slowly. i will revive the blog. or maybe.

tomorrow seems to me just an illusion we believe

alright. i was thinking about this again and since i was near my computer this time, i thought hey i'll write about it!

okay. i was thinking how lucky i am...like on the smaller scale. detail wise. everyday simple things that could have become much worse. like. things always happened so conveniently for me. and the oddest part ...is actually how they first occur.

yousee, i dunno about you, but there have been so many times where initially inconvenient and negative things happen to me...only to be followed by a sudden remembrance to do something i've forgotten to that prevented worse things to happen (or just more bad/inconvenient things). kinda as if i was led to do a bad clumsy thing in order to prevent more bad things. it's (sometimes literally) a knocking at my head to say hey! you forgot something dumbass!

like just now. i'm innocently sitting here at my computer right? aim-ing away...and all of the sudden my brain turns off, and i magically drool this HUGE gop of spit right onto my resting hand...instantly i'm like oh! haha how silly of me and i reach for a tissue...

and then DING! ohhey. i forgot to pack a tissue box for college! hey pretty sweet. prevented future inconvenience =D

in the past, i've lost all like 32483 music files on my computer...to only find out upon redownloading all my music that i had 48395 more that i had hidden and forgotten somewhere.

or say. perhaps a stubbing of the toe on the leg of the bed makes me turn and scowl one last time in pain and anger at the fugging bed...only to suddenly realize my trusty little cell phone is still lost amongst the pillows somewhere.

i usually have several of these sudden occurrances each day...added together, it shows how lucky i am on a whole smaller scale. just in everyday life. i've had at least 4 today...and they made for much better examples but unfortunately, i don't remember them.

there are ones that even show my luck on a greater scale. darnshame i can't remember a specific one. one involving my car keys once, another with timing and potentially breaking some glassware, even one where i probably could've been caught for something if luck hadn't caught me just in the knick of time (i didn't do anything THAT bad okay?). oh. and one that pretty much saved me from a lot of hurt. like a lot (dang what was it...).

this. is how fallible we humans are. all these mistakes! luck has to be on your side to survive well. don't deny it, just think about it...it's quite amazing i feel.

damn....all those times i've been saved from such potential disasters by epiphanies as a result from seemingly unfortunate chance occurrances...

ironically, it all just makes me want to thank the badluck all the more =D

everyone i knew was waiting on a cue

ucla's site is screwy sometimes. scratch that. a lot of times.

but i swear something out there is working against me. so i had this question right? my natural course of action is to seek out the answer through ucla's online virtual counseling thing through my.ucla.edu. now it is only available from mon-fri from 3-4pm (what an inconveniently narrow time slot). yesterday i try to get on at 3:45...the site fugging refused to load up. as in absolutely refused to let me in...i spent 15 min frantically shouting at my computer...nothing happened of course till by 4pm i was covered in sweat and pissed off.

i could have called but that option was also closed by the time cause ucla...just doesn't like helping people much. well. and i was too stubborn to give up on the computer to go call. i also hate talking on the phone.

today i started packing (yeah, amazing i know) and i conveniently remembered right at 3 that hey! i could try again. so i tried. i gained (amazingly)connection.

but something was a bit off...it looked a bit like something from bash.org...except not funny of course. it looked a bit like:

<cassio UnknownMyEmail@@MySchool.Edu has entered room #admcounselor 1667>(or something or other)
<server> Your nickname is now cassio
<server> Welcome to chitchat created on sept 9 01:51:00 blahblah
<server> 1 host and 1 users on 1 server
<server> 1 host and 0 users on 0 servers
<server> I have 1 host on 0 servers
<server> MOTD file missing

then i notice that there is no one in the chatroom with me and that next to my name, it says (host)
so i'm like wtf is going on...where is my counselor...and why am i the fugging host? i keep signing in and out but the same thing shows up...i even talk to myself but nothing happens.

then another poor confused student comes in and is like question! i was like whoa. but excited to come in contact with another living thing anyways. i'm like i think the system thinks i'm the counselor or something. and we both are like errr for another 15 min till another student comes in and is like hi! who's the counselor!

i explain everything all over again and we sit...and wait. and wait....
then all of the sudden all these kids start entering at about 15 min to 4pm. we are all lost and confused and someone's all like hey. let's just try counseling eachother!!

we try. it was kinda fun but also a bit of a mess. and everyone still wanted the extra confirmation of our answers from an authority figure. eventually those peeps all left. then at literally 2min till closing time, another shitload of students enter and are like help pleeze?

oh last minute procrastinators, i salute you.

well they are all wtf too as i explain myself to them for the 23849325th time...and we pretty much chill till 4pm came and gone. one girl was even at one point like...i'm pretty sure i got back early just for this...i thought that was hilarious (esp since everyone else was like ...). at 4:15 i was like fugthis ima go finish packing and left. unfortunately i think everyone who entered that room was too uptight and panicky about their predicaments to make small talk. sigh ohwell. it was fun anyways...

they better fugging fix their computer problems. now.

oh. and fire is ravaging the area again. you can never see the sky anymore. at least the sun is always a pretty red-orange now from the smoke =D

[edit]
hm i just noticed that my college page updated itself from "new student" to "sophomore standing." never thought about this much before nor cared...and i'm probably really stupid for asking but...wtf does that mean? (btw...this means that technically i'm not a freshman again mwahahaha...kinda.)

and the city lights fade to black

i woke up this morning at 7am again today with this strange urge to take an early morning walk to somewhere.

so that's what i did.

except the weird thing is, my legs somehow led me to school. and the even weirder thing is that i somehow stayed from a bit of 0 period all the way through the end of nutrition. um yeah. and the whole way i was walking down there, i had this really strange content feeling that made me smile in a probably very creepy way to all the parents dropping kids off. it wasn't my fault. i blame it on death cab. if you are unable of inferring any information whatsoever, i was listening to music at the time.

good thing is that now i feel clean and good to leave the op now. i've finally completed all my intended plans after this morning. see today, i went to high school, as i promised, visited friends...again (that i expected to see and didn't as well which was very nice), waved to johnson, talked to kinberg, and pretty much visited pawloski for the whole of 1st period.

this is in addition to my other fulfilled tasks...playing with the band at a football game and seeing pavia, visiting nelson 23489 times, saying hi to schultheis (who surprisingly remembered my name), seeing vaughn and langley (who just made fun of me again), visiting the good 'ol tennis team at practice and their first game (w00t they finally beat chaminade), going to an acadeca meeting and seeing mrs. d, and this is not part of the high school, but was required as well: visiting labnow at the middle school.

the one thing i ended up not doing was seeing the new french teacher. but this is because everyone who i've seen so far have scared me with their not so positive reports of the teacher. well. except adam...who then got pissy because he likes this teacher a lot and no one else does really. apparently she doesn't like american culture and makes fun of it all the time, has a heavy accent, and is strict and pissy...probably also a bit pretentious. yeah. i'm starting to see why adam would like her...

seeing the last kiss tonight. other movies i need to see but won't necessarily get to:
the science of space
half nelson
old joy
little miss sunshine (for the 2nd time...and maybe a 3rd..and 4th as well =D)

time for some f00d.

so lonely inside, so busy out there

time for a post. cause i feel like it.
what have i been doing. oh not much really. just some more hanging out. here's a review:

sunday.
i'm sure i did something...probably hung out at jackie's till like 2 or 3am. maybe that was even the night we went up the mountain and laid on some sleeping bags...scaring ourselves by looking out for ufos or something. then i got hungry for fries and made everyone escort me to mcdonald's...where we ate. quite a bit.

monday.
...most likely the same as sunday. sub in 7 eleven for mcdonald's perhaps?

tuesday.
i remember i didn't go out this night cause i was tired and our ...ahem. prearrangements were foiled (dammit. i was so close). there's always winterbreak. or next summer even.

wednesday.
beach at night. it was pretty cool. they showed me a nice little secluded area to park and the little "hill" of sand and such. kim and i created some pretty intense art in the sand...yeah in the dark too. i probably also peed somewhere in the dark on the beach cause i really had to go. probably.

thursday.
a dinner/gettogether type thing to welcome tiff's cousin, tina, with some other ucla folks. dinner was at yomama's (it's actually called yomama sushi. yeah.). dessert at shave it (where they mix ice cream with shaved ice and stuff on top...it's insane). and then donnie darko at dorothy's house. it was cool. i realized that it was the first time i'd seen the director's cut of donnie darko...even though the movie was actually mine.

friday.
oh. that was like today...jade and i went on our little escapade to band part 2. i found a renewed hate for paul. we left early, i followed jade home and attempted to eat like her. which was horribly difficult (hello, chopped tofu, avocado, raw green peppers, and fish...practically no salt till i demanded some)...then she made fries for me cause i prolly looked pitiful. the younger gang arrived after the game and we chilled on jade's driveway again. and eventually in my car. again.

tomorrow(or today rather).
EATING FEST W00T. so excited.

ohmylife. it's so eventful.
you are probably jealous.

[edit]
jade would also like you to know that we also visited labnow at the middle school...and while we were walking back, we got so some discussion in which i answered no, that wouldn't be right!

well conveniently enough, there was also a sign right in front of us that said "wrong way." i spotted it, pointed at it, and said in a very dorky tone, no! i mean, that would be WRONG!

then jade very cleverly pointed out WAY WRONG in a very dorky manner as well (youknow, wrong way backwards?).

we proceeded to complete the rest of our journey laughing and snorting at our complete dorkiness.
the end.

when your worrying starts to hurt

so yesterday...was pretty chill. jade and i somehow ended up in front of her house at night during the football game in my car just kinda being insane.

well so it started when we went out for a bit to the promenade and got bored, so i dropped her off at home.

of course i didn't leave her house but instead waited for the game to end, so i could hang out with the other peeps...yes. parked on jade's driveway.

then the exciting thing happened...admist the commotion of the distant crowd and announcer's booming mic, i suddenly heard .... THE BAND!! yes i could actually hear them. AND what was even better, they were playing the hey song (yes i could actually distinguish it) and i could hear their cute little HEY!'s every now and again.

i got really excited in this really embarrassing way and called jade outta her house again and made her listen too. =D afterwards, we were like so now what. it was then that i just decided to pop my trunk and we sat in the back like how peeps do at 4th of july celebrations, listening to the distant plethora of sounds and just chillin'.

the great thing was that we started playing with my trunk...which is awesome btw...pulling down the top window half and pretending we were in some star wars movie, and then shutting the bottom half at other times to make ourselves claustrophobic (told you my trunk is awesome). it was also great that the people walking past us thought we were high on drugs too...not one passing person could resist having to look back at us to get a clearer view. it was hot. jade's mom thought we were hilarious.

eventually, aloni, raquel, and ben were finally released from the football game and arrived around 11pm. we then all proceeded to chill some more...in the trunk of my car of course. people are always fascinated with my trunk. i swear you would be too.

eventually, jade leaves into her house (while we continued hanging out there) and then ben goes home too. then a bit later aloni, raquel, and i got bored and cold. so we were like hey! let's all squish into the trunk and try to close the bottom half!!

we fit. and it was quite cozy. of course then aloni asked that if he closed the trunk, if i would be able to open it again. of course he was pointing at the bottom half so i was like of course, you just have to pull the handle from the outsi-

but in the middle of me saying that, aloni does a very aloni-like thing and shuts the bottom AND top half of the trunk. thereby locking us in the trunk.

i did yell NOO but it was much too late...my hands didn't get there fast enough. so we were stuck. and i was yelling at aloni. after a moment, i was like well. raquel, (who was in the middle), you're gonna hafta climb over the seat BACKWARDS to squeeze out and get to the button in the driver's seat.

she goes and next thing you know there's a big THUMP. apparently the armrests had slid from under her back and she landed head first into the backseats. i panicked, but it was okay cause she just laughed a lot. oxygen was running out, so i don't blame all of us for laughing our heads off at our ridiculous predicament.

of course at this point aloni does another very aloni-like thing and starts practically yelling I WANNA DO IT TOO I WANNA...CAN I CLIMB OVER TOO. and i'm just like ALONI WTF SIT STILL PLEASE STOPTHATFDAK.

just to let you know, aloni later also almost ripped off the back windshield wiper, was close to breaking the top half of the trunk by attempting to close the bottom half onto the top half, and (earlier today at the park) set off the alarm of my car. he should just...not touch my car i feel.

anyways, in the middle of our struggle, i see a figure walking towards us...it is a clean jade, walking once again out of her house after taking a shower all wtf...it was probably a hilarious sight seeing my car all packed and chaotic, emitting screams...and i yelled to her while she laughed at us...HELP! and told her the directions to open the trunk.

she succeeded in popping it open again...but only after popping open the hood (which i realized later, had been open the whole morning earlier today while my mom and i went to drop my sis off to chinese school and then me to the doctor's). anyways, we released ourselves and then ended up all chillin' in my car again.

jade eventually left for good at 1am cause she had to wake up the next morning. and us remaining peeps chilled till around 2am..when my dad was like you should prolly come back cause you need blood drawn tomorrow. but it was so nice just hanging out that i would've chilled there till the next morning...and probably had jade find us still outside her house.

*****

earlier today, we chilled at beanscene and then went to the "walden pond" park, raced through trails near the creeks, experimented on loglike tree roots, frolicked in the sand at the playground, and tried sliding down a slide that was...tricksy, several times.

sigh.
oh, funtimes. i do not want school to start. ever.

i'm losing you and it's effortless

so the past few nights or so have been filled with jolly good late-night times. a couple hanging out on driveways or lying around on blankets and sleepingbags in the center field of the park at 2 to 3:30am. some midnight escapades to the local 7 eleven and wendy's. quite a few crashing people's houses when they weren't around and watching movies and russell peters. and a late night of sweat shop activity followed by general laziness.

don't think i've been back home earlier than 2 or 3am every night i do go out actually. it's pretty awesome.

wtf...paul is being a jerk again. he is probably ungodly now. jeanine, you don't help either. fuggers.

also went to the doctor anticipating a meningitis shot. but then she was like hrm sooo..cassidy...haven't been here since you were 12 so...there might be quite a few immunizations(ohfugno) you need to get done eh?

so she started listing everything down on a pad...one...two..three(omg this is ...lots)...four...five(where the fug did these ones come from?)...and six!(i swear you made that one up). so they gave me three that day. i have to get my blood drawn and stuff on...saturday maybe. and couple more when they get some in stock or something. wtf.

that's it. oh. and i don't have a fever yet alex. HA know why? cause I DON'T GET SICK =P
oh. and pediatricians now do this "confidential survey" type thing with patients and they like talk to you about your problems to make sure you don't kill yourself or something. odd.