cause everyone's saying different things to me

so. been feeling kinda shitty lately. can't concentrate on work, can't sleep right, don't find any interest in pretty much anything, been exiled from my own room every fucking day from fri to sunday, watched frigging garden state...when i couldn't find i heart hucklebees, and even picked up a brochure (it was situated in front of my face so i just took one for fun okay >:0) about psychological services on campus, but after skimming it decided no, it's too risky. plus it costs money. it's been a sad life.

and then the stupid fire alarm has to go off. again. at 6:30am today. fuck.

unlike last time, being now experienced with fire alarms, i was well aware of what i was doing the whole time...which basically consisted of much profanity and weak attempts to ignore the screeching and go back to sleep.

after a few mintues, decide i don't really want to be expelled or anything, so i get up and take my time slipping on my sweatshirt, putting on shoes, and grabbing my phone, id/room key...and ipod.

that is probably really reflective of what i'd grab in a real life-threatening situation...just in a quicker fashion.

unfortunately, it was much colder than last time. also i was actually in the middle of an interesting dream this time, which i wanted to go back to finishing. eventually was let back in, climbed the stupid stairs back up, slept for an hour or so and woke up even more tired than before.

enrollment for next quarter starts on the 20th. think i'm going to screw over chem just so i can take a seminar that takes place in the film building (melnitz) situated in the farthest area on campus possible. i decided this upon entering the building and being immediately met with 578493 large framed posters of any movie you can possibly think of. walking down the strange warehouse-styled hallway, i spotted a cool yellow sign outside one of the doors labeled "animation reels" and tragically sealed my d00m.

here's a pic i found online of melnitz (it's much dimmer and dingier looking in real life ha.):


it's okay. a bit more suffering in ochem will be worth it, right. and whoknows. i might chicken out and drop the seminar. or perhaps my enrollment time sucks and my whole schedule will be messed up anyways.

also, college keeps making me realize that people are not very nice creatures. students can sometimes be really rude to eachother which ticks the hell outta me. i dunno what it is. is it the competition and cut-throatness. bitterness and stress or the "mind your own fucking business" and "i probably know better than you" mentality. some people need to learn that wow. guess what buddy. you're actually not the only one who matters in this class of 300 people. or the world for that matter.

it always makes me reflect on nelson's comment once upon a time about the op. how people are generally pretty civil to eachother. of course it wasn't entirely true, but i'd say at least our particular class was pretty above average with that.

and so here are the uc's. where yes, there are a lot of dicks out there. and there are even more in the real world. public high school once again. in some ways, even more so than the op ever was. all the superficial judging. the condescending thoughts. the "wow you're a dork"s or "you're too stupid for this class. get out."s or the "you're hot and you're not"s. at least keep these thoughts to yourself or something. making rude comments and hissing sounds doesn't make things any better.

of course i'm generalizing. lots of people aren't like that. or if they are, they're good at hiding it. and yes, it's natural to respond rudely when your space or whatever is encroached upon by a stranger rather than acquaintance...even if accidentally or unintentionally. i mean, why should you care for them if they probably don't care for you? just...try not to be an ass about it.

and so i guess that's what i meant when i always told people that going here is very "normal." it is quite normal by society's standards. nothing special here. just people being people. making friends, forming alliances, working hard, trying to settle into the quarter before the next one starts, competiting for the grades that will make or break their dreams. all bitchiness included.

...and how did i just eat half that box of triscuit in one sitting. dammit.