ignorance is my best defense

so sometime last week, got outta english class early and decided to sit on a bench in a quiet secluded corner of campus.

crossed my legs onto the bench, situated my backpack comfortably as a backrest. took out some english work and started writing some amazingly (un)insightful analysis about an extraodinar(ly boring) speech by chamberlain. to my surprise the bench shook from the direction of the empty seat next to me not long after. i was shocked at just how badly my peripheral vision had failed to do its duty but did not immediately look up in fear that the person who had just sat down next to me would find my surprised stare offensive.

but after a few more seconds i realized that my peripheral vision couldn't be that bad...seriously. i couldn't even see a pair of feet near me. and dude, the bench did not have that much room left in the first place.

so i look up.

staring back at me are two huge beady eyes..attached to the hairiest little body i'd ever seen, about 5 inches away from my foot. yup. it was a squirrel.

surprised but not too shocked, i sit there. staring lamely back and waiting for it to go away or something. youknow. how normal squirrels do. it wasn't long before i figured that a squirrel that would voluntarily approach a creature 50 times larger than its self within a distance much too dangerous for its health...was anything but normal.

so we sat there. and proceeded to have a staring contest for 15 seconds or so. a couple student tour groups passed by (omg so many tour groups all year round fjkdlaf). some kids pointed and laughed. and still the squirrel remained emotionless.

finally. i asked the squirrel telepathically. what. do you fugging want man. can't you see i'm busy.

and the squirrel replied (telepathically). gimme some food, bitch.

then i got angry that such a puny little creature would dare encroach upon my time and respect in such a degrading way. i mean. gimme a break, i'd just had barely two hours of sleep, i was sick and tired of analyses on dumb topics that were irrelevant to higher intellectual development, and the last squirrel i encountered ate the bread i threw at its ass (i hit it straight on btw).

so i snapped (outloud), go away stupid! i don't have any!, waving my awesome(ly aweful) english analysis after its cowardly facee. the person sitting on a nearby bench pretended not to notice me.

then i sat some more. reflecting upon what had just happened.

stupid squirrels.

(note: all events in this story are true. okay, maybe the dialogue exchange was absent...okay no. the dialogue exchange was indeed there. in my mind. and i did actually scold it outloud in the midst of my frustration. so there.)


k. back to CHEMS!