my head is a box, and that's the way i like it

i really dunno why. but i haven't been this paranoid in a while.

the inability to release goosebumps...and considering it is this late, and i cannot sleep yet have an intense headache from fatigue...i kinda feel a mix between being constipated on the inside, unable to breathe properly, unusually cold yet still sweating, wanting to cry, vomit, and yell all at the same time. basically, my brain is confused.

yeah it's pretty sexy.

i can't bring myself to turn off the lights or music, i dread getting off the internet and ending my aim conversations, and i really really want to call people just to hear another human being's voice.

i also have this urge to wake up my entire family. but that would require opening my door...and i can't even bring myself to go towards it. plus...you never know if your family could...youknow....or like find them...omg STOP

alright. when you start doubting your own blood relation/imagining bad things involving them...you know you have a paranoia problem.

and it's not even a recent development or anything. i've been like this since when i was really, really small. it's probably innate or something. sometimes i think my imagination is a little too vivid.

what i need is like a friend or something. someone i trust. someone that won't sleep and keep me company...perhaps even a dog...actually. the daytime is also quite nice...except i also get paranoid sometimes in broad daylight. ...god why is my heart rate so fast. someone save me. o_o

dang. i will probably end up falling asleep on this laptop and wake up with the same music on replay for the 23849th time and the lights all burnt out in the morning.

my life is quite sad.