sooo anywayyy

with his hand on the small of her back

2008-06-16T02:17:00.000-07:00

this is just too funny. i must post somewhere.

somewhat shortened from original....but not really (only by a few "HAHAHA"s and "NOOO"s):

Ydissac218 (1:55:57 AM): there are a few grammatical errors here and there
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:08 AM): LOL
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:09 AM): like then and than?
Ydissac218 (1:56:14 AM): YEAH SRSLY
Ydissac218 (1:56:14 AM): GOD
Ydissac218 (1:56:17 AM): PLZ
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:18 AM): LOLOL
Ydissac218 (1:56:20 AM): TRY A LITTLE HARDER
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:21 AM): HAHAHAH NOOO
Ydissac218 (1:56:22 AM): BUGS ME LIKE HELL
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:27 AM): THEN THEN THEN THEN
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:28 AM): AND THEN
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:29 AM): WE WENT
Ydissac218 (1:56:31 AM): fjaeklrekfnak
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:32 AM): ANDTHENNNN ISAWWWW
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:35 AM): AND THEEEEN
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:44 AM): ANDTHENANDTHENANDTHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ydissac218 (1:56:45 AM): you're using it correctly
Ydissac218 (1:56:49 AM): btw
mmmmmmMicHY (1:56:52 AM): aw DAMMIT
Ydissac218 (1:57:01 AM): HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAAHAHAH
Ydissac218 (1:57:03 AM): I CANT BELIEVE
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:04 AM): GAWR!
Ydissac218 (1:57:05 AM): YHOU JUST
Ydissac218 (1:57:06 AM): DID THAT
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:10 AM): LOL STUPID
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:11 AM): GOD
Ydissac218 (1:57:12 AM): HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:13 AM): GRAWRRRR
Ydissac218 (1:57:23 AM): IM LAUGHING
Ydissac218 (1:57:24 AM): SO
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:25 AM): ANDTHAN
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:25 AM): LOL
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:26 AM): THAN
Ydissac218 (1:57:27 AM): HARD RIGHT NOW
Ydissac218 (1:57:30 AM): HAHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAaHA
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:31 AM): THANTHAN
Ydissac218 (1:57:32 AM): HAHAHAHAHHAAAHA
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:33 AM): LOL
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:34 AM): NOOOOOOO
mmmmmmMicHY (1:57:38 AM): STOP LAUGING LOL NOOO
mmmmmmMicHY (1:58:50 AM): YOURE COOLER THEN ME
mmmmmmMicHY (1:58:52 AM): COOLER THEN ME
Ydissac218 (1:58:57 AM): HAHHAAAHHAHA
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:06 AM): AM I USING IT WRONG
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:09 AM): DOES IT OFFEND YOU
Ydissac218 (1:59:09 AM): AHHAHAH
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:10 AM): LOLOLOL
Ydissac218 (1:59:11 AM): HAHAHHAHAHAHA
Ydissac218 (1:59:12 AM): no
Ydissac218 (1:59:14 AM): you're actually
Ydissac218 (1:59:17 AM): using it right again
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:23 AM):OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGg
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:25 AM): WWWWTFFFF
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:27 AM): AAAAH
Ydissac218 (1:59:29 AM): HAHAHAAHAHA
Ydissac218 (1:59:31 AM): IM JUST
Ydissac218 (1:59:33 AM): KIDDING
Ydissac218 (1:59:34 AM): FJADL
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:35 AM): NOOOFAIL
Ydissac218 (1:59:35 AM): IM
Ydissac218 (1:59:37 AM): LAUGHING
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:37 AM): LOLOLOL
Ydissac218 (1:59:38 AM): SO
Ydissac218 (1:59:38 AM): HARD
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:39 AM): I KNEW IT
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:40 AM): OMG
Ydissac218 (1:59:40 AM): I CANT
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:41 AM): I KNEW IT
Ydissac218 (1:59:42 AM): BREATHE
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:42 AM): YOU LITTLE
Ydissac218 (1:59:43 AM): BREAJkfl
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:45 AM): WH Y YOIU
Ydissac218 (1:59:46 AM): HAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHA
Ydissac218 (1:59:48 AM): HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ydissac218 (1:59:49 AM): I CANT
Ydissac218 (1:59:51 AM): BREATHE
Ydissac218 (1:59:52 AM): HELP
mmmmmmMicHY (1:59:53 AM): YOU LITTLE BAD
Ydissac218 (1:59:57 AM): OWWW
Ydissac218 (2:00:00 AM): RATE LIMITED
Ydissac218 (2:00:02 AM): OW
mmmmmmMicHY (2:00:03 AM): LOLOL
Ydissac218 (2:00:03 AM): HURTS
Ydissac218 (2:00:05 AM): HURTS
mmmmmmMicHY (2:00:11 AM): IT CANT HIT ME NYAH
mmmmmmMicHY (2:00:14 AM): I MADE IT LAUGH
Ydissac218 (2:00:15 AM): HAHAHHAHA
mmmmmmMicHY (2:00:16 AM): AND IT CANT HIT ME
Ydissac218 (2:00:17 AM): jfdaklfjlkefdkj
mmmmmmMicHY (2:00:19 AM): COZ ITS FARTHER THEN ME
mmmmmmMicHY (2:00:21 AM): HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA
Ydissac218 (2:00:31 AM): i'm actually technically
Ydissac218 (2:00:35 AM): same distance as you
Ydissac218 (2:00:38 AM): HAHAHHAAHHA
mmmmmmMicHY (2:00:38 AM): ...

pwn.

2008-04-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

selfish lethargy and pride exceeded friendship. can i even call myself a friend?

the no-good, insecure, antisocial high schooler of my past surfaced again tonight.. what a fucking piece of shit.

i'm sorry.

but it settles in its final location

2008-02-29T23:46:00.000-08:00

believing in others is so much easier than believing in yourself.

(god i'm so fucking scared.)

i could forget about everything

2008-02-21T12:41:00.001-08:00

so i'm starting to find that it kinda bothers me when people actively dislike me. dunno if it's cause i'm not used to it or whatnot but muh.

part of the problem seems to be that when they do dislike me, i don't necessarily dislike them back. i just kinda get intimidated/wanna fix it/start feeling guilty. and if i do dislike them back, i can usually see why they would have a problem with me in the first place...so really, i still lose.

but i don't necessarily enjoy hearing bashing from second hand sources either. especially if, on the surface, i'm still being greeted by cheery hellos and friendly goodbyes. if you got something to say, say it to my face and maybe we can work it out..or at least come to the general agreement to avoid each other. otherwise, it just makes things awkward for me. and then i'll end up sitting and wondering how you can put such a convincing facade on and not feel even a slight twinge for being so decieving. i get nauseous just thinking about it.

i also dislike casual biting comments. when someone's already down, it can really cut deep yaknow? keep your frustration to yourself. i wasn't the one that made you pass out those flyers. and belittling me really won't inspire in me a newfound desire to save the world.

bitch world does not work well with me.

perhaps i'm just a little down at the moment. my classes are in danger. and for the first time in my life, i'm genuinely afraid of not passing a class (yes, as in not obtaining a C- or higher). i've always been bad at regulating myself. it's always been at the extremes for me like a sine wave - trough, peak, trough, peak..and right now, i'm at the precipice again looking down into one hellofa ditch.

and frankly, i haven't felt this scared in a while. i knew it would all come down eventually, but i was never a farsighted person (in all contexts of the word ha. ha.). every time i've run on an emotional high, i've milked to for what it's worth...no, actually, for MORE than what it was worth...and came crashing down, paying a price worth the debt..and a little more.

and no, i'm not talking about schoolwork either. it just happens to be that this time, for the first time too, the price to pay might just be that. and new experiences are always the scariest.

colleges are about learning about yourself right? well, i think the only thing i've learned so far is my remarkably low tolerance for interpersonal unrest and my even more remarkable level of immaturity. yes, i will now admit that my parents have been right all along. i am NOT ready for the real world. i can't even handle college. give me freedom and independence and i'll run wild. i'll play and slack and play and slack till my hole of unproductiveness is too deep for me to climb back out of. my only true motivation to do well really was the fear of parental wrathe. okay, and maybe a little bit of peer/teacher expectations. void of either, i'm lost without purpose.

so what to do now? fix it of course. then again, it's so much easier said than done. with the addition of random panic attacks, paralyzing thoughts of just how fast the quarter is going and how far behind i am, and the nagging afterthought of an ill social relationship...all i wanna do is sleep or binge eat or do something physically draining to keep my mind distracted. running away is so easy.

on another note, i keep rerealizing (and i feel like i've repeated this at least 83439 times too) the amazing extent to which humans need each other. loneliness can be one hellofa bitch....can make bitches too.

when your apologies fail to ring true

2008-02-15T17:46:00.001-08:00

aight guys. this weekend is gonna be DA PWN.

here's a glimpse of my ridiculous(ly ridiculous) schedule:

in approx 5 min or so:
goin to practice LD some more (yes, for fun) for our second biggest event of the year: alhambra parade.

10:50-midnight tonight: seeing step up 2 with my trio of friends + janelle (soopahipLDmommy) who's gonna take us :DDD

saturday
8am-midafternoon: alhambra parade :>
5pm-1am: russell peters + trying to get there and back by public transportation

sunday
6am-uhhhbasically the entire day: SNOWBOARDING AT BIG BEAR YEUH. and here's the real kicker - I'M DRIVIN'. friends staying over at my place after :>

monday
all day: sleeping in late, playing video games, messing with my sis, or whatever the hell my friends wanna do at my place.
night: eat, come back to school, and...i really don't think this is gonna happen but LDmommy wants to get me drunk and go clubbing. o_o

so packed fjkdalfjelr imahavesomuchfunandthenfailallmyclassesyayayayaz

also. i heard that our ls3 profs decided not to give our midterms back till after break so that they wouldn't ruin our weekend. i find that hilarious(ly scary).

let me introduce you to the end

2008-01-27T12:04:00.000-08:00

hello my (imaginary)friends. i still suck at posting.

um i love rain. and no, i'm not being bipolar...it's raining outside and it makes me happy and oh so joyous.

aight. so if anyone is wondering, i'm doing just dandy. i basically sit in class, then sit in the research lab, and then walk on back to the dorms....where i proceed to sit in my room. or possibly my friend's. and that is my life.

occasionally, i also eat red mango and lion dance. both of which is the pwn.

onto the personal thoughtshit cause i suppose that's what blogs are for - expressing all that inner crap that people usually would find a burden to listen to in person, but not at all a burden to read on their own time as there is no direct contact with the person in question, and they may leave anytime the crap starts boring the hell outta them. voyeurism is so much easier, really. actually. it's kinda fascinating to think about sometimes :D

uhhhh yeah. so thoughtshit.

so i've realized, for the 3284934th time, how much general interest in anything that i used to have, has diminished at an alarming rate. in fact, it's rare for me to even attempt to work up that enthusiasm and motivation to go "EY! i'm in college. i should be grabbing as much opportunity as i can to do as many (il)legally exciting and tomfoolery-ey things as i can! marker tag? should be fun. speshul speakers/authors?..homg. rock climbing? i'm there. night trips to the getty? ooooh. musicals in l.a.? yayayz. expedition to the sierras? omg. rock concerts? ohhellzyes!....FIELD TRIP ACROSS THE CAMPUS??? LIKEHOMFGHELLZYEAH.

every now and then, perhaps i'll get a slight itch to go outside and bounce a basketball a few times or something. but even then, it's only "slight" and not difficult for the laziness inside to shine through and smite the poor bugger. and why am i personifying an itch..

it's weird to grow old (and i don't mean by how i act...just ask my mom). never thought this would happen to me. the urges that used to pester me have gone. rarely do i even pick up the guitar anymore. desire to draw or create? the feeling's so dull it annoys me just to attempt to even feel for them in the first place. music has taken a backseat...do i even play with the thought of getting myself to coachella anymore? whatever happened to running around outside? the only times i'm outside are for short walks inbetween classes. i'm not even sure if i've still retained all the muscle memory required to even participate in any sport. and it's as if wanderlust has wandered away from me.

perplexing, how easy it is for things to fade and slip out the back while you aren't looking. scarily malicious, how it all works. time is a callous son of a bitch.

man. i always knew it was painful to desire. but to not? never thought it would hurt this badly. and not in a sharp, overwhelming way. but in that dull, persistent, barely beneath the surface kinda way. rawrgh. i even drew the other day...successfully too - i created something more or less. beautiful (i say this because, art in general is a beautiful thing. i ain't sayin i'm a friggin van gogh or anything :P). and yet, the satisfaction was only minimal. WEIRDZ. WHY???

comeon, i can't even watch movies well anymore. wtfman. video games are nice. but i don't play with that intense satisfaction i used to get as a kid. sometimes it feels as if i only play hours on end in hopes that i'll be able to imitate the feeling of obsession.

but you never know. perhaps it's just because i've found a comfortable hole to situate myself in. at least for now. maybe the fascination with life will come back after something breaks through the comfort and drags me outta that hole. hope it gives me a good kick in the ass and a "get outta here, you lazyass goodfornothin'!!!!11" too.

oh. and just for kicks. in no way does it reflect my life or any aspect within it.

there's a saltwater film on the jar of your ashes

2007-12-17T00:15:00.000-08:00

HOKAY. it has come to my attention that i haven't posted a thing about my life since... before this past quarter had even started so um. i figured it's about time to get my act together and at least attempt a post.

...

whew that was hard. okay. mission complete.

okayokay. i'll try harder. ummm...lemme think.

well, my dad walked in earlier and handed me a chemlab spatula/scooper thing and told me he found it in the washer and i must've forgotten it. muh. i guess i've inadvertently stolen lab equipment from the school. never putting things in my lab coat pocket again -_-

also, i've felt like i've done a whole lot this past quarter at school but if you actually ask me to provide you with details...i find it difficult to do so. it's weird. maybe cause most of it consisted of hanging out, studying, hanging out, lion dancing, hanging out, and uh. hanging out. to think about it...it's kinda hard to describe hanging out. probably why they gave it the name "hanging out."

my friends at school are also slowly fobbitizing me. a little. but i'm going to pretend that i didn't say that just now and that it's not true. um. just, forget you even read that line. o_o

i will not even talk about my classes because that's just too damn depressing to even mention....

blogging is really hard for me now. too uninspired. i feel like i'm forcing myself to write just for the sake of keeping this thing alive. maybe i should just start posting random pics or something...except i'm even too lazy to do that. my sense of interest in anything that involves the creative process has dwindled to almost nothing. weird cause i used to hate that feeling sometimes. when you wanted so much to create something but couldn't get it right. i'd wish that i never had the urge at all. and now that i don't have it anymore, i just feel strangely listless. especially now that there's no school and nothing to work on at all.

wow, srsly. all i've been doing since break started is...playing guitar hero, watching bleach (don't ask >:|), and...prancing around the house in full snowboarding gear. i haven't even been playing my(jeanine's) real guitar. MUH. need....a....project.. i should also get out more and do something physical instead of wasting my body away in the depths of my house.

this post is slowly degenerating so ima just. write out my prelim schedule of winter break.

now-dec 22: uhhh continue loafing around the house, hanging out with op peeps (if they get back in time -_-), meeting up with ucla peeps (all like. 3 of them), honing guitar hero skillz, more prancing in snowboarding gear, etc.

dec 23-28...29?(um. oops i forgot the exact dates again): PARK CITY, UTAH YAYAYAYAYAY. man. the powder's gonna be sweeeeeeet. ima SO pwn the larger trick boxes (or dream about it).

dec 30?-jan3?(wow i really am sketchy about my dates): big bear snowboarding with michelle and co. it's gonna be teh awesomes. snowboarding...with friends? FINALLY! excited XD ...i hope writing this here doesn't jinx it. seems as if every time i write something out in advance, it ends up not happening :(

jan 7: the evil that is school commences yet again. nuuuu *cry*

okie. um, bye.

[edit]
snowboarding in big bear is now set for jan1-4 YEAHH!!

but her best friend's coughing up blood in the sink

2007-11-24T16:11:00.000-08:00

it's so easy to drift away.

this has got to be the loneliest i've been

2007-09-28T23:46:00.000-07:00

MUH.

second day of real school and i already have a shitload of work to do. WHY.

for some reason, was so tired today by the end of the day, i took a two hour nap through dinner instead of going out with friends, shut myself in my room and pretended not to be there. antisocial to the max. i feel old now. :/

marissa and i finally finished decorating our room. and i can't lie - it's awesome. i'm going to be really sad when we have to take it all down. took hours of work piecing everything together and trying to figure out how to hang up the lanterns i got for marissa last year. esp since nothing seems to be able to stick adequately to these greasy/dusty old dorm walls. after windexing everything in sight 3 times over, experimenting with different layers of normal scotch tape, transparent heavy duty tape, hooks, push pins, and heavy duty doublesided foam tape, we finally found a combination that worked.

in the end, we found that sticking a hook to the wall, wrapping the cord around it several times, then taping a piece of paper onto the wall around the hook with normal scotch tape and reinforcing it with heavy duty doublesided foam tape, and then taping the lantern cords to the piece of paper using transparent heavy duty tape to take some weight off the hook, works the best. it looks sooper ghetto but i'm damn proud of all those hours of experimenting and finding ways to actually reach the high ceiling. it's a sure good thing i'm not any shorter than i already am.

my camera kinda broke when my dad dropped it this summer but if i ever do find a camera somewhere, i might post pics somewhere here....or fb of course :>

finally got my summer school grades and was reallyreallyreally pleasantly surprised by my grades. though i held solid B+'s throughout most of the term, i managed to miraculously ace my finals and boost the final grades to As. am esp proud of my hist of modern art final because i needed above a 90 something on the final to get an A- and at least a 95 to get an A. there was also a rule that if you improved 10 points/percentages from your midterm on the final, you would receive 3 extra credit points. though they didn't post any breakdowns on the grades, it was indicated that i earned the extra credit. since i got an 86 on the midterm though, i can deduce that i indeed aced the final, got a 96 or higher on the final, and most likely ended up with higher than a 100% on my final. something like this hasn't happened to me since...middle school. life science was graded on a straight curve since the averages were so high, meaning i actually got a legitimate high A on my final. wtf. i'm going to take summer school all the time now (not).

so this quarter, if i do not end up dropping either ochem or chem lab (a scary thought), my schedule will be generally as follows:

plus perhaps extra tutoring in ochem or something if i manage to grab a spot that fits, lion dance on weds from 9-11pm, and whatever else i decide to do (taiko tryouts [for fun? still not sure about joining], martial arts, IM sports, floor government, neuroscience association, etc). joining other things at this point is unlikely though due to lack of time and the shitload of work already assigned (like, wtf.)

rode my bike to class this morn for the first time and it was incredibly time efficient. ended up getting all the way to north campus in 15 min (half the time it usually takes by foot. skateboarding usually takes off only 5-10 min at most) even though it was my first time and i stopped a few times to figure out where all the handicap ramps up the hills were. 5-10 min passing periods across campus were also a breeze even more than skateboarding. riding back up to the dorms is more of a challenge, though i haven't done that much yet because i'm usually walking back up with a friend.

so as you probably already know, i'm planning to travel study this summer. most likely archeology in south america. the postings have gone up and the only ones that fit my schedule (since i'm planning to take session c summer school too right after i get back) are the programs to chile and peru. now....conflict.

notes on pros and cons:
- peru in general is more attractive: takes place and is centered around the sacred valley of the incas.
- chile takes place in the tarapaca valley: in general a drier region but also with breathtaking landscape
-peru's final week involves a several day 'moderately strenuous' hike up to machu picchu. OMG SO COOL/BEAUTIFUL
-chile involves more actual hands-on archeology - most of grade depends on field work and performance in archaeological digs (makes sense since the area's mostly desert). and i really want to do real field work.
-peru centers more around historical learning. no archaeological digs, mostly just field trips to locations to learn about the history of the ancient civilizations there - grade depends on tests and a final presentation. FINAL PRESENTATION?? :(
- chile gets back earlier at the end of july whereas peru gets back aug 2 - two days before summer school starts (though this i'm not worried about)
-rating for one of the professors for peru isn't very high....PRESENTATION?? :(((

WAH I DUNNO.

oh. and i still wanna bike and build. URGH.

but they've got planes and trains and cars

2007-09-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

aight it's been a busy week. and stuff is still continuously comin' at my face. it's amazing.

being in a real hall this time is amazing. was a bit nervous that my high expectations and intense anticipation would let me down in the end. but man, i think when i said i really wanted to live in a hall, i wasn't kidding myself. hopefully, this won't kill my gpa anymore than i already am :/

moved in last...tues? night early to be a move-in assistant (MIA). it was fun and cool to meet new people before it got busy. i think it made the transition easier. our floor turned out to have the most MIAs prolly cause we're just awesome (no actually, quite a few of them all lived on the 2nd floor last year and just transitioned up to the 6th this year). and helping peeps along the way was fun and felt good. we all actually got bored when traffic was slow (usually in the mornings).

we also helped out the RAs with their floor decorations. since 6north had so many MIAs, they had to split us onto different floors. ended up working on the floor right below mine and found out that one of the RAs was from agoura high and that max hirsch was moving into that floor. he better appreciate my effing yellow brick road (guess what the theme was :P). oh. and his mom is really really nice, him not so much. loser.

anyways, like i was saying before. halls are awesome. my door actually stays open. and when i open it, people actually come in and hang out. when it's closed...people still knock just to say hello. when you're bored you can walk down the hall and into other open doors to hang out. there's a ton more social events/stuff to do and people actually do them instead of locking themselves in their room or leaving to hang with old third year friends (or something). plus there're more people in the first place.

bathrooms aren't too bad. never had a problem with sharing but i guess i'm not the more hygienic person in the world. :/ room space is also smaller and older but hey. still managed to get a double so i'm happy. guess you get used to the squeeze here. we can just call it "cozy."

so the night before everyone started moving in, since someone had a car here, we all packed in and went to k-town for the most amazing korean bbq i've ever tasted. it was also buffet so it was death basically. a very delicious death. afterwards we got onto the wrong freeway back and ended up taking a detour to sawtelle to get some volcano boba. was tempted to get some but decided against it since lion dance already goes there way too much o_o

then stuff happened, people moved in, we had our 6 hours a day of shifts, had random night sessions of taboo and cards and plain hanging out....and then sunday night was the beginning of this year's bruin bash.

T.I. was our guest for the big concert this year as the general theme was hip-hop/rap. concert wasn't as long as last year's prolly because there was one less artist this year and....rap music is probably generally shorter than rock music. it was okay since i wasn't like 3 feet from the stage this time but i didn't really care. the huge dance party was held afterwards and the turnout was better than last year prolly cause people were better notified this year.

then more stuff happened, i don't remember cause too much was going on all at the same time...

then today...marissa and i, along with the help of tiff, embarked on an epic journey this morning to...take cool pictures of us jumping in the air. as a part of our room project, we've planned to rasterize photos of us and paste them in our room. we decided last night it would be cool to have us jumping in the pic.

it all went down pretty smoothly actually and was a ton of fun. it's amazingly easy to catch someone suspended in the air after some experimentation with the camera and angle (nm, tiff was actually a natural at this. i suck at taking pics). it also helps if the person jumps higher.

in the afternoon, our floor played a game of ultimate frisbee. a personal first time, it was 2 hours of awesomeness. wish we could've played a second game though. then we headed back, showered and relaxed and had dinner as usual.

ice cream party yet to come followed by MIDNIGHT CAPTURE THE FLAG OMG. been waiting for this moment for a whole year (didn't do this last year which made me sad >:o). it'll be north side (of the floor) vs. south side. and i won't lie, we'll prolly win. mebbe. which reminds me...i gotta find a black shirt soon..

school starts on thursday :( and i got a wonderful 8am chem lab lecture greeting me into the next school year. disgusting. hopefully, i'll be able to handle the load this quarter (all the classes i'm taking are impacted ones too lolz) but i'll have until end of second week to drop...which really doesn't help actually.

lion dance retreat to occur on the weekend of oct 7th? i think. they promise it'll be a real one this time (rather than a sadistic all2daypractice..i hope). excited. they won't tell us where they're taking us. sketchy.

now for the random stuff. it has occurred to me again while i was moving in that it always feels like such a waste to use one whole hanger for girl clothes. they're thin and small and can be folded up into tiny compact squares. but it's probably just me.

been having a ton of dreams lately probably because so much has been going on and i've been really tired every time i go to sleep. had one though where i was rushed to the emergency hospital down into some sketchy basement operating area where in my first operation, someone stuck a couple of huge tubes into my knees and a lot of other ones all over my upper body. the tubes on my knees sucked though cause they kept popping out and all this blood kept gushing everywhere and soaking the sheets and stuff and the doctor kept telling me to hold still. eventually, it was stabilized and the doctor punctured a hole through the crook of my right arm and left arm, another one through my left arm higher up and two through my upper chest kinda like above my heart and stuff. and then came the cool part.

then he stuck a tube like the ones they use for IVs through my right arm, out again, into my left arm, out again, into my chest and somehow pushed it all the way out through my right arm again and pulled so it all just kept running through my entire upper body.

yuh. lemme tell you. it was a REALLY weird feeling.

OOH OKEY WE WATCH HOUSE NOW! YAYZBYE

[edit]
HOWSE party was awesome. so many people love that show on my floor this year, it's sweet. midnight capture the flag got competitive and we finally had to stop at 2am cause there was no way any side was going to win. it was fun though and i found out i haven't completely lost all my sprinting abilities. and after reading the last part of this post again, i have no idea why i posted that dream. weirds.

ohwhoa. and i just realized that the time for this post is way off prolly cause i actually meant to write a post in the early afternoon...and procrastinated all the way till like 8pm. i'm good like that :D i don't know why i'm saying this.

be honored by my lateness

2007-09-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

someone bought my multivariable calc book on fb! yayz.

finished summer school on friday. felt pretty good about the finals though my hand almost came off during modern art and i still didn't completely finish my essay. it was probably one of the first times in a while where i came out of finals grinning and laughing to myself in utter joy rather than shocked or dazed. don't know how my grades will turn out. the ta for modern art is pretty tough and luckily, life science is going to be on a straight curve (a very good thing considering the average on the midterm was an 86 or 90 depending on how you look at it).

and as far as how much suck it was to have the hardest and meanest ta for ls1, i realized i did actually remember things better (usually because i ended up racking my brain up before, during, and after the quizzes and was traumatized by the...lack of points). oh. plus, we were informed that section grades would be normalized whew.

...i also had a really weird dream in which i WAS modern art...like i was blobs of paint being dripped onto the canvas. lemme tell you, it was a really weird sensation.

without all the pent up stress and stuff to worry about, my body realized how little it'd physically done in the past ohhhh MONTH. also being recently itchy at the thought of biking and snowboarding....well..basically...

i actually pulled out my snowboarding pants, slipped them on, and spent the rest of my afternoon/evening walking around the house in them.

my mom thought i was crazy in the head. my sis knew better and barely noticed this as unusual behavior. ohman. my snowboarding pants are so awesome (and huge). awman. i think ima bust them out again right now.

urgh. all i do now is watch snowboarding clips, read about how to do snowboarding tricks, and rehearse them in my head. theoretically, i should be able to breeze rails and half pipes now (not). whatever. maybe pumping myself up will give me courage to try bigger jumps and obstacles this year. that. would be so cool. so excited.

saturday, went to the eye place about the contacts i should've received like 2 weeks ago. apparently some more screw ups happened and i still didn't get them. was kinda pissed with them since i've been there 2843 times already for these stupid contacts and for some reason, we have to drive all the way to monterey park for tiny pieces of shaped plastic that i could just get at like. costco.

then i felt bad cause one of the eye doctors there found out about lion dance, got all excited, and was all like that's great! because i'm getting married and my fiance and i were looking into finding a lion dance group! and asked me if we could perform for them in december. was a bit flattered and excited that a person asked for a performance to my face (actually, it's surprising how many people want performances. i've just never been asked alone before. always more flattering when it's directed at you, yaknow?). i won't lie, pocketing the business card with her email address scrawled on it made me feel legit.

so the doctor's name is dr. louie. but she looks asian. she's also pretty looking and speaks perfect english unlike most of the azns who live in monterey park. my family has concluded she is halfazn. also...none of us have ever heard of the last name louie before. it reminds me of louie louie. yes, the song. o_o

anyways, speaking of LD, we had a very engaging debate on male and female center of gravity (females are at the hips and males are at their chest/torsos) last practice while trying to figure out why guys and girls seemed to move their bodies differently when doing the dips on the sawhorses (basically, with one leg supporting you, you swing your other leg down as far as you can off one of the sawhorses, back up again, jump up off the same supporting leg, and land on the other sawhorse with the leg that just did the swinging and repeat while alternating legs. k, not important). we ended up discussing anatomy and doing dumb things to see what our bodies could or could not do. it was funny.

finally got my mountain/campus bike. yes, i'm bringing it to school. went to westlake cyclery which was a pretty big store. ended up getting an entry-level mountain/recreational bike specialized for women (though the guy did say due to my stature [and weight prolly] i could've gotten a normal bike). this new bike is amazing compared to my old one. it's reallyreally tall (or i think so. the guy said that's what i'm supposed to be riding), the brakes are sooper responsive, and my rides feel sooper smooooooth now. okay. the bike probably isn't that great. i'm just used to undersized toys r us kids bikes with brakes that don't work properly. whatevs. i'm excited for busting my ass up the hills at school (just watch me fail and never bike on campus again).

got my golden guitar hero fingers and interest in the game back probably thanks to jackie and later elmer/gabe's unannounced invasion of my house. i've progressed to being a pretty stable "expert" level player. now the only problem is that i'm going to get bored of the game soon once i finish all the songs and there's nothing left to sightread (if you can call it that). it's always more fun on your first runs for some reason.

oh. and apparently my carpet is "too squishy" for good handstand action. woe.

i dance naked in front of my pets

2007-09-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

aight. ima write an entry to procrastinate making my modern art flashcards. probably not a good idea but has that ever stopped me before?

so now i'm thinking about biking on campus. part of the reason is cause i'm still obsessed with bike & build and this would be a way to let some of it out. another part is so that i can get to places faster without needing to lug up a piece of wood at the same time (plus i'd be able to go uphill). and the last part is that maybe riding the thing up hills will burn a few extra calories (or not). seeing as this summer i've figured out where a few of the plausible paths up and across campus are (via the few handicap ramps), i'm also a little more willing to give it a shot.

also starting to get a bit nervous about my classes this quarter. thanks to the wonderful uc enrollment system, i have now landed myself into physics, life sciences 2, ochem, and chem lab. all at the same time. in addition to that, i'll be having srp (that research thing that i do) 6-10 hrs a week. i'm maxing out my credit units. and all my classes will be notoriously hard sciencey lowerdiv classes. oh. and my ochem and life science 2 finals are 30 min apart. wtf.

ohyeah. and the biggest problem: this is me we're talking about.
say goodbye to my gpa (even more [noes!]).

though i better get used to it i guess...seeing as the way my life is planned out so far, i will be taking physics, life science, and one or two chem classes each quarter for the next year. *cry*

i'm also going to be a move-in assistant this year cause...well i don't really know why. i just am. movin' in sooper early on the 18th. that's about all for that i think.

recent lion dance performances this past friday and saturday were fun. got to our destinations sooper early though so we basically sat around bored outta our friggin minds for a couple hours before showtime. friday was for some autistic kids event thing, saturday for the 20th anniversary promotion dinner party thing for some company (turns out the company was the one that one of my fellow lion dancers interns for). it was set in some cathedral in downtown l.a. they had lots of fancy, rich stuff and really goodsmelling catered food. and i had to sit there for 2 hours staring at the cooking crew bust out all the goodies.

also on the car ride down to sat's performance, one of my current LD coordinators, janelle (who was the coordinator for taiko and had interviewed me at taiko tryouts last year) reminisced how our past LD coordinator, allie, had discussed about us newbies early last year with her. apparently allie had said something along the lines of me being "really good" and threatened janelle "not to steal me from lion dance" with taiko during the tryout period. this news was a bit awkward. a bit flattering. but really i also didn't know what to think about these secret talks behind my back. i mean, we (the younger members) always knew there were discussions behind the scenes amongst the older peeps. it's only natural. it's just kinda weird to hear about it. i'm kinda curious to know more now.

i'm also getting mixed signals as to whether i should try taiko again or not from LDers. janelle now ironically discourages it even though she was a taiko coordinator herself. and the person who was encouraging me to try it now kinda seems to be sending hints at not doing it. the biggest issue is time and commitment since i guess the two groups do overlap esp during the busiest time of spring quarter. i keep sayin' that i have no intention of ever leaving LD and that it'll still be my first priority club but they still seem a bit wary about it. perhaps doing several clubs along with school will never be a plausibly good choice. grr.

old highschool tennis people keep catching me offguard everywhere and i can't remember their names half the time. supposed to visit the team with tiff tomorrow which is making me a bit nervous. need to remember last names too in case of parents. apparently, tennis is being taken over by the "sophomore" (by sophomore, i mean when we were seniors) generation of overly involved parents and tim is "mean" now (they also have summer conditioning now HA). also, uniforms cost almost $200 bucks this year. like wtf?

rubik's cubes are fun and i'm going to eat a brownie now.

i take it out on my good friends, but the worst stays in

2007-09-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

so i just effectively ruined a perfectly good family dinner. but it was only a matter of time in my opinion. in fact, i think some part of me actually wanted to on purpose.

yes, that's right folks. it's been only a few months at home, actually more like 1 month if you consider how much of the time i'm actually in the house and in contact with my family, and it's about time to get my ass back to school.

so my parents' subtle yet very present disapproval of my most recent obsession is beginning to rub me the wrong way again. the unwillingness to discuss it or even simply listen about it. the frowns i get from just mentioning the name. the short, curt responses..that is, if i even get one.

it started out as teasing laughter. the kind you get when people downright don't believe you're serious. of course this shortly led to mocking laughter. the kind you get when people find out ohshit you are serious but still don't believe you have the abilities to actually do it. thanks, fam.

and then started the gradual process of downright disapproval. i was right. i should've mentioned this program at a much later time so they'd have less time to work on the "discouraging" part. and earlier tonight in the middle of our dinner, my mom downright shot at me:

"why do you have to keep mentioning that thing in front of me?!"

see here, i wasn't enjoying my dinner at all the whole night. i was distracted, down, and stressed in my head. my stomach felt sick. all i wanted was a little inkling of support in my new interest and so far i had none. hell, we were at an effing buffet and i couldn't even get through my first plate without wanting to just stop pretending, leave, and curl up in a ball somewhere so i could have some time to re-convince myself again that i'm not throwing my future away, wasting time and money, or my education. that this wouldn't be a mistake, that even though i'm pursuing the career of a science researcher (mebbe) and that this would most likely not help me in any way in getting there, spending one meager summer doing something that i actually wanna do wouldn't ruin any future opportunities for my career.

and so i did the dumb thing that i usually do nowadays and actually shot a response back. something along the lines of:

"i'm not always mentioning it in front of you! it's not like i'm doing it on purpose!! it's just what i'm interested in at the moment and you know what happens - i like to talk about what i'm interested in! like guitar hero! i was interested in that before and i always talked about it and you never said anything!! so now i'm interested in this so can't i talk about it?! hahawow..."

yeah. stupid. it effectively killed our "happy" little dinner. and in a way. i was satisfied. i wanted to ruin the night like they've done to me for the past week or so. i wanted the food to taste bad for them just like it did for me. i wanted to hurt and to make them hear me.

obviously, my retort wasn't entirely true. in a way, i can feel myself wanting to mention it in front of my parents all the time. and perhaps i was actually doing it without me even realizing. the more they didn't wanna hear it, the more i wanted them to. it was like. maybe, just maybe, if i said it enough times, i could pound it into their heads. make them support me.

perhaps they could see how dedicated i am through my resilience. i mean, isn't that something they always wanted me to learn? not to give up? to do things that would teach me independence, to get me outta my element and challenge myself?

or did they always want me to never give up on what they wanted. challenge myself with things they want me to do. be independent in the ways they envisioned for me. the ways they expected i'd be.

nor would they give me any good reason for me not to do it. the reasons ran from it's way too hot in the summer to a simple, incredulous...biking?? half the time, i find myself pretending not to know why they don't support it. it even makes me feel better to believe the reasons they gave me were actually their real reasons. i find myself wanting to believe that they simply believe it'd be just too physically exhausting for me. or that they just don't think i could ever, in a million years, raise 4,000 dollars by myself.

but i know the real reason.

it's because it has no academic value. it's manual labour. basically, it's a waste of time. most crucial time of my pre-career young adult life and what am i doing? still foolin' around. still being a kid. wanting to bike around and play. why couldn't i teach? get a real research job? apply for internships?

at least landmark volunteers helped for college apps. of course it wasn't ideal, perhaps going to moorpark and taking a few classes or being a leader and setting up a few clubs would have been better. if only she'd studied more and gotten a higher SAT score. but she was young. she'd grow out of it. and it was already a great thing that she'd do any type of community service that involved being on her own. plus, it was mentioned in some featured high school graduate's list of things done in high school. and look where it got that girl! harvard!

but now look where she is. already going to be a sophomore in college. time to grow up. stop doing stupid things. stop playing around. hell, she hasn't even got a direction as to what her major is going to be and all she's thinking about is riding around on bikes and building houses for free?? why couldn't she do something more intellectual? learn how to be an adult. get some real skills.

i imagined my parents' reactions to be different. honestly, i thought they'd be thrilled. a little shocked at the amount of work, a little disbelieving at my fundraising capabilites, but happy that i'd do something that required me to get out and adapt myself (my family's never been big on the whole helpingouttochangetheworld thing so i never considered that to be an influencer for them). they've always harped on how i'd never be able to do a program that involved my being on my own for extended periods of time with a whole new set of strangers. well now, i'd be gone for a whole 2 months. not just adjusting to one new environment, but one for every day of those 2 months.

and even if they weren't thrilled at the idea since it still involved manual labour, at least they'd be lukewarm to the idea, right? and perhaps they'd warm up to it over time. they wouldn't be able to say to themselves, my daughter went to oxford on a scholarship to study the chemical effects of lysergic acid diethylamide on the brain with world renowned neuroscientist, (blank)...but at least they'd be able to have a little pride in saying to themselves. haha my daughter is crazy. she raised 4,000 dollars, literally biked 3,600 miles across the whole united states, and helped build houses along the way for lower income families. now how many kids do that?

sometimes, my naivete still surprises me. you'd think i'd grow up by now. of course, they wouldn't be too keen with something like this. it's boyish and (intellectually)unproductive, not worth the time or energy, and more like play than anything else in their eyes. it angers me sometimes to think how my parents still don't think i've grown up at all. but it's just downright sad when i realize myself that really, my parents are right. i haven't grown up. i'm not mature. why?

cause i am still so dependent on my parents. i can't even make decisions by myself. i can't even buy a shirt (that's not from threadless) without consulting my mom cause last time i did that, she didn't like it and i never wore it again (wow that sounded really bad).

but it's true. why else would i let all their comments get to me. all the "you're stupid, fat, unmotivated, lazy, inconsiderate, rebellious, boyish, dependent"s. dependent, there's that word again. why do i even care. you'd think one'd get used to it and learn to rely on herself by now.

and what makes me keep trying? what makes me think that one day, i'll actually live up to them. finally pay back all they've given me. make them truly happy and content with who i am. foolish hope that only the mind of a child could have. contrary to pavolvian theory, i still haven't seemed to learn from the repeated attempts at ever satisfying my parents. sometimes, i even dream that one day, i'd be able to change my parents and what they think. HA! imagine that, change them!

time to wake up and smell the fresh coffee yo. you're far from ever being that perfect child so why not just accept it and start living life for yourself. at least satisfy one end of the spectrum. it's already getting harder and harder to hear discouraging comments. sometimes i wonder how i even heard the same things everyday when i was little and not even say a single word in defense. perhaps i really was emptyheaded haha.

it's frustrating sometimes. trying to seek their approval. and it's scary. how am i ever going to make a big decision on my own. i still await the day when i can do my own thing, something they don't approve of, and not feel bad about it. not feel like i'm screwing up and taking something away from them when they'd worked so hard for everything.

but also, when i really think about it, sometimes i feel that the biggest reason i need their approval is so that i know that if i mess up, it'll be okay (well more okay than if they didn't approve). in some sense, if they supported whatever i was doing, then failing wouldn't have been completely my fault. they wouldn't be able to say. we told you so or see, we let you go on your own and what do you do? fail. you should've listened. they'd carry part of the blame too, part of the failure because they'd help point the way.

iono. hopefully, my interest in bike and build will last for a long time since my next summer already has plans. and hopefully (or not so much) no other opportunities or whatever will pop up to deter me from doing it. or if anything does, i hope it pops up early enough so i could plan ahead and still fit everything in.

but yeah. it could very well be a chance to do something for once that was completely of my own volition. and thinking of just how big a task this program would be, how wonderful would that feel. how great it would be to know that i'd finally done something of my own, without the backing of my parents for once, and succeeded. i could show them off and prove myself. this is all assuming, of course, that i wouldn't feel miserable throughout the whole trip about their disapproval and like ...fall off my bike and get hit by a passing car on some freeway in the middle of nowhere and then have to get embarrassingly sent home early.

or maybe my interest will eventually be dampened and my motivation will ebb away, making it easier to give up on the idea as it usually does, seeing how shortsighted i am.

but for now, i should work on being less obsessed (e.g. stop planning in my head all the ways i'd present my fundraising speeches and which neighborhoods to fundraise in or looking at camelbaks and past participants' travel blogs) and actually work on my current hw at hand.

oh. and on a random note, i finally got contacts again. apparently these ones don't dry as easily and are better for astigmatism buuut...frankly, my eyes feel just as dry as they used to be.

also, WHY SO HOT HERE.

so now that you've lost me, rest your weary head

2007-08-29T23:58:00.000-07:00

whoo first post in a looong time. though it doesn't feel that way since i wrote one the other night. it was on depression and the sorts though, so i thought it too awkward for a post now. perhaps i will change my mind and only the most attentive of you will catch it hidden among the archives in the future. but for now, alas(,a cornucopia of love!) , it will be lost and forgotten.

alright. so i get my ass back home early today, leaving a very awesome lion dance practice behind me just so i could start my modern art paper that's due friday...and what do i do? that's right. i...don't start it.

now the real question is "whyohwhy cassidy, have you made such a rash move as to not start your paper when you have only two nights left and know that writing (and thinking in general) is definitely not your strong point?"

i will tell you why. but before i do, i will explain what "bike & build" is. you're probably like wtfmate? but don't worry, it'll make sense later. so basically, bikeandbuild.org is a non-profit organization that works with habitat for humanity in creating more affordable housing in the u.s. how do they this? using college students of course. basically, students bike across the whole country while stopping at several stops along the way to help build houses for free. and ta da. done. that easy.

ANYWAYS, back to where we were. so once upon a time, SOMEONE mentioned to me about this (awesomely)insane program called bike & build. now she did not do this just once, but probably 10 times over....over the course of the past year or so.

not only that, but on every occasion of mentioning the damned program, a casual after-note would always follow.. something along the lines of "you should do it. you'd like it." little did she know (or DID she), how much i'd take these careless, almost teasing remarks to heart. well, okay. actually, it took quite a few mentions to really get me thinking about it. but hey. i got there eventually.

to make it worse, this horrible person would occasionally make sound and reasonable (well kinda) comebacks to my excuses for not considering doing it. a typical, short dialogue of the matter:

"no."
"why not? you'd like it"
"cause...cause...there aren't any routes that go here and plus, isn't this some east coast college or Brown-specific thing? my school doesn't have this program."
"cass, this is nation-wide program. anyone can join."
"oh. ...iono. still, there aren't any routes that go here."
"let's see...hey, you can do the south route! i think it's new."
"mmm...but doesn't seem like it's a west coast thing. anyways, i dunno if i can do it."
"psh, you went trail building and didn't shower for two weeks. it's something you would do."
"NO...no. it's not the same."
"plus, you never think before you do things. you don't plan. you just throw yourself at things. it works."
"NO...i plan! i....think!"
~_^
"yeah...okay no i don't." (lame.)

clearly, i lose for lack of better argument. as always. so i haven't thought about bike & build for a while now. of course, only when i actually have no time to be browsing on the internet do i start looking into it a bit more. and now the scary part.

i'm starting to warm up to the idea.

BAD. conflict! indecisiveness! waste of time! what am i doing?? am i crazy? well. it wouldn't be too bad would it? yeah it'll be unbelievably tough. i'll be out of place once again among a group of super-energetic, probably somewhat more experienced, motivatedtochangetheworld, east coasters. but i guess landmark volunteers was kinda the same thing. only this time, it'll be amped up a bit. no, a lot.

i mean, it'll be cool. kinda like a growing curve. graduate from one, move onto a higher level.

or not. biking up 10% hill grades for extended periods of time? hell, i don't even bike that much. actual training beforehand? required volunteer work before the trip? prepared PRESENTATION WTF? oh. and not to mention a little thing called a fundraiser. a 4,000 dollar one. o_o

will i be able to stand mingling with people more physically and mentally apt than me for a whole 2 months? meeting town locals wherever i go and explaining our agenda for affordable housing? am i even passionate about helping this issue out? heck, i don't even know much about it.

but then again, have i ever really known much about the things i "throw myself at" before i did just exactly that, throw myself at it? isn't this why my parents have so much concern over letting me go take a shot at life for myself? well, at least i am somewhat selective about what i do end up throwing myself at. (eg. hell as never going to throw myself at some teaching job o_o)

and it usually works out. all it takes is a bit of...shutting your eyes (really)tight and taking that first hop. then there's no stopping from there and hey! you've gotta finish it or die so. take your pick. plus, the nature of biking is one where as long as you have enough will to push yourself to keep going, you won't fail (unless you die of heatstroke i guess). and the whole fundraising thing? i'm sure it won't kill me. a bit of discomfort never hurt anyone. meeting mass amounts of people and giving presentations? think of it as a learning experience (meep).

see, mentally i'm almost there. physically, well, i've always been a bit reckless with my body...confidence isn't usually an issue in that area. i'll deal with it then. oh, the benefit of shortsightedness. but then the final, hardest dilemma always impedes my good judgment: Time.

do i have time to do this? when should i do it? but what if something else pops up and i miss a great opportunity cause i'm already committed to this? regret? will i need to be constantly involved in research by then? what if this wastes my time and i could've been doing things to prepare for grad school apps and whatnot? maybe i won't even graduate on time!

MUH.

k. switching gears. went hiking tues morning by myself for the first time. left 7:30, got to the top at 8. china flats took less time than expected. sat at the top for the next 2 hours reading kite runner and basically pretending i was king of the world or something. so quiet...no people. it was glorious. mebbe i'll do it again soon. ohyeah. and unexpectantly, a hummingbird hovered literally 2 feet away from my face for a good 5 seconds or so, probably checking my amazing amazingness out.

have already started drum training for lion dance. learned to pick up things faster than expected so might even get to drum for our upcoming performances on next fri and sat. still not so keen on the improvising but meh. that's lion dance for ya. it's probably good for me.

still deciding on whether or not i should join more clubs next quarter. taiko or martial arts? or both? or none. iono, one of my fellow lion dance members keeps harping on me about taiko. but perhaps i should get my grades up first. or i could just give up on the schooling, party all the time, get "real experience (aka more partying)," and be homeless for the rest of my life. sweet.

....man i should do my paper now. what's a thesis again?

she fell from the 31st floor

2007-07-03T22:01:00.000-07:00

i hate grades, i hate classes, i hate enrollment. contrary to popular belief, enrollment is not always easy and may limit the development of true higher learning and intellectual curiosity. simply said: passing your classes is only HALF the effing battle.

enrollment is like ebay but worse. there's the gambling and guessing and bluffing and winning and losing along with a big dose of good ol' fashioned luck of the draw. only difference is that you're no longer betting on just another of 238493 'special edition', completely useless, framed posters of henry VIII's mom's grandmother's great-uncle's face... but rather your classes, your professors, your grades, your health, your future, your LIFE. (mebbe. a littles)

enrollment makes me hate school, the system, my fellow students, and all of mankind in general. it makes me think sick, twisted, hateful thoughts and makes me hope for atrocious, man-eat-man circumstances. it provokes bad dreams and conjures apparitions of evilly triumphant, manic faces and sick, ugly laughter most unpleasing to the ear. basically, i want to grab a small squirrel and chuck it across the room.

ihateenrollmentihateenrollmentih8enrollmentih8enrollmentiEFFINGhateenrollment

HATE.

i crossed my fingers, but i didn't beg

2007-07-02T23:54:00.000-07:00

yup. still not feelin the blog vibe. plus. no one reads this anymore so it works out.

i'll just try to chart down some things that have happened.

-i...had a dream in which i shot and killed around 5 people
-attempted to watch supernatural for jade. couldn't take it anymore 5 min into the pilot. slept with lights on for the next 2 days.
-first day working in the research lab was last wed. apparently i was the only one chosen for the position. probably a first in my life.
-first day of research was stressful. stupid parking services forgot to send me my access card. left house at 6:45, got to school's transportation services at 7:45...which is notorious for bad service and long waiting time. had to run back to car 3 times to refill parking meter (and help some woman who didn't seem to read english very well set up her parking) and call lab to inform high school intern i would be late. 1 hour and 15 min later, obtain card, and park. run all the way up to franz hall lobby. realize i left phone in car (which i needed to call lab since my card did not have access to the lab yet). ran all the way back down. and all the way back up. pissed and sweating buckets and nervous as hell since it was my first day. am brought down by intern...who tells me the lab manager isn't in yet and i can just. chill. i check my mail. just my luck, lab manager emailed in morning saying she'd be in a little late. stress for nothing. URGH.
-took animal lab certification exam last friday. it was easy....like. really stupidly easy.
-andrew's bday. i...played/watched andrew play video games for like 4 hours straight.
-woke at 7am on sunday and couldn't sleep, got this intense urge to go outside. walked around outside for an hour. wished i was in new mexico again. :P
-i'm halfway through hp6. fast considering how much a sleep during the day cause it's so damn warm all the time.
-swam in aloni's pool. first time swimming in almost a year.
-traversed through ben's house for the first time.
-saw ratatouille with the little peeps and...some other random folk who i did not know were even there "watching it with us" till the end of the movie.
-saw neurologist. still no one knows what's wrong with my head. diagnosis: mebbe early onset of migraines...mebbe.
-1st pass enrollment for next quarter was this morning. stressful. as usual, suck.
-in general....random hanging out with whoever wants to, lots of sleeping, smashing, and....yuh. sleeping.

things that will happen:
-need to be at lab tomorrow by 8:30am. die.
-las vegas/grand canyon wed-sun. 2nd enrollment will be interesting(ly stressful).
-hp movie midnight showing on the 11th. yayz
-animal training hands-on lab certification thingy. maybe i'll get to inject rats with stuffs.
-hp7 midnight opening on the 21st
-....4 hours later, gettin on a flight to london.
-europe trip happens. back the day before summer school starts.
-summer school starts aug 6. ohman, better not fail. not failing would be nice. excellent, even.

and apparently, there is going to be a pinkberry next to westlake's traitor joe's. ben just told me for the second time. and to prevent me from forgetting again, i've decided to write this down. oh. the topanga mall also has one. now no one will ever visit me at school. sigh.

...i h8 enrollment. with a passion.

with a john deer logo and stain on the back

2007-06-14T01:55:00.000-07:00

omgz DONE.

math final kinda felt like the worst i've ever done...so much so that i'm really hoping i pass the class. but. ohwell

so i've been home for what. maybe 5 hours now, and i already have no idea what to do with myself. it's always when you get a shitload of free time when all those things you "needed" or "really really wanted" to do, all kinda disappear. procrastinating free time to nothing is the worst feeling sometimes >:|

basically spent the last 3 outta 5 hours playing super smash melee with my newly acquired controllers and etc. i must say, it is pretty glorious compared to my ghetto version from middle school. was sad to find that much has changed since i stopped video gaming...and i really suck at the new controls. it makes me frustrated sometimes. BUT it's okay. that's what's summer's for

but for some reason, i'm already bored. or rather...i don't know how to spend my time anymore. should i...stay up until 5 every morning and play video games just because i can? should i...sleep early and wake up extra early to get going on my exercise plan? or should i just sit here...and do nothing. mmm, good idea.

maybe i'll list the things i...at least wanted to do when i was still stuck at school...

practice super smash
practice ddr
eat less
exercise more/play sports/gym/go out in general
practice guitar
reread harry potter
get a job
get into research
start animating/modeling again
read other random books
practice right handed writing some more
go to lion dance practice
ride a bike that actually works
continue planning shirt design with friend
hangout/do some massive chillin

things i need to do:
check enrollment dates for fall quarter
find/plan classes
enroll in classes
get summer textbooks
reserve copy of hp
go to research interview (wtf do i wear)
go to op graduation
go to neurologist/fill out some form
start learning LD drumming parts
microwave cookies with jen (yes i count this as a chore)
burn new cd for car (will most likely be commuting lots o_o)

maybe i'll just...start rereading harry potter :>

[edit]
...i also really really desperately need to unpack/clean...nuuuu

take a pill, don't tell me how to feel

2007-06-06T00:12:00.001-07:00

ima try to blog again.
things that've happened in the recent past:

got a couple gamecube controllers and memory card off ebay.

got a shirt from threadless.

wasted lots of money on gamecube accessories and a shirt.

was rejected from campus events. probably cause i wrote too much/have bad taste in music.

was told to start learning drumming for LD :D

have been encouraged to tryout for both of school's taiko groups...dilemma?

then encouraged by coordinators not to "do too much"...as there is more "flexibility" in LD..."leadership positions." what the hell does that mean ~_^

had a "book" reading session. byob. gettit?

wrote 9 pages in two days. that's gotta be a personal record.

threw LD coordinator into the ocean...the same one we pied in the face. poor jon.

it was also caught on tape. like last time :>

met tim, my "twin" at uci. decided he sometimes acts like me. mebbe. a little.

played with chem models kits for first time. felt like children that didn't know how to play with toys properly.

had a weirdass dream...like. really weird.

future LD coordinator is secretly organizing a present thing for current coordinators. current coordinators are secretly organizing presents for each other. but what they really don't know is that 4 newbies are actually organizing presents for all of 'em. and no one but these 4 know. *grin*

was literally dragged almost all the way into victoria's secret for a...measurement. escaped only by scaring friends off and running away. o_o

went to pinkberry.

had name stolen and had to give a false name for the first time at pinkberry.

gave the name jade, had them type it in wrong as "jadfe" and was confused when they called out....well...."jadfe."

friend who stole my name unfortunately had her order lost. my name proceeded to be the most frequently yelled out name in the next 5 minutes. oy.

jeanine's birfday...and roomie's...and other peoples...

friend was attacked by a hobo. specifically, whacked in the back of the head by one. um. yuh.

k. chem quiz study time. so screweded...ed. :(

i want to take you far from the cynics in this town

2007-05-23T14:20:00.000-07:00

i no longer really want to get a job over summer or try finding research opportunities. i mostly just wanna sit on my ass all day, play super smash bros, fiddle around with the guitar, and maybe start on my next animation/modeling idea. i don't know what it is, if it's 3rd quarter makeitstop!-ness or just a phase in my usual ups and downs of thingsiwannado, or what. but it's true. i wanna stop time. and just be an obnoxious, lazyass little kid again...minus piano...and workbooks this time.

ohyeah. and i gotta reread harry potter.

reality is though, that i'll probably go around looking for a job or for research, apply, not get accepted, and end up sitting on my ass, playing ssb and guitar...while being scorned at for being so lazy and unmotivated as usual. oh how sweet life is.

on another point, i realize that my blogging has changed somewhat from when i first started. i no longer really feel the need to blog about every single event that has happened to me anymore. which kinda sucks because my memory also sucks and without blogging, everything fades faster in my mind and when people ask "so tell me about school," i say "i don't really remember" because, most likely, i really don't.

maybe blogging's lost its novelty, or i've gotten lazier or don't care anymore. or. perhaps school's just given me enough stuff to worry about and has rendered me too tired to and too disinterested in blogging. i guess i'll just wait for summer to roll around for the moment of truth.

but for now, ima not think about the math midterm earlier today, be grateful that i at least will have a score for the midterm thanks to yin's lucky phone call, try to finish this reading and write-up that's due in a couple hours, continue chem midterm studying, and totally not think about the ps2 that is sitting next to my feet, how amazingly glorious the new super smash bros will be, how the combination of gravity and malfunctioning airplanes can be highly lethal, or food in general.

ohman. this is gonna be hard(z).

you can't swim in a town this shallow

2007-05-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

knowing that you'll never be more than the bottom of the above-averages because you're incapable of believing otherwise can be a real downer sometimes.

the cruel uneventful state of apathy releases me

2007-04-30T21:35:00.000-07:00

so like. recently there've been a slew of LD vids being posted up on youtube. and because i'm pretty much the hottest person in the world. i'm going to post them here.

dance marathon (first performance as head. i sucked please don't look at this one)
called "practice fun 1"
"practice fun 2"
"practice fun 3"
corny culture night trailer thingy...i look so legit as a cymbaler
glory.
glory. (shortened version of the....very very extended version that i will not torture you with o_0)

wow. that was a lot. it's okay. i'm worth it.
i feel kinda sleezy now.

ANYWAYS...stolen from jeanine (b/c i have no life):

Level 1
() smoked a cigarette
() smoked a cigar
() smoked weed/other
() kissed a member of the same sex
(x) drank alcohol (har. har.)
SO FAR: 1

Level 2
(x) said "I love you" to someone
(x) had a pet die (i've killed too many)
() shoplifted
() been fired
() been in a fist or slap fight (i've witnessed one though..then was forced to confess what i saw. it was tramautizings)
() fell down a mountain
SO FAR: 3

Level 3
() snuck out of a parent's house
() had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
() been arrested
() made out with a stranger
() gone out on a blind date
(x) lied
SO FAR: 4

Level 4
() had a crush on an older/younger person
(x) skipped school
() slept with a co-worker
(x) seen someone/something die (bugs?)
SO FAR: 6

Level 5
() had/have a crush on one of my Facebook friends
(x) been to Paris
() been to Spain
(x) been on a plane
(x) thrown up from drinking (BAH >:0)
SO FAR: 9

Level 6
(x) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding
() met someone BECAUSE of facebook
(x) been mosh pitting (wasn't too hardc0re but there was def some crowd surfing and stage diving...right onto me...goin' on)
SO FAR: 12

Level 7
() been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken pain killers
() loved/liked someone who you can't have (these questions all sound the same)
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
SO FAR: 15

Level 8
() had a tea party (having been to one is diff from having had one right)
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
() played dress up
SO FAR: 18

Level 9
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) fallen asleep at work/school (still do folks)
SO FAR: 22

Level 10
(x) used a fake/someone else's ID (to swipe me some grub :P)
(x) watched the sunset
(x) felt an earthquake
() killed a snake
SO FAR: 25

Level 11
(x) been tickled
() been robbed/vandalized
(x) robbed someone/vandalized (i kinda stole a tiny action figure from the super market when i was really little...but my mom caught me :()
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a deer
SO FAR: 29

Level 12
(x) won a contest
() been suspended from school
() had detention
(x) been in a car/motorcycle accident (they hit us okay? >:0..oh i guess i did run my cousin's motorcycle type thing into a telephone pole)
SO FAR: 31

Level 13
(x) had/have braces
() eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight (ran in it too :D)
SO FAR: 34

Level 14
(x) hated the way you look
() witnessed a crime
() pole danced
(x) questioned your heart (everyday yo. everyday. EMO)
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes (actually...my future roomie and i plan to cover our whole room with post-its...heh. heh)
SO FAR: 37

Level 15
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost (ALL THE TIME...actually i got lost in the medical center today. h8 that place)
(x) been to the opposite side of the world
(x) swam in the ocean/gulf/lake
(x) felt like you were dying
SO FAR: 42

Level 16
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers (sharpies count right)
() sang karaoke
(x) paid with only coins
SO FAR: 46

Level 17
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
() made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
() kissed in the rain
SO FAR: 48

Level 18
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
() been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
() made a bonfire on the beach (so close.)
SO FAR: 51

Level 19
() crashed a party
(x) have traveled more than 5 hours with a car/bus full of people
(x) gone rollerskating/blading
() had a wish come true (i was a demanding little bugger)
SO FAR: 53

Level 20
() worn pearls
() jumped off a bridge
() screamed 'PENIS' in class
() gone swimming with dolphins
SO FAR: 53

Level 22
(x) got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer/ice cube (not fun)
() kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex's clothes (HEY!)
() sat on a roof top
SO FAR: 55

Level 23
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
() done a one-handed cartwheel
() talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
SO FAR: 57

Level 24
() picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
() had/been in a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone
SO FAR: 59

Level 25
(x) believe/believed in ghosts
() have/had more then 30 pairs of shoes
() gone streaking
() been in jail
SO FAR: 60

Level 26
() played chicken
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
() been told you're hot by a complete stranger
() broken a bone
(x) been easily amused (um...yes.)
SO FAR: 62

Level 27
() caught a fish then LATER ate it
(x) made or been in a video (so many...as the top of this page reveals)
() caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
SO FAR: 65

Level 28
() mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
() slept naked (i think i tried...unsuccessfully)
() French braided someone's hair
() gone skinny dipping in a pool
() been kicked out of your house (only verbally ha.)
SO FAR: 68

Level 29
(x) rode a rollercoaster
(x) went scuba-diving/snorkeling
(x) had a cavity
() blackmailed someone
() been blackmailed
SO FAR: 71

Level 30
(x) fell going up the stairs (i just did the other day. so many fugging stairs)
() licked a cat/dog (what?)
() played hide and seek within the last 3 years
() bitten someone (wtf i don't have rabies. but i have been bitten before.)
() licked someone (i...licked myself the other day? shuddup..there was whipped cream on me)
SO FAR: 72

i still don't understand what the final number is supposed to mean >:0

this has been a very me me me me me memememememe post. please don't h8 mes.

i wait for the postman to bring me a letter

2007-04-28T14:58:00.001-07:00

hey kids. never drink on an empty stomach.

so the story goes down like this (jades, i bet you're so excited). yesterday, i had my chem and math finals. thus i slept somewhat lateish. went to midterms, didn't finish either (wtfman) and was like omg i failed...buuut i can't do anything about it sooo time to chill!

was so excited to chill that i totally forgot about lunch. then in the middle of my chillin' i was like hm. i'll read in bed. of course this leads to a fine nap. which lasts till EIGHT PM OMFG, when my friend calls and wakes me up. she tells me taylor(kendall, sara's bro) wanted me to go to his 21st bday party at some apartment with the rest of the peeps from other side of the dorm. they were leaving at 9pm.

i'm like okay yayz. i lay around in bed for a little longer, then take a shower. i attempt to throw on the best clothes i have (since they all dressed up wtfman) and boom. the time to go has arrived. i meet the others in the suite down the hall, they shove an almost empty bottle of rum in my hands and i finish it cause i've never had the stuff before (candy doesn't count) and was curious.

we walk over...during which my stomach starts being whiny and makes me realize i hadn't eaten since 9 that morning. i sense that this could be a bad sign. we reach the apartment, meet some of taylor's old friends (from ophs, some of whom were also from track which was awesome) and the party starts.

of course this being taylor's 21st...there was much alcohol around. all bought by none other than the bday boy himself. there was also a lot of pop music for the dancing bits. to start off, we all drink a couple shots in honor of taylor. as a lame attempt to make up for the lack of food in my stomach, i stuff down some goldfish after (which as you all may know, is not very effective at this point in the game). we play big booty for a while and loosen up and then start the music.

someone mixes me a drink...that ended up having way too much alcohol. stupid as i am, i drink it anyways and we all rock out...which also probably does not do much good for my body. a friend then gets me a beer and i start on that. why? i dunno. i guess i thought a beer would be diluted enough for me to take if i drank it slowly.

wrong. looking at my watch, i realize that i had done all that in the period of maybe an hour...on an empty stomach and messed up sleep system. all the moving around did not help either. i start feeling sick and headachey everytime i get up and dance for a bit. my eyes start having trouble focusing and to my horror, everytime i moved my head too quickly, a strange vertigolike effect took place.

i fumble to the fridge to get an otterpop (shuddup, they're good) and have a rougher time than usual locating the box in the dark and opening it up. taylor comes over and i mutter loudly "is this even open, i thought it was!" with ease, he pulls the flaps aside and grabs one for me. i am scared by my own lack of coordination and am sickened by how childish i am beginning to feel.

i sit back down and just. stay there. it was weird cause everything slowed down yet i knew that the only thing slowing down was actually me. it reminded me of the scene in garden state, when the guy sits on the couch at the party and watch people fly past him. massive headache aside, the "out of this world" type feeling was strangely pleasant and i could feel myself just smiling and giggling with my eyes half open. drunk people fell all over each other and onto me as well, sometimes spilling drinks all over and yet i didn't care. i was satisfied.

unfortunately, these weird feelings were soon overtaken by the rising intensity of my headache and a very disturbed stomach. i knew it was too late, i'd drank too much too fast in the worst condition possible. a couple of my friends decide to leave and i figure that just to be safe, i should go too.

besides the sensitivity to light and sound, i do a pretty good job walking back. okay. so maybe i was a bit sluggish in my movements cause everything did still seem to go in slow motion to me but i thought "okay. maybe my liver can take it before this goes too far."

we reach the dorm and i sit in the hallway of my floor because i decide i don't wanna risk making a mess in my room for the sake of my roomies. i already felt embarrassed enough for needing support on the way home.

a couple of friends decide to sit with me and we start chatting. i get increasingly dizzy and stop talking maybe 30 min later. i zone out with my eyes closed, hoping it'll all go away soon but finally, i feel it coming.

i gasp "ohno," jump up and run for the public bathroom on our floor as fast as i can.

well so... i didn't quite make it to the toilet.

my stomach gave out right as i burst through the bathroom door. it was the worst incidence of throwing up i've ever had. even worse than the time in 8th grade. i mean. i've never had the stuff come out of my mouth and nose at the same time. repeatedly. i did eventually make it to the toilet. but all that did was make even more of a mess.

i wash myself off for maybe 10min straight and though my throat and nose burned of acid or alcohol (i couldn't tell which), my body felt somewhat better since it had nothing more to purge. looking on the bright side, it also didn't taste as bad as my previous experiences probably cause there was not much to throw up but an array of alcoholic beverages.

but still. it sucked. cursing at myself for being such an idiot and feeling miserable for effectively destroying the bathroom, i execute a lame attempt to clean a bit of the filth up (only making it worse), and finally go back out and sit around with a group of other friends in the hallway since i still did not want to risk going back to my room. i ask a couple to do me the favor of writing "please do not enter. puke everywhere! sorry!" on a piece of paper and taping it to the bathroom door because i felt so bad.

we hang out till maybe 3am...at which point i had fallen temporarily asleep. they wake me up so i wouldn't be caught by an RA. i carefully tread my way back to my room, find a plastic bag, and lie down on the floor on my side in case anything was to happen again. finally, my headache and nausea subside at around 5am: happiest moment of my life.

i sleep till 8, take a shower, climb back into actual bed after making sure my body was able to keep its insides in again, and sleep till 1pm this afternoon. woke up, found myself starving, ate at 2pm and now i'm here, feeling perfectly fine again.

so now i'm trying to figure out what state i was exactly in. it was weird cause i was thinking pretty rationally the whole time and my speech wasn't slurred at all. in fact, though i was more talkative than normal, the whole time, i was explaining the biology of alcohol's effects on the body (i was probably trying to rationalize my state of being or something). it probably surprised my friend cause she kept interrupting me with genuine "omg! you're really smart"s. it made me giggle for some reason.

i remember everything clearly, never really blacked out, and didn't have a hangover today. either i was just really buzzed and can't take empty stomachs and really bad headaches very well...or i am a nerdy drunkard that can seem fairly sober while talking about biology. either way, i can never imagine myself getting past the point i was at yesterday. nor do i ever intend to. i never want to get to the point where people'd have to take care of me cause my brain's regressed to the functional capacity of a 2 yr old baby.

okay. maybe unless i get really depressed or something. cause hell, depressed people are never rational in the first place.

all in all i have learned:
1. i have low tolerance (most likely...i couldn't tell how much it really was but i'm sure it wasn't too much)
2. empty stomachs are really really bad for alcohol
3. what the "out of it" buzzed feeling feels like
4. i probably cannot be buzzed without risking throwing up (unless it was the empty stomach's fault)
5. OR i can be drunk and still function at a pretty high level intellectually (doubtful)
6. vomit can come out of your nose
7. empty stomachs are still really really bad for alcohol
8. PLEEZ NO MO'. for nows.

it was such a nice day out today. and all i've done was vegetate. awesomes.

i get scared but i'm not crawlin' on my knees

2007-04-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

so remember that cute little story i told you about the other day. it's kinda fuzzy now in my memory...but i believe it was about some retarded sleep deprivation that my body had decided to conduct on itself.

WELL IT WORKED ALRIGHT.

this morning, i wake. it's beautiful outside (pouring rain). i feel awesome. my body is so rested up and satisfied that i feel like i could run 10 miles (or maybe .10).

i let out a "awman life is good" sigh and casually glance over at my alarm clock.

1pm.

first reaction: freeze.
second: *dumb stare*
third: maybe i read the time wrong...i need my glasses
fourth: k no. it's still wrong. even with my glasses...clock must've run outta batteries

at this point my phone starts ringing and somehow my disoriented brain reasons this as "okay, well maybe it's saturday and a friend is calling" cause obviously the two go hand in hand (don't ask why). but then i realize that this idea is clearly absurd.

i start panicking and let out a somewhat loud moan. my roomie shuffles in her chair and declares her presence. she also seems very amused at my talent of sleeping for long periods of time.

i moan even louder and ask what time is it. she chuckles and answers. my heart sinks. it's over now. i have officially slept through all my classes for the first time at college. urgh.

chem and math. chem is okay cause my prof is retarded. math on the other hand...unacceptable. homework was due today. zero. what's worse, i realize that i woke right as class ended.

i sit up only to end up flat on my back again groaning at the pain in my chest.
the points! all those precious points! precioussss!! this must be worse than losing a lover.

okay. so maybe i'm exaggerating a little. but hey. you get the point. (speaking of points...OMGZ THOSE POINTS! NADA :(...)

anyways i call my mom back (she's the one who called) and she informs me she is on her way to pick me up (yes i am home now...for her bday cause i'm such. a good child like that. obviously.). she also hears the awful croak in my voice, finds out i've been sleeping, and panics when she finds out i didn't attend class. so does not help.

anyways. i jump outta bed after a final MUH and pack at lightening speed. i had so many other little errands to do this morning too. so. pissed.

this whole...ordeal has made me somewhat scared. i'm going to have to start using two alarm clocks again now. so cannot happen again. just...why. WHY?!!

anyways.
so ever since the vt shooting, my mom has been paranoid that i'll be the next violently suicidal homicidal perpetrator for some reason. actually, this typically happens after every news report or new magazine article about these types of occurrences. something along the lines of i dunno!! i can never tell!! you were always so quiet when you were little and never showed any emotion and and blahblahblah.

ironically, i'm actually the one who sits in class constantly thinking up all escape routes possible in case something like this was to ever happen.

yousee. i've got routes planned for all situations. if the dude came through the back door, or front, or even the seat behind me (though...i'm pretty sure if that was the happen, there'd be a .0000001 survival rate). the hardest things to plan however are about whether or not i should play dead or run for it or look for cover or even attack the dude given various situations. it's pretty complicated man.

know what's even funnier, a couple times i've gotten so paranoid at these thoughts that i was pretty convinced something would happen. i even started sweating a little. man i'll tell ya, the end of class never felt so good.

mmm..what else. well. i can't believe i spent 3 hours this afternoon stuck in my car with my sis at the park(it was still pouring outside) while she painted my mom's bday gift in the trunk...which reminds me. she still has to clean off the paint stains >:|

i think that's all i have to say for now
...whoa wait. it hailed in the op today?

i still love the way you feel

2007-04-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

HELLO ALL...ONE-AND-A-HALF PEOPLES WHO READ THIS

still alive. also just had a really bad night of sleep in which i...did not feel like sleeping and had to finally force myself into bed at 2:30, only to find once again that it doesn't work on me. rolled around in bed in a pretty horrible manner, gave up momentarily and watched videos on my ipod, and finally entered an inbetween state of consciousness around maybe 4 or so. went in and outta what-you-could-call-sleep-but-really-wasn't for 3 hours until my body finally got pissed off and refused to rest any longer. sooooo i lied in bed for an hour, staring at the ceiling and despairing at the fact that my mind was wide awake but my body still felt like shit. got up, took a shower and now i'm here.

that was long. i don't think my head is actually working properly yets. buuuut OHWELLS

alright. sooo last week, we had our big culture night performance which was pretty damn fun. getting lost in the maze of royce's basement is also fun. playing with one of those hugeass ghetto elevators designed for heavy materials...and then getting stuck inbetween the floors and being able to see all the dead things (well...and some alive) plastered to the walls...was fun too. oh. and entering from the back entrance that was designated "artist's entrance" just made me feel like a goddamn star(or. something).

and that was everyday for a week. skipped some class and was proud of myself too.

then there was this afterparty thing for the performance a night later at some club. that was also very exciting. esp since a couple of fellow newbies and i managed to sway some older (and more stubborn) members to go *cough*engineers*cough*

all of the above left me on a high. and i was basically oblivious to the world and probably did not care either. sometimes, it's nice to be distracted from reality i guess.

buuut then but then butthen (wow sorry, my heads). ohey "butthen" looks like "butt hen" hahahah. k.

then everyone got really restless cause when you suddenly go from having practice like 12 hours a day for 7 days straight to ...none, it feels like something is terribly missing. the remedy?

facebook (duh.)

so people posted pics and started commenting and just...kept on commenting (the 5 or so "someone has commented on a picture of you" emails every hour make me feel popular, really). to make it worse, someone posted youtube videos of practice making it all nostalgic and shiz. it was good when yesterday came around and we were able to...lion dance all the energy out.

shiz i'm hungry. breakfast break.

okay. sooo chem is still retarded. had my first quiz. made by the TAs with a time limit of 20min each, they are meant to be failed. except i did not know that. fuckers.

so yeah. i panicked, did poorly yadda yadda and neandered out the classroom in uttershock. too bads for my life.

later that day i attend my first tutoring session. where i was informed that the averages on the quizzes are usually "3 or 4 pity points" on each quiz...adding up to maybe "14 outta 40" total points possible. which made me feel a hell of a lot better.

but then he informs us that our prof is a week behind in his lectures from where he should be and that it is most likely we won't even reach our whole last ochem section. we're like "um. screweded?" ...and the tutor is like...no...it's okay...not. really. i mean [the next chem prof] will probably do a review for you and it's all just useless naming stuff you never use anyways (basically, yes. you are teh screwed.)

i also realize that if this turns out to be true, then that 40bucks i spent on the st00pid "specialized 3 chapters of ochem for ucla students" we had to get would have been for nothing. fjdaffjkdl

anyways. so mr. tutorman also takes a poll on how many people still attend class. basically the only ones were the girl next to me, the guy two seats down, another dude in the back row and...me. the tutor's only comment was "yuh that's what i thought." i was personally embarrassed.

so we start the lesson. i answer something wrong and am told another student in his previous class answered the same exact way and that my TA "is on crack," which was very comforting for a split sec cause i was still pissed about the quiz. however i realized soon after just how d00med for chem i was (ITSNOTEVENOCHEMYETFORCRYINOUTLOUDWAH).

i think chem finally did me in...my brain is crashing. yaysleeeeeeeep. but math hw. must. do. noes.

fuggernuts.

all the mistakes one life could take

2007-04-04T18:27:00.000-07:00

today in chem:

1. "now, what is goin' on here is a very interestin' phenomenon where...

...

...well... i dunno, y'all can look it up on wikipedia.com. they've gotta...uh... good description 'bout it."

2. "so what's happenin' in this reaction, it's like hikin'. say ya start from here 'n take this path 'n yer friend starts at the same place 'n goes this way instead. now...um. well. er. *insert frustrated noise and 5 sec pause* man, ah had it all planned 'n figured out nicely before...

...well. whatever. ANYWAYS these two reactions added together equals the final 'un."

and last but far from least 3. (my favorite)

(writes on board while talking) "so deltaH of fusion is when the state function is goin' from a solid to a liquid. so. it equals [H of liq] - [H of solid].

now what 'bout deltaH of melting? that's when it's goin' from a liquid to a solid. so. it equals [H of solid] - [H of liq]."

(wave of confusion passes over previouslycomotose class)

"so-"[student interrupts]

student: isn't melting from a solid to a liquid?

"...[stares dumbly for a sec]...wai- um. could ya say that again?"

(student repeats)

"...[turns and stares at board for a few sec]...um...[seems more confused]...oh. wait. yes. [corrects board for H of melting]...

so-i'm sorry-the deltaH of fusion is for liquid ta solid [starts correcting board again]"

(second wave of confusion in audience)

student: isn't fusion and melting the same thing?

"... ... ...um. ye-es. yuh. it is. [recorrects halfway corrected writing on board. then stares at board]

...so um. the change from liquid ta solid would be...actually ah don't think there's a word fer it..."

several (v annoyed)students: wouldn't it just be FREEZING?!!

"...ah yes! yuh. so it'd be. deltaH of freezing [returns to board]."

(much suppressed laughter from class)

it's even better when you can hear his southern accent.

yups.
i wanted to cry.

where no one notices the contrast of white on white

2007-04-03T14:18:00.001-07:00

okay. this is dumb. it's only the second day back but each day feels like it contains 48 hours rather than 24. therefore, it feels like i've been here twice as long as i really have. know why?

BECAUSE I HAVE ALMOST NOTHING TO DO.

that's right. pretty much no work. at ALL. i did my like 2 pages of reading for my first sexclusterseminar on thurs already. i've had one chem and math class already but amazingly, we learned almost nothing. i've never had profs who spent almost all of the first day of class...going over syllabi (and btw, my chem prof is kinda...inexperienced as my ta has informed us today. great.). today i've had math and chem disc. both of which we got out early cause THERE WAS NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. >:0

this lack of work is unnerving. in a horribly restlessly itchingly nagging way. having work drives me crazy. not having work drives me insanes too. wahh

only cause i know everything will hit about a week later. when chem and math have fully booted up and my seminar starts assigning 338943 hour documentaries to watch and my other seminar 's readings progress farther than "read 3/9th of a page intro to book."

in addition lion dance has just informed us via email of our practice schedule this/next week:

wed(tomorrow): practicez!! YAYZ + ONE EXTRA HOUR OF FUN (we know you haven't been practicing over breaks *evil grin*)
thur: MORE PRACTICES YAYZ
fri: DONT YOU <3333 PRACTICE
sat: RETREAT AKA WHOLE DAY PRACTIZ
sun: CONTINUATION OF WHOLEDAYPRACTICE THINGIMEANRETREAT
sun...um. night: REHEARSAL AKA PRACTICE...JUST WITH MORE PEEPLZ AROUND!
mon: PRACTICEZYO ITS GOOD FOR YOU REALLY
tues: REHEARSALS AGAINZ
wed: WHOLE DAY REHEARSALZ BETCHES! (what about class?) OH FORGOT ABOUT THATS WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHINGOUT. BESIDES, PRANCING AROUND IN ROYCE HALL IS BETTERS
wed...um. night: showtime bitches. hope you're not dead by this time.

nah, i'm sure it'll be tons of fun.

also, my new schedule so far:

gloriously empty.

she's drunk enough when she's sober

2007-04-01T23:50:00.000-07:00

@ SCHOOLZBAHAHA.

so on the way here, i noticed a sign by the freeway that said "university of phoenix next exit."

now, i always thought the university of phoenix was in youknow.. phoenix, arizona. but i guess that was my crazy logic at work again.

youknow how awesome it would be to be at school...without schooling. man. the endless possibilities.

but really. it's nice to be back. besides the being away from ze 'ol friends and the nicer air quality and op-specific dining (subcontractor?! juice?!), of course. being home also has its tensions and stresses and awkwardness. it's initially sorta nice to a certain extent and then it becomes just plain. uncomfortable.

and as dr. stanfordman "sarcoidosis" says: PROLONGED STRESS IS BAD FOR YOU KIDDIES!!!1

but i still really don't wanna work.

seriously.

hey! teacher! leave them kids alone

2007-04-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

BAH! SCHOOLS! WORK! CHEMS! MATHZ?! WHAT?!

NO!

i used to get away with so much

2007-03-22T19:22:00.000-07:00

w00t. done. and home.

so out of it by now was just going to flop into bed and never wake up until i realized that i'm...not very hygienic at the moment.

in fact, now that i've had time to think about it, i've had the same pants on since...saturday. this shirt that i have on has been on since...after my chem midterm on tues. and that was only after i realized i'd been wearing my pj shirt from saturday up till after chem on tues. yum.

oh. yes, i showered if you're wondering. i think i just got lazy or was crazy and kept rewearing the same clothes...i dunno. it made sense at the time.

also my sleep and hunger cycles are kinda trippy. i think my body's really confused. kinda funny actually.

also am deeply grateful to my friend (and her roomies) who i totally ran all the way down the hill to at 2am because chem was being abusive. we talked(bad about) chem and she gave me gummy worms and coffee ^_^

but alas the time came for me to get some sleep at around 5. except we're both probably the most paranoid people you'll ever meet...so we uh. started getting overly paranoid that i'd get murdered on the way back up to my dorm. shuddup it's a long way up okay?

at first she offered some pepper spray. but then after a split second later changed her mind and offered her bed (as she had two finals the next day and was planning not to sleep)...this only frightened me more and i eventually took her offer.

woke up a few hours later at 8:30 or so to find my friend still studying. she was also barely alive so i got up and made her sleep for an hour before breakfast. in which time i decided to greet chem again. her roomies woke to find me still stinking up their room and found it rather pitiful. one was like omg- *sigh* here. and threw a pillow at me to sit on. which was really nice considering my..intrusion upon their space.

and now my thoughts are starting to trail off again. so ima shower...the first real shower in a while. :DD

[edit(s)]
so it's kinda cool. i just remembered the dream i had...technically it was this morning during my 4 hour sleepfest before my math final. it was a really awesome dream actually. so like my floormmate (future roomie) and i were studying math in this dream...just like how we had been in reality not too long before. the book was open in front of me and she was explaining some theorems to me and such.

and then then numbers slowly morphed into letters and subscripts and soon enough all the text started blurrying...and without my noticing in the dream, the explanations gradually became CHEMIFIED!...it was like a math/chem hybrid fest! by the end it was all chems har har har.

but it was good anyways because everything seemed to make sense (youknow how everything seems to make sense in your dreams? like that.)...and i think some of the math explanations in the beginning of the dream were actually correct. this might have been because i had trouble falling asleep..and had finally drifted off to the sweet echoes of mathematical equations running through my head. no lie. it was sad.

like your face.

ignorance is my best defense

2007-03-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

so sometime last week, got outta english class early and decided to sit on a bench in a quiet secluded corner of campus.

crossed my legs onto the bench, situated my backpack comfortably as a backrest. took out some english work and started writing some amazingly (un)insightful analysis about an extraodinar(ly boring) speech by chamberlain. to my surprise the bench shook from the direction of the empty seat next to me not long after. i was shocked at just how badly my peripheral vision had failed to do its duty but did not immediately look up in fear that the person who had just sat down next to me would find my surprised stare offensive.

but after a few more seconds i realized that my peripheral vision couldn't be that bad...seriously. i couldn't even see a pair of feet near me. and dude, the bench did not have that much room left in the first place.

so i look up.

staring back at me are two huge beady eyes..attached to the hairiest little body i'd ever seen, about 5 inches away from my foot. yup. it was a squirrel.

surprised but not too shocked, i sit there. staring lamely back and waiting for it to go away or something. youknow. how normal squirrels do. it wasn't long before i figured that a squirrel that would voluntarily approach a creature 50 times larger than its self within a distance much too dangerous for its health...was anything but normal.

so we sat there. and proceeded to have a staring contest for 15 seconds or so. a couple student tour groups passed by (omg so many tour groups all year round fjkdlaf). some kids pointed and laughed. and still the squirrel remained emotionless.

finally. i asked the squirrel telepathically. what. do you fugging want man. can't you see i'm busy.

and the squirrel replied (telepathically). gimme some food, bitch.

then i got angry that such a puny little creature would dare encroach upon my time and respect in such a degrading way. i mean. gimme a break, i'd just had barely two hours of sleep, i was sick and tired of analyses on dumb topics that were irrelevant to higher intellectual development, and the last squirrel i encountered ate the bread i threw at its ass (i hit it straight on btw).

so i snapped (outloud), go away stupid! i don't have any!, waving my awesome(ly aweful) english analysis after its cowardly facee. the person sitting on a nearby bench pretended not to notice me.

then i sat some more. reflecting upon what had just happened.

stupid squirrels.

(note: all events in this story are true. okay, maybe the dialogue exchange was absent...okay no. the dialogue exchange was indeed there. in my mind. and i did actually scold it outloud in the midst of my frustration. so there.)

k. back to CHEMS!

why is the best for you always the worst thing for me

2007-03-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

blargh.

it is dead week. you'd think seeing how that is the case, LD would hold a lighter practice.

WRONG.
but no, it was fun. and after, some peeps decided to walk me all the way up the hill to my dorm even despite the fact they live at the very bottom-most, farthest dorm possible from mine :D

we proceeded to give random piggyback rides to each other and talk and laugh...obnoxiously loud for the next two hours or so. without realizing that other people actually lived in the buildings around us. so finally, at around 2am someone shouted really really loudly from their window:

SHUDDUP!! IT'S QUITE HOURS!!! >:000

we instantly stfu and are like meep. i say a weak "sorry!" and we scatter.

woke up today not too sore, but not feeling like i'd really slept at all. eng class was extremely difficult to get through. math, even harder. skipped chem tutoring and sex lecture (which was a Q and A review session). and slept. because i couldn't make it anymore. am finding that the further the day progresses, the sore-er i get. so the more i sleep. and the more tired i get after each sleep session. always happens.

which is the problem. is it just me or do the aftereffects of intense exercise and stuff always hit you two days later instead of one? hrm.

ohyeah. random. just had some weirdass dreams again. people were trying to kill me again too. there were bombs and hugeass trees being cut down and...ninjas (seriously, the real scary kind) and...konnyaku?(it was set at some dinner party :P). har har.

anyways. only good thing is that every time after practice, walking around hills and stairs all day doesn't feel like a thing.

too bad ima fail my finalz.

all these feelings cloud up my reasoning

2007-03-11T01:24:00.000-08:00

past half week has been interesting. much staying up late and obstructing people's paths in the hallway. including one whole night of sleeping in the hallway while pretending to be homeless (full with sleeping bags, beanies, cardboard sign, and pennycup. um. don't ask why.

nothing much else has happened really. well. there was that pretty chill english class last week...where all we did was watch crash for our upcoming papers.

and while i'm at it, maybe i'll update my "movies watched" list:

moulin rouge - can't remember if i've already written on this one. it's been a while since i've watched it. from what i can recall, i thought it a pretty good movie. though i usually am not very interested in musicals on screen...i somehow agreed to watching it and actually found it not bad. interesting use of contemporary music for its older time period setting. also makes infatuation look really scary o_0. has a depressing ending which balances out some of its cheesy parts.

the science of sleep - finally watched it after half a year of waiting. and must say, enjoyed it very much so. very indie and artsy in a way that my roomies did not really...enjoy as much as me i guess. almost started talking about the cool use of stopmotion animation and the movie's somewhat surreal style before realizing with a blow that they probably don't give a shit about that stuffs. ohwells. at least they thought the main actor was hot. *shrugs*

the prestige - pretty awesome movie. science fiction with a lot of twist. you go into it all like wtf. probably a lame movie about two magicians who just wish they were harry potter characters. though the plotline is totally implausible, the concepts introduced are very interesting. it's a movie that requires a second viewing for the full appreciation of its clever hints and subtle details. plus, nikola tesla makes an appearance as ...pretty much god in the form of a scientist. which is very amusing indeed.

pan's labyrinth - absolutely wonderful film. just a reminder of what american film can never achieve (but partly because i doubt american society would let one of its directors ever get away with making such a film of such violent rawness...esp one involving children). a beautiful film in all its brutal atrocities. its being in spanish further adds to the film's beauty. warning, it is a very sad movie. but it's okay, those are always the best kind :P

not sure if i've forgotten any but whatevs. daylights savings just took away one hour of my lyfe in just one second. so mean. ima go cry myself to sleep now.

left uninspired by the crust of railroad earth

2007-03-08T11:54:00.000-08:00

i am kinda tired now. 2 hours of sleep. brain feels numb. muscles seem confused with what to do with all the left over lactic acid from lion dance last night. feels odd.

also, all double person rooms for housing next year are gone now. our masterplan is now obsolete. since roomie is not so keen about living in a hall, our only choice is to try for a triple and either get randomly assigned some poor freshman or find a third person to room with us. fast.

and even then, the triples in the best plazas (the most social, if they can be called that at all) will probably be gone by the time our enrollment time rolls around. 5 more hours and counting. urgh.

why don't they just. not accept anymore students. or better yet, open up sproul hall.

cool. kick me outta the res halls, make me pay more, and then give me a shitty enrollment time for the next year. awesome.

at least lion dance was pretty damn fun yesterday. started stacking (you can probably figure out what that means). now i know what all those pushups are for...and why they cripple us with frigging bunny hops and duck walks (horrible.). it isn't because they have sick pleasure in watching us suffer (as jon's grin implied). it's because they cares for us. yes. they look deep into our watering eyes and cry with great passion. "we cares for you!"

or no. i think they actually do enjoy our crying.

okay. my body's starting to shake uncontrollably. is this fatigue? i do not know. not sleeping after ld practice may very well be detrimental to one's health. ohwells.

time to edit paperz. yayz LOLZ << jade's fault.

[edit]
so. somehow opened my future roomie's mind to res halls. didn't really matter in the end anyways because we had no choice but to choose a res hall in the midst of our 20 min panicfest. very stressful process indeed. left my roomie's laptop dripping in my hand sweat.

next year: hedrick hall...the dorm i was supposed to be in this year >:0 but! we (luckily...very luckily)managed to snag a double which will be nice. not across the trash chute. near the girls bathroom (for now at least). shower stalls are separate from changing stalls. not bad. hedrick 6north here we come.

sipping cactus brandy from a china spoon

2007-03-04T23:09:00.000-08:00

4 days post-liondancepractice and still having trouble going up and down stairs >:|

this has never happened before. it is quite miserable to have people stare at you because they're not sure if you're really handicapped or if you've recently hurt yourself and are in need of help.

also me dad's in ireland for two weeks to teach some company about software engineering or something and everyone's excited except him. mostly because he's nervous as hell that the irish won't be able to understand his english...and he won't understand theirs. awesome.

housing enrollment makes me laugh cause it's basically a 20 min time slot in which you frantically click around on the screen to find an empty room for you (and anyone else you're rooming with). never knew all rooms have specific designations (e.g. single/double/triple, male/female). also seeing as i am a lowly freshman, i get a sucky enrollment time. makes me so nervous that i've actually drawn out a master plan of possible rooms in descending priority order. hm. kinda sad.

what else exciting has happened in my life.

OHYEAH
I MADE THIS AMAZING REVELATION ABOUT LIMITS DURING MATH CLASS...while zoning out on the actual material being taught in class. i won't go into the details...for your sake.but. it was faeianfldajawesome.

so there's my life for ya.

oh. actually..ucla's "vanpool" service is also pretty cool as i've discovered. it's kinda like a carpool service. but no one cares about anything i just said so i'll just stop now.

was feeling much more inspired to blog earlier today. probably had more useless stuffs to say but ohwells. any further attempts to continue would be futile. probably like how attempting sex while tired and low on libido would feel like.

um. don't ask where the last analogy came from. this is probably a sign for me to stop blogging. now.

my best judgement signed its resignation

2007-02-28T14:56:00.000-08:00

this will be yet another boring post. cheers.

so. the u.s. olympic committee is coming to campus tomorrow to check out the dorms and assess whether or not the summer 2016 olympics should be held in l.a. or chicago and whether or not our dorms are good enough for the athletes and shiz. pretty exciting.

guess that explains the unaccessibility of the whole first floor for the past few days. rawr. >:| my laundry is clearly more important than some famous old people. bah.

secured me tickets for ben gibbard's solo tour (with pedro the lion opening for him yayz!) this spring. and what better location than to have the performance right on campus. may 17th, royce hall baby. i'm there.

...meh. i don't like it very much when my roomies come in the room and turn on the lights when we clearly do not need them. it's a cloudy day today too. just ruined the atmosphere. or maybe i'm just emo.

anyways. midterms part 3284932 results back. did pretty well on chem (meaning okay) despite being short on time. the curve this time was freakishly high (probably cause everyone has figured out the prof by now). math..got the median after i totally skipped the last 20 point problem...meaning i could've done much better if i had actually seen the problem and that i need to study my ass off for the final.

my dilemma over whether or not to continue pursuing the taiko team has been made for me. apparently, lion dance wants to begin teaching me the drumming parts soon and are somewhat expecting me to replace our awesome drummer now (since she's leaving next year and they're running out of time to figure out this problem). this is probably in part because i'm whiny and keep bothering them about drumming.

lion dance also has an interesting relationship with the taiko group (let's just say, they don't have the highest opinion of them (regarding certain aspects). and it's infiltrating my mind too) and do not encourage me to tryout again...in fear that i might leave liondance, and all their efforts to put up with me would have been in vain.

i may, however, decide to try out for the other taiko group on campus, which is a lot more "for fun" based and less strict (on requirements such as appearance and race, as well as, attendance to practices and such). some lion dance people do it has a fun side thing (along with martial arts o_0). plus, i've built myself a sort of life with lion dance, and the group and its people are way too awesome (and the "sport" too fun) to ever leave *reminisces team sports* ...something kyodo taiko could require me to do. always did have to be a part of something.

anyways.

peer editing engcomp essays still makes me immensely frustrated. this time even more so. the prompt: make a proposal to change something about universities. imagine reading papers claiming that using SATs is completely and utterly unfair because they are "harder than material learned in school" and do not assess how competent they are. now imagine that every other sentence you read does not quite make sense because the grammar is falling apart, the argument sounds immature and superficial, and the tone is complainy.

i dunno about you, but it makes me angry.

not saying i don't agree with the opinion that the SAT isn't the best assessor of student qualities. of course it's flawed. nor am i trying to say my writing pwns all cause most of you will know i think my own writing is shit (and it is). but man. it makes you wonder 'bout some things.

and if you're going to make an argument like that...it's useful to first make sure you don't use yourself as an example before guaranteeing your own points about yourself are sound. it just. it's like defeating yourself before others can even get to you. that's sad. rule of thumb: using yourself as an authoritative piece of evidence is usually not a good idea.

then again, i guess it's nice that people even try. and this was a required assignment. but why not try going for...i dunno. serving more jelly beans in the dining halls or something. at least that would be entertaining.

i'm a mean, bitter person. and college makes that worse.

behind the curtain, in the pantomime

2007-02-25T15:15:00.000-08:00

aha back. it's been awhile. since i'm feeling uncreative and my mind is dead, i will list out my life
of the past couple weeks or so.

1. liondance for dance marathon last sat. first time under the head. messed up a bit and had no idea what i was doing but overall, successful. actually managed to "eat" the candy packages on the floor in front of us, tear it open while making "chomping" movements, and make a successful throw at the crowd, producing many surprised "oh!s" much fun and got some asthma like coughing fits after. but it was worth it. (have also finally made my way onto youtube. but i won't say where cause i suck like that :P)

2. liondance for pasadena parade last sun. actually performed on a central stage. at last minute (we never find out our parts until seconds before the performance. talk about impromptu >:|), find out i'm cymbaling for malay...which newbies haven't learned yet. proceed to make up entire part. and learn very fast indeed.

3. after liondance for pasadena, dim sum at LA chinatown's empress pavilion. SO GOOD that it obviously deserves it's own number for my list of events. haven't gone there since maybe end of middle school. proceeded to dominate at eating chicken feet (or "phoenix claws" as justin corrected). SO GOOD. i think i've said that already.

4. chem midterm last wed. no one finished on time. prof is angry at my class cause apparently everyone told later section all the midterm questions, screwing up his curve and making the average unbearably high. this is his retaliation. idiot peers.

5. liondance at usc last wed night. usc apparently doesn't have their own liondance team (suckas), invited us to perform for their pacific asian festival or something. was tail for namsi and gong for malay (this time i've figured out the parts ha.) they were kinda unorganized and things ran late. gave us food tickets and there was a mix of experiences with usc peeps. some were told, wtf are you doing here? some were treated decently. one of us got intentionally elbowed hard in the stomach by a usc-er. mind you, she is a foot shorter than me. i was going to punch someone in the face. ended up not getting food at all. at least they paid for our performance (ha.)

6. math midterm on friday. as time was called, i close the packet promptly. backside faced up, i realize i completely missed a whole question on the very last page. each question is 20 points. my stomach dropped and i froze completely over. after initial shock, my head started swimming and i felt like throwing up and crying at the same time. it was odd. could not concentrate in chem (shiz.), got back and punched a few walls. got really tired all of the sudden and napped. and napped. and kept on napping.

7. liondance at alhambra parade yesterday. in actual parade this time. never knew a parade could feel so long and time so slow (yeah, it's a weird phenomenon). routine: groups cycle from bannerholding to music (cymbals), to lions (lion head and tail switch underneath whenever partner feels tired). was almost overcome by fatigue in legs after second shift under lion and after 5th switch in total. also got my first red envelope from some lady. successful in recieving and shoving it down my shirt (yes, dirty money indeed) in a timely manner. except, after my first bow, realized i was bowing to nobody since the lady had run away. that was sad. made a baby cry too. spent too much time playing with crowd and had to "gallop" almost a 100 meters to catch up with the truck again. trust me, it was hard. also cymballed ten times as loud as anyone else cause half the people were too shy about it >:| by the end, my hearing was muffled like no other. next time, i'm bringing ear plugs dude.

(random note: parade is on the street that the "far away" 99 ranch plaza (some of you know it as "the place") is on. the one that has the TOFUPOT place my family always goes to :D. started at that corner and ran for about a mile down the street. never knew this parade existed :P)

8. dim sum after liondance at alhambra. never knew that dim sum place existed either. not as good as chinatown but hey. got my chicken feet. because i'm really whiny. SO GOOD.

9. liondance this morning to afternoon for harvard-westlake event. apparently location changed from school to some reallyreallyreallyreallyo_0really rich person's "humble" abode(not.) in beverly hills. was tail (someone tried to yank my tail away from me again >:|) for namsi.

10. seeing/being on such rich property gets its own entry as well. seriously. never seen a "house" that large. it consisted of a front yard larger than two uppermiddleclass homes with a longass gate fence thingy. garage for three cars on one side. a row of parking attendants dressed in snazzy suits opened your car doors and parked your cars if you so choosed. enter to back. backyard is huge. contained an individual building in one corner (garage number two) that held 5 cars. three more cars were parked outside. in other (far) corner, there was a huge pool and a frigging poolhouse. pretty snazzy one too.

there was a large stage (enough for four of us lions to fit) and probably 10 mics. perhaps 20 large round tables with umbrellas set up in the field, leading to a hugeass patio with the best catering i have ever had in my entire life. it was basically dim sum + variety of other main dishes including two complete pigs (i say pigs not pork because the heads and legs were fully intact). on other side of field (yes, there is still some field space available), there was a little band set up, a dumpling stand, and a BOBA stand. good boba too. also on the field, closer to the tables was a desert stand which served freshly cut fruit, lichee and peach konnyaku jellos, mochi balls, some ginger stuff with those little squishy balls inside, egg tarts, puddings, ferrero rocher? chocolates, and more o_0.

then to top it all off, the decorations were elaborate. they had trucks of flourists there, setting up the prettiest array of plantlife i'd ever seen (well, for a "small" event at some person's house). many cherry blossom branches, orchids, i don't know the names of anything else i saw there. but man. they were everywhere. lots of asian decorations too, none of that cheap chinatown stuff either. all i could keep thinking was. man, if they gave away all their money until all they had was enough for a good upper middle class life, they could probably make like 10 homeless people very well off too. but then they let us frolick and eat all their food. sadly enough, i was sedated. but. SO GOOD.

man. i've eaten quite a bit for the past couple weeks. yay chinese new year.
also, i aspire to be as good as this kid right here. some day.

if you're really bored, this is crazy, and we are so totally not allowed to do this :(

shiz. lion dance makes me really asian. o_0

cause everyone's saying different things to me

2007-02-13T12:42:00.000-08:00

so. been feeling kinda shitty lately. can't concentrate on work, can't sleep right, don't find any interest in pretty much anything, been exiled from my own room every fucking day from fri to sunday, watched frigging garden state...when i couldn't find i heart hucklebees, and even picked up a brochure (it was situated in front of my face so i just took one for fun okay >:0) about psychological services on campus, but after skimming it decided no, it's too risky. plus it costs money. it's been a sad life.

and then the stupid fire alarm has to go off. again. at 6:30am today. fuck.

unlike last time, being now experienced with fire alarms, i was well aware of what i was doing the whole time...which basically consisted of much profanity and weak attempts to ignore the screeching and go back to sleep.

after a few mintues, decide i don't really want to be expelled or anything, so i get up and take my time slipping on my sweatshirt, putting on shoes, and grabbing my phone, id/room key...and ipod.

that is probably really reflective of what i'd grab in a real life-threatening situation...just in a quicker fashion.

unfortunately, it was much colder than last time. also i was actually in the middle of an interesting dream this time, which i wanted to go back to finishing. eventually was let back in, climbed the stupid stairs back up, slept for an hour or so and woke up even more tired than before.

enrollment for next quarter starts on the 20th. think i'm going to screw over chem just so i can take a seminar that takes place in the film building (melnitz) situated in the farthest area on campus possible. i decided this upon entering the building and being immediately met with 578493 large framed posters of any movie you can possibly think of. walking down the strange warehouse-styled hallway, i spotted a cool yellow sign outside one of the doors labeled "animation reels" and tragically sealed my d00m.

here's a pic i found online of melnitz (it's much dimmer and dingier looking in real life ha.):

it's okay. a bit more suffering in ochem will be worth it, right. and whoknows. i might chicken out and drop the seminar. or perhaps my enrollment time sucks and my whole schedule will be messed up anyways.

also, college keeps making me realize that people are not very nice creatures. students can sometimes be really rude to eachother which ticks the hell outta me. i dunno what it is. is it the competition and cut-throatness. bitterness and stress or the "mind your own fucking business" and "i probably know better than you" mentality. some people need to learn that wow. guess what buddy. you're actually not the only one who matters in this class of 300 people. or the world for that matter.

it always makes me reflect on nelson's comment once upon a time about the op. how people are generally pretty civil to eachother. of course it wasn't entirely true, but i'd say at least our particular class was pretty above average with that.

and so here are the uc's. where yes, there are a lot of dicks out there. and there are even more in the real world. public high school once again. in some ways, even more so than the op ever was. all the superficial judging. the condescending thoughts. the "wow you're a dork"s or "you're too stupid for this class. get out."s or the "you're hot and you're not"s. at least keep these thoughts to yourself or something. making rude comments and hissing sounds doesn't make things any better.

of course i'm generalizing. lots of people aren't like that. or if they are, they're good at hiding it. and yes, it's natural to respond rudely when your space or whatever is encroached upon by a stranger rather than acquaintance...even if accidentally or unintentionally. i mean, why should you care for them if they probably don't care for you? just...try not to be an ass about it.

and so i guess that's what i meant when i always told people that going here is very "normal." it is quite normal by society's standards. nothing special here. just people being people. making friends, forming alliances, working hard, trying to settle into the quarter before the next one starts, competiting for the grades that will make or break their dreams. all bitchiness included.

...and how did i just eat half that box of triscuit in one sitting. dammit.

the birth was quick but the death was slow

2007-02-08T11:33:00.000-08:00

omgz. for a limited time only, you can now get that special someone HANDCUFFS via a valentines gram for only TWO dollars. aww how sweet.

thasright kids. be good now.

so. recently watched "super size me" which actually made me feel gross this time because the guy's expanding stomach resembled mine. a lot.

thus, my roomie and i have come up with some rules over our diets and such. shuddup, we're desperate >:0. this is probably a preliminary outline of some rules we set:

- gym: at least 3-4x a week for at least 30min each visit
- no smoothies (from bruincafe)
- pizza/corndogs/burgers - 2x(any combination) per week MAX
- dining hall frigging desert bar - one visit per week max
- bruincafe sandwiches - must switch default hugeass fat bread to thin-wheat-type-one
- tater tots/fries - once a week max
- fruit - pleez get this instead of chip bags
- pleez eat more salad shit.
- sodas are up to you, betch.
stuff from rendezvous:
breakfast:
-bacon/egg/cheese bagel (triple b) - once a week max
-watch out for tater tots...they are evil and come with every meal
-breakfast burrito - once a week (don't eat them anyways)
- those parfait thingies - ...i purposedly did not bring it up shhh
- other shit - whatevs they're too healthy to make it on the list
lunch/dinner:
-asian meals - may only eat HALF of what is given. mygod.
-mexican meals - tortilla chips - once a week max OR can eat half if only eat half of main course

yuh. as you may have noticed, these rules mainly concern food on "the hill"...so there are obviously a ton of loopholes (eg. walking down to in-n-out or getting jamba juice from ackerman lalala). whatevs the basic ideas are there. plus, if we made it too hard...we'd just give up right? heh heh.

so on tuesday, i went to the gym for the first time evah (on my own accord...and not for another clubtype practicing thingy) with my roomies. we signed up for raquetball raquets but realized after we got them that we had no ball to play with and no money to buy one with. le suck.

also completely forgot how to use all the weight room stuffs even after the rugby peeps had taught me which resulted in my roomies and i looking really stupid admist the crowd of tallsmellysweatyratherbuff men who actually knew what they were doing. so we eventually stopped that.

BUT i did do an eliptical machine thingy for around 50 min and accomplished a bit more than 5.5 miles on it NONSTOP. yeah i dunno either.

random note: if you ever try to convert me, no matter what religion/belief you have...pleaseplease make sure you know what you want to say and how to say it. otherwise you'll look/sound pitiful and i'll find it even more pitiful and feel bad for you and then feel compelled to listen with a sympathetic smile the whole time because you are nice people and mean well...and i just much rather not. also make sure if you're going to fall flat on your face while trying to "save" me, that you're not in the same class as i am in.. that also happens to be the one i was off to in the first place. that just makes it unbearably awkward later.

if you cannot do all that...please just leave me alone. i am not lonely or depressed, and if i was, i probably do not need an invisible friend as my companion, much less my savior. believe it or not, i actually just enjoy sitting outside sometimes and admiring the sky when it is not clear.

sorry that prolly sounded really offensive. no, i don't hate religion or anything. but so many frigging religious groups have been aggressively harrassing me lately that i just get fed up sometimes. why are the most annoyingly pushy people always the best speakers and the nice ones just horribly sad. do it right and maybe i'll convert. or not.

also, after uploading my new cd by styrofoam...yes that's the band's name right there.. and searching for them in my itunes, i've found that the only bands that have songs/cdtitles/collaborations/bandname, etc. containing the word "styrofoam" are deathcab, the postal service, and styrofoam. this is how you can tell which bands are the best. clearly. i mean, it's such a random word to use. so nerdy and cool and geeky and ohsodamnhot.

dorks. <3

fail with consequence, lose with eloquence. and smile

2007-02-03T11:45:00.000-08:00

short hiatus due to midterms. how midterms are situated 1/3rd of the way through the quarter is baffling. destroys the meaning of MIDterm in my opinion but whatevs.

chem midterm was the stupidest thing i've ever taken in my life. it was basically a "have you read my ohsowonderfullyandgloriouslyintelligentbuthorriblyexpensecausenoonebuysit book??" test (sorry got carried away). and no, the book my prof wrote is not a chemistry textbook...but the stupid history of the fugging periodic table. who. cares.

also i've been much more antisocial, and sadly, i realize that i still don't really care. anyways. finally got me packages from bestbuy and am very content at them moment.

well. because my roomie and i have such good work ethics and all...we somehow found time admist all our stress to:
1. extend my desk (omgz so big nowfdkalf)
2. find a v. large crevice behind my closet via underneath my desk
3. take turns exploring said crevice
4. play frisbee in the hallway...destroying everything in our path as well
5. play more frisbee in our room...destroying yet more stuffs
6. go to battle of the bands 6hoursdoodfdafkrlejfndakfe

battle of the bands last wed was pretty awesome i must say...even if the genre of music was not my favorite (of course, since most battle of the bands include primarily alt. punk (tight girl pants, cursing, black allstar shoes and all)...makes for more exciting shows if you know what i mean).

the battling bands were mayday! mayday!, never heard of it, and westview. a heartwell ending also performed but didn't compete. and of course, to actually make people show up, the special guests of the night were sugarcult.

only initially knew of never heard of it and sugarcult so it was interesting. didn't really matter in the end cause there was so much "ear fucking" as neverheardofit deemed it, that my sense of tone went numb. i knew it was a bad idea to forget earplugs.

my roomies and i were right in the front so there was a lot of pushing and shoving. also the bands had this weird obsession with spitting all their water and shaking the sweat from their heads at us. they also loved jumping onto the crowd which made people insane (no, none of them were dropped if that's what you're thinking).

also the guy from never heard of it was totally high cause he kept leaning dangerously far off the stage so much that we'd have to push him back so that he wouldn't fall off. also one time he did stumble off, and i had the pleasure to have his whole sweaty back plastered against me. his butt crack was also very pleasant indeed btw. ew.

one of the biggest disadvantages of being right in front of the stage is that when the band throws their used shit at you (guitar picks, drum sticks), usually it makes it all the way out into the middle of the crowd leaving you hopelessly emptyhanded. for some peeps that stuff isn't as awesome as having the main singer's face literally in yours as he bends over and screams into the mic, sweat dripping straight from the ends of his greasy hair into your open mouth...but every one has their own preferences.

unfortunately, we didn't manage to snatch a drumstickfjdakfld. but i did throw my roomie onto the stage to get a fallen pick from sugarcult. and then right after, i searched the floor and found another really sweet pick that actually said sugarcult on it. also on it was the chinese character for "love" underneath and an engraved autograph of one of the band members on the back.

anyways. it was all good. best part in my opinion wasn't the hour long performance by sugarcult or the free stuff...but the little performances by our own students in between the acts. scattertones (a cappella) was very amusing, and the winner of last year's big talent show, a little band called mikey g and dan from danville, was definitely my favorite. i loved the guy who played the drums...using a box with a hole in it. so many different sounds from a few slabs of wood :D

so after the earfucking my ears were muffled for the rest of the night and the ringing didn't stop until a day later...which killed my soul because i usually take extra precautions to protect my ears... for the love of (ironically,)muzic. seriously. i wouldn't be able to imagine my life without muzic. ever. people who listen to their ipods with the volume on max are crazy. o_0

oh. and don't ever be a fanatic groupe. they're annoying as hell. i swear i was going to turn around and punch that idiot who kept shoving me into the stage if she wailed into my ear just one more time.

also saw being john malkovich and borat yesterday. being john malkovich is a very interestingly bizarre movie that raises many questions about life and how we value it, etc. i recommend it very much so.

borat is a totally different genre. to watch it, you are required not to take yourself or others around you too seriously. and in a way, i do like it for that. it's also awesome that most of the scenes weren't setup (amazing how much some people will reveal to a guy dressed up as an ignorant foreigner) and its fusion of documentary with contemporary movie making. if nothing else, you gotta at least give it a little credit for being so damn offensive to pretty much the whole world through its mockery of all things prejudiced...as well as the extensive improvisation the guy did for the movie. o_0 supposedly it's hurt and used many peeps in the process of its making but. who said life was fair. probably won't ever watch it again though heh.

i wrote this while listening to music. because i suck at multitasking in all contexts of the word, this entry probably sucks like no other. i apologize to your eyes.

...

....

.....

NOT.

you're too afraid, much too afraid. to fall

2007-01-22T16:34:00.000-08:00

i've decided that one of the greatest things about living in california is how it's always first on the list of "c" states. thus every time one of those annoying "choose your state from the list" type things pop up on the computer (ei. shipping info, registering college apps...very annoying), you can just go owhat is this? no prob. i will just click in the box and type "c" on my keyboard and voila! california baby.

um. that was random. i guess i just keep realizing how inconvenient it is when i can't do that (ei. when "the united states" is not the default country on a list).

anyways. what else. ohyes. first lion dance performance was on..er...last thursday night. took place at some banquet thingy which was great for my first performance since half the crowd consisted of old white people who were very easily impressed by all things oriental.

began very satisfied because i got my uniform. which consists of big hobo pants and a really long silk sash which ...i can't believe i'm saying this cause i rarely do...is very pretty and makes me pleased. of course that feeling wore off quite soon as they threw open the backstage doors and i proceeded to tire out in the first 2 min or so.

which was surprising because i'd totally forgotten about the effects of adrenaline (which were pleasantly absent during all those practices before) since high school sportz/music. thus my mouth dried out amazingly fast within the first 30 sec as my parasympathetic nervous system shut down to make way for my instincts to take over.

...ohwow. that sounded really nerdy at the end. whatev. it's the only thing i've ever gotten outta highschool bio.

moving on. yes. with all the excitement and anxiety going on, my frigging heart almost killed me, i was in desperate need of some ingestible liquids, my arms went numb, and my legs shook painfully under the weight that it normally would have been able to hold.

in addition, people have this strange obsession with backsides. of course, being the tail of a more experienced lion dancer, my job was to bounce and look as happy as i could...which only provoked more. shall i say, assgrabbing.

actually it wasn't that simple, there was a range of touching from playful slapping and caressing to full on attempts at grabbing my tail away from me (in which case i would panic at the thought of being revealed and pull my tail back in a very indignant fashion).

but god. put a thin layer of cloth over someone and then slapping a total stranger's ass is totally acceptable. the human mind is amusing.

then there was pushing at my sides cause people tend to forget the lion is actually made up of two people and thus think that if they push me in the side hard enough, the head will get their attention. well. okay, so i hadn't learned how to direct my head person to go where i wanted yet so my fault there. i'm just glad i wasn't the head person cause there were way too many red envelopes thrust into our faces that night. too much yelling and pushing for your attention as well. probably would've panicked and knocked someone out on accident.

don't get me wrong. it's actually a LOT of fun being the tail...even if the most exciting part is having the crowd squeal in excitement at how "cute" you are. actually so they think your ass is cute but. same thing right? (then you can play with people's heads and that's also really funny) plus. you get to relax slightly more than the head >:)

hm. i forgot something. ohyes. also, halfway through the performance i hear a loud, ugly man-scream followed by lots of laughter. a few moments later, i hear the same thing again. damn it was so loud eachtime, that i pretty much jumped back in terror (give me a little credit here, i can't see anything under the lion...besides a bit of my partner's shoes and half my arm). of course eachtime it happened, i didn't jump back enough, thus causing my head to collide with my partner's backside as she backed up in horror as well. lovely.

apparently i find out later that there was this dumbass of a man who thought it was really funny to stick his whole arm into the lion's mouth intentionally to make it look like we were trying to "eat" him...and then pulling his arm out to run away in "horror." and repeat.

and yes. when i say whole arm, i mean it. this guy managed to jut his frigging arm so far into the mouth that he actually hit my partner on the chest...causing her to feel very violated indeed...as well as very winded.

lesson of the day, kiddies: lion dance is a very dangerous sport.

actually no lie. but only when you get to the stuff like stacking stunts and shiz :D
so we went to sawtelle after, ate at curry house, went to boba (while i got a crepe instead, yum.), got back lateish. woke up the next day even more tired than before. barely made it alive through classes, slept whole afternoon, went to taiko class at night, and then HOME FREE.

anyways, all in all, a good start. am excited for future. hopefully my endurance will improve some more. if not then.. ohshiz.

the comfort in your voice is gone

2007-01-17T15:02:00.000-08:00

[edit]
WTF IT WAS HAILING?!!!! yes, believe it or not folks. what i thought was all rain and thunder was indeed much much more o_0. apparently there were little piles of it outside but by the time timmy and i got down there again, this was all that was left:

we win. [/edit]

[editpartII]
family called...apparently the news has reported that it's also snowing in malibu and near el college. w00t! [/editpartII]

IT'S RAINING!!

unfortunately it had to occur on my first day of attempting to longboard(skateboard) from class to class. despite the slippery nature of the ground however, i managed to actually get to chem lecture on time, as well as, sex discussion.

nevermind that i did almost wipe out one person completely in my hurry but. not bad for an amateur's first run. on a hilly, populated (wet)terrain.

...wtf. thunder too? i hear people being scared har har. shuddup. it's socal.

anyways. totally not prepared for not being lazy. first midterm is next week. and i've only been here a week. the definition of "being behind" is not being at least two days in advance. it's...an uncomfortable state to be in to say the least.

cool. it's pouring now. so awesome. and more thunder wheee.

college update: in order to obtain more toilet paper when you run out, you must take your empty toilet paper roll down to the front desk as proof.

k not used to rain come down in such huge droplets in such huge amounts!!! omgz!! i'm so glad my class ended right before this or i'd be skateboarding right onto my face('s mom) now.

anyways. the college's reasoning for this is because apparently, people have started hoarding toilet paper in their rooms. i deduce that this is only because the school has decided to cut down on toilet paper and plastic trash bags and thus are very stingy in their distribution.

also, the cleaning service has not been here since the time school's started again. i'm starting the suspect they will never come. oh. noes.

whatelsewhatelse before workingtimepartXIIIXVZM (no idea what i wrote). oh! i will take this time to show you how incredibly cool my stomp pad (the pad on a snowboard for stepping on) is.

azn digipokemonstertypethingy to the max! ^_^v <33

it practically eats your face with its awesomeness.

el grillo, el grillo è buon cantore

2007-01-09T20:12:00.000-08:00

k. think my final schedule is falling into place. here it is:

so i feel like a douche. which reminds me. why the hell do people call eachother literally "shower"bags...

k that's besides the point. i still have trouble remembering people's names and faces sometimes. and sometimes they say hi and i'm like ohey!(wtfisyournameagainargh)...

then it bothers me for the rest of the day. how stupidly blank my face must've looked. whether or not they could tell i forgot their name. how awkward that felt. did i come off as rude and aloof? and sometimes, just the fundamental question of...where the hell have i seen you before.

then i proceed to run through the babynamebook in my head, sifting through pages of names...trying out letters and sounds seeing which feels right. sometimes i even open the photoalbum of my life while consulting autobiographies under the chapter "the college years: freshman," skimming through events and activities to figure the mystery out.

sometimes it's successful and i feel bad and hope to run into the person again just so i can make it up to them and like say their name 5 times in one sentence.

most of the times however, i hopelessly find that some of the pictures in my head are just plain missing, the ink from that damned chapter of my life is already starting to fade, and the stupid babynamebook bursts into flames.

fyi, i am describing it like this because like many things in my lyfe...visual content such as this actually do flash through my mind while i think about stuff. and if i was a guy, i would so just call everyone "dude" or "man." so much easier.

this is where facebook enters. and most of the times, saves the day. of course only after hours of skillful stalking.

but then again sometimes it creates more problems. like when people friend me and i just can't figure out where they're from. don't recognize the name...can't recall where the meeting took place but the faceeee. it's so familiar. i also dislike that feeling. it's like faceeeebook is mocking me.

walking around outside makes me anxious and nervous. when i recognize a face but just can't get the name down, my hands immediately break out in sweat. i lower my head, looking distracted or as if becoming suddenly very interested in a fugging bush. sometimes i fling over my backpack and bury my face in it as if looking for something i may have forgotten...while evaluating the situation.

then i cut and run. well not literally, rather i skillfully fake forgetting something, screwing my face up in perplexity, suddenly pivot on my heels and make off in a rush, pretending to make for the destination at which my "forgotten object/business" is located. i dodge around some random corner or into a building and voila. success.

now if i don't run, looking at my watch is also a good way of not only an excuse for not seeing someone. it's also useful for looking as if i know where i'm going while in reality i'm debating wtf i should do next.

if i don't choose to run or pretend to be engaged in something...more or less it will end up with an awkward hey how's it going or strange staring and smiling.

i've also decided that my condemnation to becoming a south campus local is already growing evident. after being asked for directions to various buildings twice tonight while walking back from the area and being able to effectively provide help, i've realized that it is not only because i've been here longer but because the destinations requested were pretty central/south campus areas.

i've also learned from comparison between these recent requests and past ones where i effectively failed to provide aid, that my line of knowledge is for the most part, drawn at royce hall. actually, right in front of royce hall (thus royce hall not included).

ask me about halls where venues take place, art studios, literary buildings, history seminar rooms, sculpture gardens are? sorry no go.

but ask me about how to get to that building hidden within that other building? no prob. ask me how the math sciences building works, with its magically shifting floors, twilightzone clock in which hours fly by as if on a stopwatch (no lie), and its "only engineers can understand how to get around in that piece of engineered mess" reputation? surewhynot. what about lakrez that's buried deep inside that maze of construction going on down there? yuh. gimme a sec, i've gone there before.

of course the southcampus buildings are bunched up closer together i feel. most have boring, practical names like "geology" building. the area is not pretty looking, void of nicer spacing and random courtyards of grass and trees. the buildings are, frankly speaking, buttugly. it's straightforward...um besides the really messed up ways the buildings work internally of course.

i'll tell you, it's really amusing yet frustrating at the same time to find yourself facing the "front" of a building with no entrances and only a protruding staircase visible...two stories above you. or to find yourself encircling entire buildings without finding the building you want even when the map claims you're standing right on top of it. and then inside, no matter what turn you take or which door you exit..you find yourself on the same floor at the same starting point. or how about walking down a level hallway on the 5th floor and then 20 ft later, spotting a sign on the wall that miraculously indicates you are indeed 3 floors down now. damn. better climb the stairs back up.

k. lost my thoughts so i'll stop now. and read0rz.

the rusty pipes that are just beneath my feet

2007-01-08T00:15:00.000-08:00

at school again. first day of classes tomorrow and it feels odd. kinda like it's not really happening but is. basically i'm not ready. dammit.

introducing my schedule (most likely):

pretty much, sleeping in is mindblowing.

so coming back has reminded me of the song "leaving new york" by r.e.m. here is what i recalled from the song in specific:

it's easier to leave than to be left behind
leaving was never my proud
leaving new york, never easy
i saw the light fading out

thing is, what i was thinking was how untrue that was for me. leaving others is harder than being left behind. maybe it's cause i'm used to it being the other way around for me. maybe it's cause i've always stayed in one place even until now (college isn't that far off). maybe i'm destined to be the "bottom" of every relationship ever :P

it hurts more. it pulls more. in addition i worry more. at least when others leave me, i have the comfort of knowing that they're probably doing what they want and are happy. their content brings me content.

maybe also a tiny sense of dejection but i've found i prefer that over the pain in knowing i may have caused another pain. alright. not like i'm killing anyone, and i don't expect everyone to worship me and miss my presence the minute i'm gone or anything but you get the picture.

and perhaps leaving hurts more than being left because, in my case, i just haven't really left at all. it's like stepping forward with one foot into a new future, while having the other foot caught in the clutter of the past.

i mean. college. half of it is like i've never left home. i'm so close to home. my family tries to visit as much as possible. i can go home in a jiffy. while this is all very convenient and i should appreciate it much more, there's always a part of me that wishes this wasn't the case.

and this is why leaving is made even more difficult now. i can't just cut and run. i can't just get on a plane and end up where no one at home can reach, impose upon, get to me. i can't turn my back completely and forget about where i came from and start anew. explore freely and recklessly knowing that if i made a mistake(gasp! all on my own), no one would find out. or at least no one would be close enough to help me back up, that i would have to do it myself. it would belong to me. i would learn. and all the while no one watching but me.

being so close to home, college doesn't even feel mine. it's so easy for my family to call and go someone's having a wedding, can you attend? we're picking up relatives at the airport, come. or simply let's go out for dinner, we'll pick you up. no? we'll bring you something then.

this sounds really bad. i don't hate my family, they're great. they bring me good food and genuinely care about me. and it's not that i don't love/appreciate them enough to do family things together or duties and whatnot either.

it's just. there's always that thought of...youknow if i wasn't so closeby like some people, i wouldn't have to do this. i wouldn't be bothered. i'd have more of my own life. entirely separate from my home. a different life. an independent one (i know, hypocritical seeing as i still use their money and shiz but gotta start somewhere). and it's a burden to care. to worry. to consider their feelings and feel like you need to make up for your own absence just because you're able to.

plus more access they have to me too, the stronger their presence, the harder it is to truly do what i want at the same time. harder to break away without worrying about the consequences. yeah i'm repeating myself again.

and the past is the biggest burden of all. and home and family are a part of that. the past can never be erased of course. but it's just nice to forget about it sometimes. pretend it was never there. sure running away will fade the good 'ol days, but along with it goes the things you'd rather not mention as well.

just being able to do that perhaps for even a day or two and then come back down again would be wonderful. you can't do something like that when the past is trailing steadily behind you like thread caught on the bottom of a shoe. after all, i can't get away fast enough in a just car going only 70 mph.

hm. always have this strange feeling when i blog for a long time that i've repeated myself 283943 times over, and that i've drifted from my initial subject. it's probably true.

..and there was a time when a slightly younger me evaluated her own beliefs and thought. damn i'd never wanna impose my own stupid teenage angst upon others. that's just no fun. why that'd be just too mean. i will attempt to blog for the peeps. nothin' but the peeps. none of that emo stuff. i'll keep that private. and yes, i will try to entertain to the best of my abilities while informing of my status from a distance. *nod*

what a load of crap that turned out to be.

just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

2007-01-06T11:45:00.000-08:00

sometimes reading books generates intense feelings of sadness or pain because of the truths they not necessarily reveal but rather bring to light. no wrong phrase. that's the same thing. more like force upon you some things that people usually just don't want to face or acknowledge. yeah. middlesex by jeffrey eugenides does that.

slightly pretentious but loaded with taboo. serious with a touch of humour. SEX but without the ESS-EE-ECKS. basically sexified minus the shame in doing so. raw. open. add a bit of science and history and BAM there it is.

honestly, i'd feel pretty scandalous reading this book without the excuse that it's for a class but um. this is coming from a child who only read jack london wolf fictions and a person who's never touched a romance novel in her life. plus the word "sex" is just as severe as "fuck" in this household (ha. ha. see the correlation).

oh. and sex ed.? hell i thought for the longest time oral sex was kissing. imagine what that was like for me when they scrawled across the overhead STDs can be transmitted orally as well right after i'd just seen a young couple making out just outside of class.

was going to continue my d00m part II but it kinda hurts to acknowledge it and no novel's going to force it into my faceee so why not avoid it.

but ohwells. time to go back to school soon. and i still half don't want to. don't want to face my grades. don't want to sit through class. walk the hill. eat the food. wake up before noon.

i mean. having no work whatsoever for the first time since 3rd grade is rather glorious.

ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaphone!

2007-01-04T00:34:00.000-08:00

as the time to go back to school and face the reality that i did not do so hot my first quarter of el college looms closer and closer, ironically i find myself sometimes feeling more eager to get back there.

but at the same time not.

i find myself getting really comfortable to the old familiarities of home and the people of "my past" if you will. but only that.

over and over i keep re-realizing that in fact, i have not missed my family at all this whole time in college. being home now, i find myself out a lot. i only feel completely at rest when i'm not inside or near my own house. and the hard truth is, i really could live quite comfortably and for quite a while without them. as a matter of fact. i even prefer it.

there's something about how my family works that just tends to drive me insane. or rather just angry, bitter, suppressed, EMO :P. something about its silent rules of let's rather not talk about it, i don't want to hear it, tell me what i want to hear tendencies, its masked everything's okay and happy sugarcoated surface, and the almost undetectable, critical negativity that vibrates so low that you don't even notice it until you're depressed yourself and can't figure out why.

maybe i'm still in my preadolescent stages psychologically or something since i've always been a bit late in the game, but it doesn't really change the fact that it really saddens me to think no matter how much i try to push out these feelings with excuses and whatnot, this is really what i think.

frankly, it really is all a burden to me as much as i am a burden to my family. much of all relationships are anyways. it's just unnerving to notice that recently i find myself laying on my bed fantasizing of my life of the future. in an apartment of my own, working, cooking (or just getting takeout), living entirely on my own where no one can keep track of me and what i do, no longer feeling guilty for the secret desires and perspectives i have in my head. where my life is entirely up to me.

i don't even imagine what would be usually considered a "good" successful life. in these visions, i'd have a tiny run down place with the paint peeling off the walls and the lighting so weak you'd think the power in the whole building would give out any second. my work is low pay and boring and bills are left unpaid. i'm always trucking up the apartment stairs with groceries of cabbage and quart of milk in one hand (dunno why), and chinese takeout slung on my opposite arm, papers hanging out of my mouth as i fumble to find my keys and unlock my door, etc.

but it's all just somehow glorious anyways. just because i'm free to myself.

but reality is, the way that i am, have been brought up to be, given the circumstances and conveniences, etc. i will not be self-sufficient until probably way past due time. no guts, no aspirations, no drive to get me to where i fantasize myself to be.

and such a waste. to live a life where your primary concern is always pleasing others. especially when those others are your parents. when do you figure out how to stop feeling as if you owe the world to them for all they've done for you and that you're no longer required to compromise yourself to satisfy them. cause i obviously haven't grown outta that one.

finding yourself in college and still feeling sick sometimes to the brink of (v. brief bouts of semi-) depression just at the very thought of how disappointed your parents will be at your grades is just ridiculous. it's immature. it's sad. it's...they're just not your grades anymore. afterall isn't college about finding yourself? what you want to do with your life?

it's comical really. in colleges everywhere people are aspiring to save the world, make a difference, actually feeling like they can actually make a difference. some succeed. some fail. and are upset because their own honest effort failed.

and here i am. also a college student. also failing and also upset. but mostly only because of the thought of my parents being upset. scared shitless actually.

who/what the fuck do i live for anyways.

maybe he's been seriously hurt

2007-01-01T15:42:00.000-08:00

happy new year and all. may you all not die and shiz unless you really want that.

so i have these waves. of (intensivelyobsessive)interest.

haven't had one in a while...just little ebbandflows here and there. so of course there was no stopping this time. no worries. in a little while guitar will fade away into the background of my life once again.

but for now,

seeing youtubes splashed across the tv screen as abc broadcasted time mag.'s person of the year during the nyc newyearscountdown reminded me of this little asian kid. who was my idol probably a year ago:

jerry c (aka funtwo)
apparently he's grown o_0

also another dude who plays a very impressive "while my guitar gently weeps" on a ukulele that was also my number 1...part II idol.

and if that still doesn't fit your tastes, a very very cool thing called "air tap" that i've never seen before till recently. though i think you need an acoustic-electric guitar for that.

still wish my hands were bigger. and that my pinky wouldn't snap and lock everytime i press down hard (it feels sorta gross) >:0

creating something beautiful is awesome.

but everyone shows me faces

2006-12-28T18:39:00.000-08:00

le back! snowboarding was amazing. snowboarding while it snowed was even more amazing. snowboarding while 30mph winds blew me over not really. found it all quite fun despite the supposedly below par condition of mammoth this year.

and now i'm brought down once again to the realization that shitshitshit. i did NOT do well my first quarter of el college.

to make it worse. my parents went nuts and practically drowned me in christmas presents this year. yes i count the frigging snowboard and gear crap as well. wtf i'm sure in total it peaked over a thousand bucks.

why. whywhywhywhywhy

nice to meet you, i'm losing my head

2006-12-23T01:33:00.000-08:00

off snowboarding in about 7 more hours. should be excited like crazy but strangely enough am now having a rather bad bout of random feelings of intense loneliness.

small matters. anyhow, be back the 28th peeps.

ohyes. with a continuation of my d00m of the past part II.

enter the medicine handed down

2006-12-19T22:38:00.000-08:00

new band teacher announced:

introducing 11. O'Brien

apparently is a professional clarinet player. seeing as his name is O'something, perhaps of irish decent. hrm. ups his status a bit for me. we'll see how this plays out.

besides that, officially screwed my classes over. feel a bit sick over it. let's not think about it, it makes me wanna curl into a ball and die. instead. i will recount my few days before my d00m just because i meant to and never got to.

i have to say with much remorse that the best i'd done on my finals was probably for american novel. three hours of nonstop writing till the point where my brain melted, and i now have no memory whatsoever of what i wrote at all. only that my hand and ass hurt after the test. a lot.

immediately afterwards began the preparation for math0rz. the final i did worst on. sadly enough, it should've been a review of ap calc only...it wasn't. was doing such a great job staying on top of it till i started panicking the wed night before which culminated with me attempting to go to bed early so my mind could be clear for my death ahead.

said my goodnights at 12:30 or so and climbed into bed. one of my roomies went to sleep soon after but the other unfortunately had a paper due the next day. she borrowed my desk lamp so that we could turn off the main lights except..you must understand that my desk lamp is horribly bright and her effort was in vain.

also don't know why but was horribly sensitive to light and sound that night. perhaps it was cause i was panicking...perhaps it was cause it was stress...but it was the beginning of the longest night of my time at college thus far.

for hours i lay awake, trying to force myself to sleep. the harder i tried, the worse it got. the pitterpattering of my roomie's fingers on her keyboard and the humming of her laptop almost drove me insane. suppressing my urge to cry out in despair only encouraged the restless feeling in me to grow stronger.

after what seemed like ages, my roomie finally decided to stop her paper temporarily and go to sleep. it was around 3am. shit. i thought. 8am final on a horribly shakey subject of mine...which actually requires sleep. i'm fucked. trying not to moan in agony at this thought, i try once again to relax and sleep.

of course it doesn't work. my roomie usually has latelatenight phonecalls with her boyfriend before she goes to sleep in her bed and sometimes all through the night. usually i'm fine with it but this night was just ridiculous for me. every mutter every whisper pushed me closer to the edge of insanity.

eventually the convo ended and i sighed with relief. but then again, it was too late to go back. i was already fated to a horrible night of restlessness. the sounds of my roomie's movements in bed as she tried to sleep now carried themselves to my ears and entered in amplified waves.

even worse, a neighbor who lived right across from us had just walked out of her room, situating herself right outside our door with a troubled phonecall from her boyfriend. never realized how thin the walls were until that night.

i could hear every single fucking thing she said. it was another one of those stupid fights that couples have when distance makes one side scared and the other make decisions without the other's approval and etc. and what's worse, in all her distress, what began as earnest and annoyed whisperings, eventually grew to ridiculously loud angry bursts of frustration. ogod.

unable to keep still anymore from my own frustration, i began to roll around like crazy, no longer caring what my roomies would think or if it disturbed anyone. i plugged my ears, blindfolded myself, squeezed my eyes horribly tight, held my head into the pillow till i had no choice but to come up and gasp for air, did pushups in my bed in an effort to tire myself out, slept with my head where usually are, hung my head off the side of the frame, even attempted to sleep perpendicular to the length of the bed, hanging my head off the bed and having my legs sprawled up against the wall so that if you took a pic of me and turned it on its side, it'd look like i was sitting down on the floor with my hair blown back by a giant fan of some sort.

god how i can still hear the annoying protests and retorts from that night. this guy ben better have had a good reason to strike up such a heated argument with my neighbor. same goes for her.

pissed, disoriented, and starting to feel the bags under my eyes swell, i swung off my bed and stomped to the door to peer out and see what the fuck was going on. i had my mind set to swing open the door and lash out in a most undignified manner but upon seeing my neighbor sitting there against the wall at this point, almost to the point of tears i lost the heart to.

i turned with my back to the wall, knocked my head against it in a moment of despair, and slid down ending up in a pititfully curled position with my head locked between my knees and my hands clenched, punching my head softly. i myself was to the point of tears at this point.

of course this cues my roomie's boyfriend to call again and start up another convo. voices started filling my head from all over. whisperings, songs, mutterings, an occassional yell. repressing the screams inside of me, i only allowed myself to sigh really loudly and began banging my head against the wall as softly as i could in hopes that it would give me a sufficient headache too make me dizzy enough to sleep no matter what.

it didn't work. my head hurt but only for a few seconds. impatient, stressed beyond belief, wanting to but unable to cry, i did as many pushups as i could before collapsing and just laying in the middle of the filthy floor of our little hallway fantasizing the thought of just sleeping there for the night.

but after thinking it over, i thought it would disturb my other roomie when she woke in the morning and make her concerned which i was not very keen on. by this time, my roomie's convo was over and my neighbor's had just ended with a loud ben, why the fuck are you going to hang up on me all of the sudden. and a sniffle.

i won't lie. i was hoping the guy would be true to his word right when i heard those words. bitter and angry yet resigned and defeated, i decided to climb into bed fight out the rest of the night there. ironically, it was just at the thought of fine. i don't fucking care anymore. in fact, i'll just watch the sunrise and fail my test. that i finally lost consciousness at 5-something am.

woke up feeling as if i didn't sleep at all, took my test, was shocked to find it was nothing like any form of calc i had ever done in my life. nothing you'd ever see on any normal ap exam.

after flipping to the first problem, finding it rather difficult i went it's okay, next one. i'll come back. flipping to the next problem i see the first part and am like there you go see? easy. only to come across another obstacle on the next part. okay. fliptime.

eventually i found myself flipping page after page until there were no more pages to flip and come back to. fuck, i thought. fuckfuckfuck. laughing an omgkillmenow laugh softly and causing the person next to me to steal a disturbed glance at me, i flipped randomly to a page and started cranking out the most elaborate crap i had ever done so for the field of mathematics.

of course elaborate crap doesn't work for math no matter how impressive it looks. and i was d00med no matter how much my pencil touched the surface of that damned exam. whatever the hell i did, it was absolutely not calculus. as time ran out, my exam got increasingly crowded with grey scribbles. half of each page was also filled with starts with no ends, random calculations, and halfway-solved problems that hit a dead end and that had no choice but to be painfully crossed out entirely.

time's up, test is turned in and never seen again. people are giggling together at how impossible it was. a few with smug looks are like it was actually okay. and others who expected to fail anyways were just plain happy to be done.

stepping out into the bright sunshine which blinded me and the chilly wind that cut under my skin, i felt nothing else but utter shock. as i walked numbly down the walk back to the center of campus, everything went in slow motion. it was pretty trippy. but not.

this recollection of such d00m is taking too much emotional output from me. will continue later.

hide your bad habits underneath the patio

2006-12-16T10:18:00.000-08:00

finalz finally over and i think i'm almost recovered from its nonstopgiggling aftereffects. american nov killed my hand, math..um., and i shoulda pwned sex more than it pwned me. not bad for a first round of college finals. heh.

shiz. i just got kinda hungry. will eat and finish post later.

...oops. k. it's like 11pm now. i got distracted. and then was convinced to go to tennis team banquet which was awesome cause i was introduced as "coolest senior on the team last year"(...except there were only two so um. didn't really count) to the confused freshman. also sasha was poopy and wasn't there cause of soccer. as usual.

then went to find bindings for my board. which was hard cause ride apparently makes their shoe wider than burton's and after all this other shiz, ended up getting shoes and bindings. ogod. going all burton now with full on jacket(for an amazingly good price btw, thanks skiexpo'06), board, bindings and shoes. it's gonna be sweet beyond words...if only it'd start snowing a bit more in o'mammoth >:0

monterey park for some glorious asian food. and now back. chillin to the postal service on my (omghowissoundqualitythisgoodpossible)stereo. but only after attempting to skateboard outside...failing to the wet and cold after 5 min.

pretty sure my mom is stalking death cab for cutie and researching like hell on skateboards and freebords after finding out those two interests of mine. it's kinda amusing.

also stole my roomie's snare sticks and pad. another addition to the taiko sticks i stole from another person and jeanine's guitar. room looks awesomely cluttered. been carrying around the sticks and pad wherever i go these days...even on family excursions, drumming everything in sight cause...when someone puts two sticks in your hand, it's the only natural thing to do.

i think my parents' heads are about to blow from the persistent thuds. actually to think about it. i think my sis also wants really badly to grab the sticks from my hands and wack me over the head with them everytime i start up. hrm. perhaps a sign to be more considerate and stop?

NAH.

anyways. if only they'd let me play percussion for band 7 yrs ago...they probably wouldn't have to suffer so much now. totally justified. totally. XD

also convinced that i can only take my family in small doses. which is why i'm noticeably "happier"and act strangely silly to them now. won't lie. did feel a sense of freedom i'd never felt before in college that also had noticeable upbeat sideeffects on my person that even i could tell. give it a couple more weeks and i'll most likely reverse back into the mopey unpleasant self of the past. or at least that's my hypothesis. shall see how it goes. except it could also not work cause i'll always have the thought that my college refuge is only a short while away.

hm. that last thought was kinda sad. and mean. can't really help the way i feel though. =/

now for chillin part continued.

and all he gave was a daughter

2006-12-13T16:38:00.000-08:00

10. PAVIA

bwahaha halfway there to keeping the tradition alive. keep on truckin' (pre-lsjumb)band. you make us proud.

also, most of you already know but in addition to finals, the school decides to also throw our rooming contracts for next school year in our face at the same time...despite the fact that most of us are still dazed and getting situated to this year's fugging rooming.

and then something pleasant like mass identity theft happens and they send out some email that's very akin to this:

DEAR FRIEND, (i almost thought the email was fake cause they called me "friend" wtf.)

someone really really good at hacking into computer systems got into the main system here and they now probably have all your files including your friends', familys', acquiantances', distant relatives', one night stands', pets', and all their mothers' as well. i'm sorry to inform you that you, and probably everyone you know or ever knew, are screwedededed like no other and perhaps you, and the rest of the world in fact, should put your whole life on hold. here's some shit that will help you to do so even though you're probably a wee little student and meddling with these kind of banking matters and such is not the first thing you want bothering your mind right now.

nevermind that it's finals week or anything. or that you were already very stressed out and probably something like this happening could make your brain explode. oh. and goodluck with finding roomies and filling out those apps(and give us money). the deadline is coming up soon. please get your ass going.

p.s. oh, and btw, it's probably not our fault because this was a person who's really really really really really(x100) good at hacking into computers (have we mentioned that already?).
k bye.

your friend, (did i mention that i was your friend already? well, please remember that i am)
(friend)norman abrams.
(friendly)acting chancellor
(but please, call me normy...after all i am your friend)(don't hurt me pleez)

so that's why they mysteriously disallowed using social sec and pin numbers for logging in a few weeks ago. sweet0rz.

since i'm already screwdeded in all aspects of my life. forget the fact that i have a final tomorrow morning. here's the survey ima steal from vic =D

1) Was 2006 a good year for you?
um. like all things in life for me...don't really remember.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
i think it will be coming up pretty soon :)

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
hall. if that was last year. herby? people departing?

4) Where were you when 2006 began?
megan's house going...*sings* "and i don't feel any different"

5) Who were you with?
friendlies. when am i ever not. XD

6) Where will you be when 2006 ends?
PARTYING DUH. stalking friends mebbe. or perhaps...*sings* "so this is the new year" you can finish that one.

7) Who will you be with when 2006 ends?
most likely friendlies again. shiz i should stop this stalking thing. perhaps it creeps people out. NAH

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2006?
PSHAAHAHA what resolutions?

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2007?
um. not die? that would be cool.

10) Did you fall in love in 2006?
shuddup i'm asexual okay?

11) If yes, with who?
YOU you goddamn muthaf-

12) If yes, do they know?
i dunno. DO you?

14) Did you have fun in 2006?
sure why not. my life's a party like that.

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2006?
probably like 50 times cause youknow. i'm just that hot.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2006?
i guess that's something that just happens when you go to college.

17) Who are your favorite new friends?
shiz. um. marissa, the roomies, timmy, taylor. um. shiz haha no guarantee we'll keep in contact after we're forced apart again. optimistic is my middle name, bitches.

18) What was your favorite month of 2006?
wtf. what a hard question. i usually like december i guess.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2006?
japan and taiwan baby. [edit] wow. so totally forgot about europe. um. that seemed like ages ago already. told you i forget things easily. stfu. i was not drunk when i wrote this. >:0

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2006?
um. probably like. none. whore.

21) Did you lose anyone close to you in 2006?
NOGODDAMMITLEAVEMEALONEYOUJUSTWANNAPICKONME TOMAKEYOURSELFFEELBETTER. actually not really, loser.

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
um. mebbe. did i mention that i h8 you?

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2006?
babel's good. half nelson in another sense too. um. pick one. probably the only one's i saw.

24) What was your favorite song from 2006?
from? what's that mean. like that came out? psh none. discovered "title track" by death cab though.

25) What was your favorite record from 2006?
i have a feeling i'll be aquiring quite a few soon.

26) How many concerts did you see in 2006?:
you. are such a bully. JEANINE AND PAUL BETTER SHUDDUP.

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2006?
just to let you know, i'm giving you the death glare right now.

28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2006?
UM. in what context...o_0

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2006?
alcohol. is a drug my friend. THANK YOU ALCOHOLEDUMYLOVER.

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2006?
ohlots. you know. i'm just a pimpasswhore like that. wtf did i just say.

31) Did you lose anything important this year?
probably some brain cells har har har. *rolls eyes*

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2006?
was never particularily good at distinguishing lies from truths.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2006?
probably so. i'm not a very good person really.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2006?
also probably so. life's just a cycle of bitterness. bwahaha

36) How much money did you spend in 2006?
lots. fooding and stuff. then college. i'm pretty damn expensive. shiz.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2006?
yoyo semiotics in herby sadly enough. didn't totally screw up a (mini)presentation for the first time in years. and people LAUGHED. such glory. whether it was at me or not doesn't matter XD

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?
hall. if that was this year. it all blurs together. actually no. it wasn't cause i was juggling tennis at the same time. thasright. had a game that day. hrm. whatev. it's all i remember. i'm a very bitter person. go die in a hole you scumbag. wish you became a politician that everyone disliked instead and then got assassinated. wow. so much hate down in here. could probably kill babies just with the mere thought of how much hate's in here.

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
my fugging diet dude.

40) What are your plans for 2007?
not fail outta school would be rather nice i feel. to do better than not fail would be even nicer.

[edit]

~~10. PAVIA~~

i salute the band.

the proof that love's not only blind but deaf

2006-12-10T09:43:00.000-08:00

fuggernuts! why won't i work.
deadweek continues with more chilling and less studying.

last night. my floormate sent me this (read it closely):

yes. someone was apparently estatic about hedrick(where i live) dining hall being open for the weekend. basically...cause we're at the top of the hill, no one comes up here and it is never open. the fact that they were so excited that they forgot to post what they were serving amuses me even more.

since my floormate was tempted by de neve's serving restaurant food and we were both so amused by hedrick's being open AND my floormate had like 28394 meal swipes to get rid of...we decided to dining hall hop. ohgod.

it was also starting to drizzle XD

so we eat a plate at each destination, working our way from the bottom at de neve and finishing up top at hedrick. was much satisfied with the seafood thingy from the restaurant at de neve and the udon at hedrick. so full. so full.

upon getting back roomie, "V", was all like "A" got some alcohol from a friend of hers. she says we can have some. this is hilarious i think because ironically, all 3 of us initially applied stating that we were "abstainers" and wanted to be roomed with abstainers. and here we are fascinated by the stuff.

basically it was quite a few bottles of ale and some greenapple vodka. "V" asks "A" over the phone if we can have some and a deal is struck up. if we left the room for an hour to her and her boyfriend to have some alone time, we'd be allowed to take a shot of vodka and two bottles of ale along with us. we agree because we're excited despite well knowing we'd have nowhere to go. "V" takes the electric guitar, i take her drum sticks and pad.

"A" gets back with her boyfriend and we each try the vodka. then i pack the goods in my backpack and "V" and i are off. we wander into a couple of the halls in hopes of finding a music room open but alas. no luck. we run outta ideas and wander to the back of our dorm...into sunset rec (basically an area with lots of recreation swimming pools, tennis courts, open fields, etc).

it starts raining a bit more so we run and end up seeking shelter in the parking lot. we set our stuff down and proceed to look like sad poor students. as it is public area...and a police dude was patrolling the area, we decide not to bust out the ales.

it starts pouring. and though i am quite happy about it. i realize we are a little ways off from our dorm...and due to the architecture of the building, realized that rain was trickling all over my backside, a bit of the guitar and drum pad, and backpack. we seek shelter for a bit more and decide it's time to brave the rain somehow and get our asses back to the dorms.

we realize there was the problem of the guitar and are like oshiz. "V" ended up taking off her jacket and covering the body of the thing as it was slung around her body. then we stuck the neck of the guitar into my sweatshirt pocket....and ran.

both with cheap slippers on, looking ridiculous, giggling like mad, and joined at our midsection running through the pouring rain in the middle of nowhere, there were quite a few times where we almost went down hard into the drenched pavement. luckily, i'm also quite a ways larger than "V"...and the guitar, in size and weight and usually managed to stay upright even when "V" had no choice but to grab onto me as she slipped backwards.

we made it back eventually. passing peeps inside laughed at our strange sight and others gave us surprised looks like wtf it's that wet outside?? once back in the room again, "A" felt bad at our sad states and offered more vodka. hilarious.

we have another shot together and the couple leaves for a club. "V" and i chill...i'm all OMG studyyyy but only succeed in drinking the ale i obviously earned from the night...and feeling really hot in the back of my neck. damn asian glow.

decided that i wasn't quite tipsy since i walked straight and talked and thought normally. but upon going to the bathroom discovered my entire body was red and that i was slightly more sensitive to light and sound. perhaps that's what people call buzzed. it was trippy and obviously i need to post about it.

during this whole time it's still pouring rain and you can hear people celebrating outside and going insane. it's rather hilarious.

nyways, got sleepy as i usually do no matter how much alcohol i have and decided to "study"...in my bed. knew perfectly well i'd fall asleep...which i did, with 6 books and a printout sprawled all over me. woke up shortly after "V" was kind enough to close my bedlight for me(oops) and the room light as well...which left me confused as to wtf happened.

well, i got up, did a bit of hygiene stuffs and climbed back into bed. the couple returns and i lose consciousness. but only to regain it an hour later to discover they weren't asleep yet. the whispering and serious conversation...as well as my body's frigging burning temperature keeps me up for another hour. worst night of sleep ever. i almost decided to sleep sprawled out on the floor...in the hallway, and wished nudity wasn't taboo.

somehow konked out again and woke today quite comfortably and ready for a good shower.

so here i am. all clean and ready for a fjdaklfewgreatlastdayofstudyingbefored00mjdkalf. but before that...i realize it's already 10:30 and TIME FOR F00D. k bye.

the least they ever gave you, was the most you ever knew

2006-12-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

it's only been a few days and despite it being dead week...i've probably had some of the most chill days in college. nevermind the part about me being screweded later.

so tues/wed? night/morning..as some may have found from my bitching on facebook, the fugging fire alarm went off throughout the entire dorm at the unearthly hour of 4:30am. and ironically on the one night i decide to sleep earlier at 1. it's all a bit sketchy in my mind but i remember only initially half waking to the siren's wailing.

i don't make much sense when i'm groggy and such so after realizing the sound wasn't coming from a dream and wasn't going to stop any time soon, i...literally plugged my ears with my fingers, closed my eyes, and attempted to go back to sleep. amazing thing was, the sound became pretty soothing to my ears and almost lulled me back to sleep.

but only to be aroused again by some weak voice in the back of my head that feebly asked. hey. isn't that a fire alarm...and don't they usually mean there's a fire. but maybe it's just an asshole prank. bitches.

after some halfconscious deliberation...i concluded that fuggit. it was probably a drunk asshole. and if not...hell didn't seem like such a bad tradeoff for a glorious night of continued sleep at the moment. and money? well if i really did die, the school can't charge me a buck anyways. i let out a content sigh and relax again.

but only to be aroused this time by my roomies. in a blur, i grab the closest sweater nearby and start toward the door. only to be pulled back by a roomie who yelled to me over the siren put on some shoes!! confused and dumb, i slowly nod my head, grunt, and start again towards the door without registering the words.

a hand grabs my arm, swings me around, and just as parents would to a stubborn child, my roomie repeats again slowly and sternly to my unresponsive brain, NO!! put. on. some. shoes!!!

after clumsily making my way through the halls and down the stairs, my eyes focus a bit and i look down at myself closely for the first time. my current pjs consist of the gloriously(shiny) golden yellow basketball shorts i got from a school sale and light blue track shirt. in all my hotness i just happened to grab my bright yellow ucla sweatshirt. the one that my parents think is fugly and should be burned. i soon realized, with much horror, that i looked like a fugging bright yellow jelly bean with ucla inscribed all over.

in an attempt to look less jellybeanish, i tried to throw a bit of color in by pulling down my inside shirt...only the realize that to do so was only to accentuate my uclaness due to the light blue nature of my frigging shirt. yuh. i looked more spirited than the spirit squad that morning.

i eventually come to peace with this but mostly because i became too distracted by the cold. after huddling for an hour, they finally let us back in. we plop back into our beds and are out.

apparently, unlike last year in which this happened, it was not due to a dead week prank but actually to built up lint in the laundry dryers that started smoking. figures.

******
more secret santa events. my floor secret santa gave me a shot glass. cause obviously he thinks i'm going to be a drunkard(psha). my secret santa gift (the magnetic thingy mr nelson has in his room) was a success much to my satisfaction. pretty much..everyone was jealous of my person mwahah.

my nsu santa got me death cab for cutie's "we've got the facts and we're voting yes" and a poster from a nickelodeon cartoon(which i might be able to fit on my wall..sideways). after the nsu dinner we also got little bags of goodies too...candy, clocks, homemade ornaments and picture frames, the works. yay.

people have been treating me to pizza and buffalo wings like crazy alldayeveryday in efforts to get rid of their meal swipes by the end of the quarter. begging for permission to treat others to meals are also common these days. this happens so much so that i have had no chance to use up my basic 11 meals for this week as well. dammit.

*****
last latenight was probably one of the chillest times here so far. went with a friend to "study" in canyon point lounge (where i swear, all the christian koreans live). basically we fooled around on aim and ate pizza. got back to the dorm and found one of my roomies, V, trying to pick the guitar. she asks me if i'm busy and if i could teach her a bit. tempted by the thought of playing the guitar instead of working, i consent. and it turns out to be a blast.

was also talking to a floormate on aim who was like OMG SO BORED DONT WANNA WORK, so i invite her too and it's a party. all it took was an electric guitar, acoustic guitar, ultimate-guitar.com, itunes and 3 excited girls to forget all about quiet hours. my other roomie, A, joins in here and there.

as 1am hit, we somehow eye my taiko sticks and transition to the subject of drumming. V, who was a drummer(tenor) in her marching band and should technically be in the band now (still don't understand her final decision), takes out her snare sticks, stuff happens, and in a jiffy my dream of finally learning to drum was finally happening.

she teaches me how to drum marching band form, how to properly roll, and then some songs from her thick binder of ucla band music from summer tryouts. our floormate leaves sometime in the middle. we get really into it and literally drum for more than an hour nonstop on the floor, her using my taiko sticks, me using her snare sticks. it felt so damn good just holding these instruments in our hands and feeling the band vibe of our pasts. we reminisce about band while we play: the funny times, the geeks (shiz it is agreed band geeks are the best), the frustrations, and general musical stuff.

all of the sudden at around 2am, a really loud knocking occurs at our door. V and i instantly freeze with looks like 0_0 oshiz on our faces and frantically shove the sticks under her bed. she runs to the door to look through the doorhole, runs back giggling in panic, hides in her bed and is like OMG. A REALLY PISSED OFF GUY IS OUT THERE!! i instantly run and hide in my cave of a desk. both of us scared shitless, all we can do is giggle and make A answer the door(poorthing).

at first A was all wtf why me but finally gives in. from my desk i hear this booming voice as she opens the door. WHO'S MAKING NOISE IN THERE.

poor roomie: (lost and confused) heh heh ummm.
guy: ARE YOU DRUMMING IN THERE >:000
roomie: well...(looks back)..giggles nervously
us: *frantically giggles profusely*
roomie: well I'M not *tries to hold in laughter*
guy: (ticked off even more) *some pissed off yeah no kidding noise* IS ANYONE DRUMMING IN THERE
roomie: (basically...meep!)

so my roomie mutters some kind of apology, it's over, and we thank her repeatedly for taking the heat. apparently it was some big muscular white dude, from the room below us, who stood the whole time with his hands crossed and feet shoulder length apart with this really pissed off look on his face...and his little asian roomie who stood in back, mimicking his stance.

we basically giggled like crazy the whole rest of the night. i could barely shower cause i was so ticklish from embarrassment. after, we all got into bed and somehow got into talking about personal stuff till like 3am...kinda like how middle schoolers at sleepovers do. i guess i don't reveal much about myself or something cause V later said for the second time since school started, with a satisfied sigh, you're really interesting.

and for the second time it caught me off guard again. not knowing what to say in response again...i probably sounded really awkward and dumb with my wtflaugh and a lame no i'm not! comeback. anyways. it was a night of some roomie bonding (as V dubbed it), which...to think about it, we've never had before.

and it's true i guess. people still ask me from time to time how my roomies are. and i always just reply they're nice. cause they are. but i've never had much to say about them. either cause i...was in the same room as them at the time of the phonecall. or cause i've distanced myself a bit and didn't feel justified to say much about it(which i still don't really). but whatev. there's a glimpse of one of our rare moments of more involved interaction.

so...so far these are some conclusions made about me (and for some reason most of the conclusions were about me that night):
1. i take very quick showers (and don't use many...girl products)...yay hygiene? heh heh
2. (from past actually...randomly as i got out of shower and found the two staring at me) they "hate" me because i have straight shiny hair...that's low maintenance even after short showers.
3. i am the way i am as a rejection to what my parents wanted (V likes to psychoanalyze peeps or something).. isn't everyone?
4. i'm a late bloomer (this whole not having a crush thing ever is probably what people usually find most fascinating le sigh)
5. i don't talk much. (but break through and you'll wish you never did)
6. i study a lot (wtf?)
7. i nap a lot and don't sleep much (hilarious)
8. i sleep "like a dead person." awesome.

there. that's mostly what i'd say to you if i was to inform you extendedly about my current life. goodjob for getting through it all. so hard. so tired now. guess i can't study afterall :P

but um...yeah. band is awesome.

[edit]
also almost forgot. roomie (A) also discovered the shoe youtube. we all watched it communally the other day. it made my day.

stay all night, we'll save the population

2006-12-04T00:34:00.000-08:00

so much chaos this past weekend i get tired just thinking about trying to remember it all.

sooo...of course there was the game against usc. which was quite amazing since we actually won. lots of insanity, hate cussing, sweat, obscene gestures, crowding, screaming, noise in general, mockery, etc. i probably almost died just trying to get in. you know how it is when people get roudy. and then the whole entire stadium and mile radius around it reeked of alcohol.

the place was utterly packed. and i thought the other games were crowded. gives you a headache just seeing it. some peeps and i were late cause we were smart and decided to eat lunch first. managed to catch the last bus and discovered that old people that probably don't even go to the school also take the bus too.

as we got closer to the stadium, people started singing and going crazy and yelling out windows and stuffs, probably upsetting the old peeps and encouraging inappropriate responses from the people being yelled at. sad thing is. it's kinda hard being a usc fan when...there aren't any really good jokes to yell back. but it's funny to watch 18 yr old freshman banter with 40 yr old men.

by the time we'd gotten off the bus, the crowd was absolutely ridiculous. by the time we got to the student gate, it was dangerous. it was hot and sweaty and after the fighter jets flew over the stadium and the game officially began, people started getting very angry. so they started pushing. i was almost mauled over. also got beer all over my left foot ew. people got smushed into gates, some yelled in pain but no one heard or cared. all i could think about was never to come to another la/sc game again. or at least come very, very early.

we ended up in the standing student section where there was a drunk man in front of me, a drunk man (also half nekkid with a blue exclamation mark on his chest) behind me, and one of my drunk floormates....continuously running back and forth on our row...hugging, punching, and high-fiving all of us every 5 sec or so. the drunk man in front eventually started vomitting and finally collapsed unconscious on the bench while the drunk man behind kept losing his balance and needing to grab my shoulders for support.

our team gets off to a good start and people are w00t. they kinda keep winning by a thread.. tensions go up. by halftime it's pretty wild. it's so noisy that the collective cheers are drowned out by the battling bands which are drowned out by the random yelling and screaming which are drowned out by the collective cheers...into a big muddled mass of blurgh.

we win, stadium booms with excitement, and everyone rushes down in the direction of the field despite the notice on the big screen before "spectators are reminded they are not allowed on the field." i myself am forced into a row or two ahead. people in the front are peppersprayed and tear gassed and could be found later in the bathrooms screaming in pain. a few fans make it onto the field esp. this one dude who had four guards chasing after him until finally one guard literally jump tackled the guy outta nowhere from the right at full speed. the crowd gasped and cheered for the dude. all the while the band played and danced in joy.

i'm also pretty sure some peeps cried with joy. and some sc peeps um. well for opposite reasons. most just looked paralyzed in disbelief. afterall...it's pretty much the one thing they count on every year. it was kinda enjoyable really. (i learn later that also caught on tv was a sc cheerleader cheering for one of our field goals on accident while her mates stood around like wtf? hilarious)

finally on the bus, it became deathly quiet cause everyone literally konked out in exhaustion...and in preparation for afterparty celebrations.

yuh. stuff happens, ambulances and police everywhere, westwood is overcrowded apparently, RAs are on duty all night, parties galore. however my floor takes it pretty tame and we have some fun just eating dinner and then having taylor k(actually sarah's bro...the one i did track with and who TAed for my math class..and i never knew was related to sarah till i met him again here) order us all pizza, soda, and buffalo wings with his excess meal swipes (the guy seriously doesn't eat). i also made him get me my own personal order of buffalo wings. shiz i ate a lot.

law&order, southpark, taboo, brainsmorgorieorsomething, chilling, etc. during my first turn up for taboo, i'm nervous as heck. time starts, i frantically turn the card and hold my breath. i literally gasped in joy. the word was "dry ice"

i excitedly go omgomgokayguysokay! it SUBLIMATES!!! =DDDD with my hands out in this wild gesture and my face all lit up in utter happiness. i mean. so easy right?

the expecting faces of my team suddenly drop into confused frowns and everyone goes in unison wtf does that mean?! my heart was broken. how could no one understand me. isn't this like...common sense? in disbelief, i had no choice but to hang my head and move on. perhaps this is something only obvious to opchemnelson conditioned peeps. or just plain geeks. le sigh.

ohwell. but anyways. after the festivities, a couple guys and i decide to randomly do laundry at 2...and then hang out in the suites at the end of the hall. there's more chilling and talking and a bit of drinking.

upon finishing laundry at around 4am, some dude who just came back from the apartments told us about the couch bonfire out on the street. apparently the fire got so big that the heat cracked the window of a nearby car. police arrived, there was a riot. um more chaos. there were also littler uscshirt burning ceremonies everywhere too.

anyways. at that point i'm just really warm and sleepy and quite ready to sleep so after tiptoeing around roomie's passedout visitors...almost stepping on one of the guy's head in the dark, i groggily climb into bed and passout myself.

that night i also learned that watermelon vodka tastes much better than the normal stuff. and that when you burp afterwards, you taste watermelon candy in your mouth. it's pretty trippy.

today(or tech yesterday), i woke up at noon feeling even more tired than the day before, and found around 10 missed calls on my phone and quite a few voice mails and was all shiz. goodgoing me.

tonight was also a lion dance social at an apartment which was yummy and fun. had a white elephant gift exchange. i was number 24 out of 24 peeps so i got the luxury (and curse?) of picking last. i decided to steal a present...my eye being on the book of interpreting dreams, small hockey game set, mindboggler game set, and...a little book of kama sutra. >:)

of course you can predict what i stole in the end (grin).

it was a good choice i feel. people now probably think me a pervert but. curiosity wins. actually, the person i stole it from probably wanted it more than i did and tried to convince me and everyone else that i was too young for it PSHA.

watched lion dance videos and played taboo too (yay taboo). it was good. absolutely no work whatsoever in ages. tired but relatively satisfied. still can't wait for winterbreak though.

dead week ahead w00t. free coffee anyone?

so kiss me goodbye

2006-12-02T02:14:00.000-08:00

all-nighter semi-successful. stayed awake with no prob. of course, as 7:40am hit, i almost rushed off to math class without printing out my hw...and then i arrived just a bit late. in fact, right after the prof arrived (i know this because i...walked in right behind him).

after turning in the pset, i rushed outta class back up the fugging hill to finish my sad excuse of an essay. finished it a little early (most likely, i gave up). and decided to take a 30 min nap. with alarm clock in hand, i climb into bed and lose consciousness in a jiffy.

of course, my brain...already preconditioned to the amazing skill of erasing any memory of waking and turning off alarms whatsoever thanks to high school...left me finally waking up later with the realization that shiz ima be late to section. yuh. looking down at my watch, i realize i only have fifteen FIFTEEN fugging min to get to class. that's basically v. hard in ucla terms. or maybe i'm just slow.

i am literally 20 sec or so late to section...there's some stupid rule about papers being late right after section starts but um. i will throw a bitch if my paper loses a grade from that. anyways. look how well i handle college. i'm so afraid for next quarter.

just finished 2nd enrollement and thus enrollement as a whole. got a really late time rawrgh so now i will most likely have a new ta for sex class. hurts me something inside >:| ohwell. basically, i had no choice but to pack FOUR classes into my schedule. 2 of them being math and chem, classes with more time commitment. urgh. chem. ima die. tentative schedule:

actually. site maintenance. ima too tired to care. mebbe update later.

yesterday was the big parade/sc bonfire thingy. after watching our reshall/plaza's pitifully unsupported float followed almost immediately by the mass of hedrick hall residents (our beloved neighbor)and their fugging float, my floor basically sprinted down the hill to join in. feeling slightly stupid for being so spirited over nothing, i decided it was not bad since i got to go crazy and people didn't call me weird for doing so for once.

also was prolly on tv as well as the big screen they had set up at the bonfire quad. i still get embarrassed when people excitedly point out how they saw me in the parade. guess i was pretty insane though. i got so bored waiting for the parade to end that i totally flipped out and pummeled a friend with blow up air stick thingies in this really spastic way.

apparently a passing roughly 40 yr old woman was so appalled behind me that she gasped, held her hands to her mouth, and mouthed the words "oh my god!" guess her kids won't be attending ucla. or perhaps she was an alumni.

so then we had some random little band play...who no one listened to, some performances of dance and singing that no one cared about, and some awards handed out which started to anger people. afterall, we were there to see the frigging bonfire right

finally they're like w00t bonfire here we go! but nothing really happens besides lots of noise and screaming. people get roudy and start throwing their glow stick into the pit. after maybe 10 min of nothingness, red lights begin to illuminate the center and flickers of white light start. but that's it.

for the next 20 min. people are like wtf is going on and peeps start chanting "bullshit" and crap like that and then i make some comment like "haha look guys that's our bonfire. see the red is the fire and the flickering is the flames."

sad thing is. i was actually right.

something about windy conditions being dangerous. anyways. people are pissed, there is lots of cussing, lots of destroying banners and trashcans and such, a random dude who started minibonfires in the steet (it was actually kinda cool), and some other pissed peeps making their feelings public literally on some nearby trees.

i just wished i had followed my guts, put on a red shirt, and went to usc for the fray in concert. ohwell.

what else. so yuh. i wasted two hours of my fugging life for that. now i have to go again next year. afterwards was my allnighter fest. and today...was glorious after my last class was finished at 1. slept for maybe 3 hours till taiko, which kicked my ass earlier tonight. literally felt like jelly right after.

sweaty and gross, i rushed back to the room to wash up before movie and such with peeps, only to find i had less than 10 min to do so. figured i could make it and halfway in the shower i get a knock from my roomie going..."um like everyone is out in the hall waiting for you..." oops.

well it was all good. i was done shortly after and the peeps were nice enough to wait for me despite my request for them to go first. watched the featured 2 dollar movie, half nelson, a movie which i've wanted to see since the beginning of summer and am much satisfied now. it's a good movie. one which i appreciate for the subtle displays of how humans react and function that were hidden within. it's always better when things aren't made apparent. also good choice in music. the music producer also had a propensity towards broken social scene songs apparently.

this post is really long. and i really don't like it. and i'm really tired, running on a few hours of offset sleep in the past 40 hours or so. still feel like jelly. incoherency yay. eyelids are fugging heavy and losing consciousness as we speak.

used to be able to do this no sleeping deal with intense sports and classes all day. wow i'm getting old.

stranger than your sympathy

2006-11-30T17:26:00.000-08:00

today my english prof advised us to "take the same drugs you did while studying for your finals on the day of those finals" because that way, the same neuroreceptors in your brain will be excited and you'll remember the info better.

awesome.

so the other day in the dining hall, i spotted a group of grad students situated near where i was sitting. and all i could think is. god. i really really don't wanna grow older.
you gotta wear boring, mature clothing. stiff shoulders and sitting up straight? what does frolicking mean? um. politics? and wtf. you sit and listen to each other whistling for sport?

well. the whistling thing is actually pretty amusing but like. that's probably already on the extreme side for old peeps. still. the clothes just...god. looking classy is not on my list of things to do. ever.

actually. the clothes just really scare me for some reason. and like really old peeps? o_0 let's not even go into their fashion. whatev. i'm still in the mental age of like 8 so.

so in sex section we played a mating game which involved sticking cards containing three random personality traits on our heads without looking at it....and then trying to "propose and mate" with another person you thought had attractive qualities by holding your hand out to shake as the proposal.

it was actually really sad and amusing to see people scramble around, closing their eyes and awkwardly sticking their hands out in people's faces in hopes of not getting rejected. funny were the hesitant and ew. faces of those who'd just read foreheads with unattractive qualities. and the two people left over with such qualities as "bitchy," "boring," and "grumpy" written across their heads was especially sad.

then of course, we took our cards off our heads and compared them to see if we paired with peeps with similar qualities and such and yada yada. and yeah. got candy.

i also totally rushed into section with an incomplete paper on my laptop, found the due date time to turnitin.com to be during section, edited in a flurry, squeezed it onto 8 pages with some slight...alterations. and turned it in moments before due time. then of course i raced up the hill to my fugging room and printed out a copy right after section, just moments before the hard copy due time at the start of lecture. already i'm learning the ways of bad college students.

oh and of course my pset and another 6 page english essay with no prompt is due tomorrow at 8am and noon respectively. and of course i...haven't started either. and of course i'm going to the big game festivities later tonight.

yuh. so ima just...youknow...like get started or something.

watching the others struggle through makes me grin

2006-11-29T14:49:00.000-08:00

you know when there are just some thoughts that keep cluttering your mind. you try to approach it with this air of. psha whatev. not that big of a deal. but you still know deep in the back of your mind that actually yuh. things don't change and yeah it could be a big deal.

and now i'm starting to feel like a fool. and it's interfering with other things i'd like to get going on. see. it is quite unfortunate that yes. the taiko team is all about politics. and it is even more unfortunate that it is actually something i...probably care about for once.

don't you hate when you have to admit that yes, you care about what others think about you?

i keep on realizing just how much i've been stupidly reanalyzing again and again what i did wrong at taiko tryouts and what i need to do to beat the system. and all at the same time, trying to reject all the instances of politics that i wish were not there. but hey. it's life and this is how it goes.

1. you have to be good looking. as in pleasing to the eyes. not necessarily the most attractive thing in the world but hey. kyodo performs and performers (esp females of a japanese artform) must be at least somewhat good looking.
2. i need to lose some serious weight. let's face it. i'm overweight and it's not pretty.
3. change my appearance (clothes and shiz). negative attractiveness points. tomboy is acceptable but only with a fugging flare of feminine style
4. learn to acquire a more attractive and outward personality. they want potentially fun friendly people on their team. it's true i pushed myself and wasn't very shy or hesitant in throwing myself into it. but there's more to it than that.
5. definitely. lose the glasses. probably looked like a bookworm. and hard truth is. i probably still looked like a fatass, boring, sloppy nerd no matter how well i owned basic form and drumming. the importance of attractiveness ups itself even a bit more in japanese culture.
6. being japanese, having a japanese last name is a definite plus. comeon. taiko is a japanese tradition. it's all about japanese culture. even to be mixed race but have the name counts for something.
7. it probably really helps to be a part of nsu (which i am now) and get to know the peeps so that they also get to know you. they'll remember you and see more than just another nervous face in the crowd.
8. it probably helps even more if you're part of nsu staff (which i am also partly on...without actually initially meaning to be on. but won't go into that). a dedicated staff member of the club ensures the security of the team's future of being led by leaders who are well-connected to the club and its functionings.

before i was all fired up, stubborn, confident and totally gung ho over spending the rest of my college career pursuing taiko. but already i'm getting weary. being a part of nsu is fun but awkward. joining late hasn't been so bad because a couple people i knew from before turned out to be in it. at the same time, thanks to tryouts, the taiko team knows me already.

but that's where the awkward comes in. it's nice to know that going in new, people know you and you already know them. but um. then there's that little thought floating in the background (ohey we um. rejected you from the team).

and then because i'm a girl and i think too much, i start thinking. shiz maybe they're thinking the same thing. or maybe they just plain don't like me. or maybe they suspect i'm hanging around in efforts to work around the politics of it all. and because i hate politics, it leaves me quite uncomfortable. keep in mind these peeps aren't mean or anything. they're actually really chill people. i'm just paranoid.

but the realization of the fact that i actually care enough to even think about changing so much of my frigging self and what i'm comfortable with leaves me with a doubt that screams hey wtf dude. are you sure you want to let this go down? and then a part of me gets angry and stubborn against ...being so stubborn in not giving this all up.

shit. and after all these thoughts. the end always leaves me with the bitter truth that hey. you can be a guy and be a bit ugly, a bit fatter, and seem a bit nerdier when it comes to cases such as this and still have an upperhand over a female counterpart of the same sorts. genderstudiesw00t.

god how i hate admitting the truth.
maybe i was just meant for rugby instead.

why sampson loved delilah

2006-11-28T20:00:00.000-08:00

so i've found out i have no idea how to eat apple turnovers. or at least the ones here. they are literally the size of your entire FACE and crumble at the slightest touch. but damn is it good.

also after much experimentation around various areas including the halls of the humanities building, the library, and the grassy hills just past bruin plaza, i've finally found the perfect spot to sleep at during the 2 or 3 hours on tues and fri mornings between math and english class:

yes. under one of the archways of royce hall is always quite glorious. today i woke up to the burning sensation of sweatshirt zipper metal when it is in the sun too much, upon the bare skin of my neck. besides that though, and the constant stares from everyone who passes by however, it really is a nice place to situate yourself. as long as you don't mind very hard surfaces of course. it's not that bad really. here, i'll teach you how to do it:

quite simple really.

the big game or whatever is coming up. lots of things going on. even though we don't get a concert by the fray (goddammit) or a show with will ferrell like usc. it's okay. we party the semi-poor way. peeps camping out ever night by the bear statue to protect it from any possible usc plots, people running around trading in their red clothing for blue spirit shirts (i'm hells not trading in my threadless fuckit shirt for one though) and donating blood to "get the red out." yeah. it scares me too.

car smashing yesterday ...which i had no idea about ohwells next year. and bonfire/parade thursday with band and bunch of other good stuffs, parties that i will not attend, etc. but i won't lie. i'm mostly looking forward to the two dollar movie on friday which is totally unrelated to the game (stfu i've been trying to see half nelson forevah).

actually, also excited to hear the usc band. they sound like boring jerks...even if they're supposed to be very good. i sure as hope i don't meet any drunk 40 year old usc men though. that does not sound hot.

and tailgating. with floor or nsu (jap student union)? i know nsu will have steak. but i'm sure the floor will also have burgers and good stuff like that. decisions decisions.

to conclude - this is the furthest my spirit goes:
(something like)
jade: lolz. a stanny mom told us about how the usc band traveled for a game and stayed over at a hotel.
and something like 9 girls came back pregnant.
me: wtf they're trojans. aren't they supposed to be pretty down with protection?
jade: dunno
me: ohwait nevermind. trojans are only good once i guess.

but then i apologized something like "sorry that's what everyone says around here."

it's okay. i'm working on it.

so everybody put your best suit or dress on

2006-11-26T23:24:00.000-08:00

just got back to el college and to my pleasant surprise, i'm the first one back. thus i strut around my room in the gloriously sloppy sweatpants i bought from old navy (thanks jade), that my mom fears me of wearing in public.

that last sentence doesn't seem to make sense. but it's okay. i'm still stupid from senior year.

back at school now. i don't feel any different. back home, same thing. now i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be feeling. past weekend was a bunch of reunions, wasting time, procrastinating work, etc. it was good overall i guess. but it's odd cause i couldn't still help to feel that something was just missing. the familiarity is slowly disintegrating and i guess it's just a time when you're inbetween and the word "home" is just starting to become ambiguous.

back "home" you go through the motions, go to the same places just like you always did. same things imprinted into your mind just like you've never left it. but it doesn't feel like anything. it's like you're going around in the past but faded. and the closest thing to the past now are the old smells, sounds, and quite streets that resonate with a distant ring of nostalgia. but still. everyone's on a different track now and that's that.

what the fug did i just say. i dunno. let's just say that maybe i expect too much. and maybe it's a bit unsatisfying. and maybe i'm just a little too impatient. and maybe i'm the type of person that takes time to work things out. and maybe that combination is not so good.

besides that, do not see domino, it is a bad movie. and see babel, it is a good movie. sort of like crash. but don't see it unless you're in the mood for something very intense and heavy. went into it thinking it was another generic action movie suited for 9 bored ucla students...and um yeah. guess i'm not picking the movie next time.

oh. and check out the book masters of deception: escher, dali, and the artists of optical illusion at your local bookstore. coolest fugging book ever. elmer found it in barnes&noble the other night and the rest of us all seriously goggled at it for at least 2 hours. frigging amazing.

the california sun cascading down my face

2006-11-25T16:33:00.000-08:00

thanksgiving arrives. as usual, my cousin, aunt and uncle come over.

this. is my family:
(before relatives arrive)

dad: (walks into my room) wanna go get the beer?
me: (preoccupied on comp) ...huh? yeah sure. maybe later.
dad: k. (leaves)

me: (5 min later) ...wait.

(later, relatives arrive, i tell cuz dad wants beer. we decide to go get it. we go down. dad hands me money. i try to hand it to my cuz.)

cousin: why you handing it to me for?!
me: psh so you can buy it duh!
mom: wait. can't you just buy it?
cousin+me: um.

mom: what? you're 18 already!

yeah.
anyways, lots of food, yadda yadda. i try to get out of picking my uncle up from my...second? cousins' house(they have the same model house as andrew ha.), so that he could come back and eat my sis's bread pudding or whatever, but instead just succeeded in making my sis and cousin come with me. we neander around inside and one of my second? cousin's french husband cooks up some mean crepes with assorted fruit and nutella...while my sis goggles and tries to learn how to make them. we come back, time passes, my relatives go home and yeah. the end.

this. is also my family:

dad: (enters mah room) so...your mom and i was thinking. since we have no idea what you like or want nowadays. we think you should just write things you want on a list and we'll just get you some of those things.
me: um. my snowboard could be my christmas present =D
dad: nono, but your snowboard is something ...something you need. youknow for mammoth and stuff. like we mean like other stuff...
me: um. okay...
dad: okay? okay. so just make your list and give it to us sometime. (leaves)

yup.

and it's a long way home

2006-11-21T01:04:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wish i could be one of those people who can let go and never look back. cut all ties and just forget. to not expect or hope or care. just sometimes.

anyways, thanksgiving hasn't even gone and past and i'm already thinking about winter break. for my own benefit, i will write down a tentative schedule of important dates:

dec
15 - i'm out bitches.
17-21 - aca (association of chinese americans) annual ski/snowboard trip to tahoe. apparently it's mostly a bunch of hardcore partying. oh asians. (if not going, will have dentist appointment on 21st ew.)
23-29 - annual family ski/snowboard trip to mammoth
jan
1 - so this is the new year.
2 - if going with aca, then make-up dentist appointment urgh.
8 - fugging last fugging day of fugging break.

but for now, looking forward to thanksgivingbreak snowboard scouting (well, friends too of course, but that's a given). know how easy it is to trick yourself into blind contentment through the attainment of material goods?

and then realize how unsatisfied you still are afterwards.

omg. how boring i am now. i can feel my sense of humor seeping out of me slowly, the unused expressions, ideas, silly imitations collecting dust and cobwebs, expiring with every day that passes...like the lunch meat that i stuffed into my mouth that one midnight as i was starving, only to find out after eating half of the package that fresh, green fuzzy mold had inhabited itself right smack dab in the middle of each slimy slice of the processed animal bits.

i knew it tasted a bit funny.

with our palms cupped like shovels

2006-11-19T18:42:00.000-08:00

here goes nothing..

so i suppose i've decided to finally revive the blog completely again. i'll start with a relatively boring entry. because i'm not feeling very inspired or creative at the moment..and i'm just plain not used to blogging anymore.

let's see. my life. well...i did go to the ski/snowboarding expo at the l.a. convention center yesterday. it's a great event for anyone looking for good prices on new equipment, clothes, etc. only it's horribly crowded and hectic so if you're claustrophobic or agoraphobic...not the place for you.

did manage to zero in on a couple of jackets but after countless runs, no board. cause i'm just picky like that. my eye is still on the burton 147 elite, that i initially saw at the expo but didn't get, even though my ideal length is actually around 150(cm) buuut the 151 elite is uglier....and i still really like the 47's design rawrgh. i might just get a board too short for me. and then pretend to lose some weight =D afterall, i've apparently been using a board that's been too short for me since the beginning of time(a 143) and never really noticed so. yuh.

what else. i still hate the uc system cause i had this whole plan for picking classes and even with a priority enrollment...ended up with another 8am class and scattered schedule. i'm pretty much improvising next quarter's schedule now. it's hot. and i'm forced to obsessively monitor the schedule of classes site constantly in this unflatteringly paranoid way.

hm. i...really don't think i have much else to say other than i'm not doing so well in math and american novel, two classes out of three. and my sex class is the only one i've been doing surprisingly well in. heh i wonder why that is. k. i'm also still wanting to procrastinate some more so...i'll post my class schedule...yes. even though it will be defunct in a few more weeks.

mon.
8-8:50 - math 31a lecture. basic calc and yeah. i'm failing.
8:51-11:59pm - PARTAY(sleep is good too)

tues.
8-8:50 - math discussion
11-12:15 - american novel lecture. prof is awesome and shows us random movie clips. but why am i even taking this frigging class.
3:30-4:45 - ge clstr: sex from biology to gendered society lecture. the only class i'm actually interested in. though the seats are so comfy i fall asleep almost every lecture. hm.

wed.
8-8:50 - math lecture. why is this classroom so damn far away.
rest of day - have i mentioned how much i love mon and wednesdays?

thurs.
8-8:50 - HA NO MATH HAHAHA SLEEP IN LATE HAHAHAH OMG k.
11-12:15 - american nov lecture.
1-2:50 - sex discussion. my ta is the most fugging awesome ta in the world. seriously. you would think so too if you met her.
3:30-4:45 - sex lecture.

fri.
8-8:50 - wtf math lecture.
12-12:50 - american nov discussion.
12:51-whenev -HOME FREE

2006-10-10T02:12:00.000-07:00

owhat a post. kinda.

2006-09-22T14:46:00.000-07:00

slowly. i will revive the blog. or maybe.

tomorrow seems to me just an illusion we believe

2006-09-20T23:46:00.000-07:00

alright. i was thinking about this again and since i was near my computer this time, i thought hey i'll write about it!

okay. i was thinking how lucky i am...like on the smaller scale. detail wise. everyday simple things that could have become much worse. like. things always happened so conveniently for me. and the oddest part ...is actually how they first occur.

yousee, i dunno about you, but there have been so many times where initially inconvenient and negative things happen to me...only to be followed by a sudden remembrance to do something i've forgotten to that prevented worse things to happen (or just more bad/inconvenient things). kinda as if i was led to do a bad clumsy thing in order to prevent more bad things. it's (sometimes literally) a knocking at my head to say hey! you forgot something dumbass!

like just now. i'm innocently sitting here at my computer right? aim-ing away...and all of the sudden my brain turns off, and i magically drool this HUGE gop of spit right onto my resting hand...instantly i'm like oh! haha how silly of me and i reach for a tissue...

and then DING! ohhey. i forgot to pack a tissue box for college! hey pretty sweet. prevented future inconvenience =D

in the past, i've lost all like 32483 music files on my computer...to only find out upon redownloading all my music that i had 48395 more that i had hidden and forgotten somewhere.

or say. perhaps a stubbing of the toe on the leg of the bed makes me turn and scowl one last time in pain and anger at the fugging bed...only to suddenly realize my trusty little cell phone is still lost amongst the pillows somewhere.

i usually have several of these sudden occurrances each day...added together, it shows how lucky i am on a whole smaller scale. just in everyday life. i've had at least 4 today...and they made for much better examples but unfortunately, i don't remember them.

there are ones that even show my luck on a greater scale. darnshame i can't remember a specific one. one involving my car keys once, another with timing and potentially breaking some glassware, even one where i probably could've been caught for something if luck hadn't caught me just in the knick of time (i didn't do anything THAT bad okay?). oh. and one that pretty much saved me from a lot of hurt. like a lot (dang what was it...).

this. is how fallible we humans are. all these mistakes! luck has to be on your side to survive well. don't deny it, just think about it...it's quite amazing i feel.

damn....all those times i've been saved from such potential disasters by epiphanies as a result from seemingly unfortunate chance occurrances...

ironically, it all just makes me want to thank the badluck all the more =D

everyone i knew was waiting on a cue

2006-09-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

ucla's site is screwy sometimes. scratch that. a lot of times.

but i swear something out there is working against me. so i had this question right? my natural course of action is to seek out the answer through ucla's online virtual counseling thing through my.ucla.edu. now it is only available from mon-fri from 3-4pm (what an inconveniently narrow time slot). yesterday i try to get on at 3:45...the site fugging refused to load up. as in absolutely refused to let me in...i spent 15 min frantically shouting at my computer...nothing happened of course till by 4pm i was covered in sweat and pissed off.

i could have called but that option was also closed by the time cause ucla...just doesn't like helping people much. well. and i was too stubborn to give up on the computer to go call. i also hate talking on the phone.

today i started packing (yeah, amazing i know) and i conveniently remembered right at 3 that hey! i could try again. so i tried. i gained (amazingly)connection.

but something was a bit off...it looked a bit like something from bash.org...except not funny of course. it looked a bit like:

<cassio UnknownMyEmail@@MySchool.Edu has entered room #admcounselor 1667>(or something or other)
<server> Your nickname is now cassio
<server> Welcome to chitchat created on sept 9 01:51:00 blahblah
<server> 1 host and 1 users on 1 server
<server> 1 host and 0 users on 0 servers
<server> I have 1 host on 0 servers
<server> MOTD file missing

then i notice that there is no one in the chatroom with me and that next to my name, it says (host)
so i'm like wtf is going on...where is my counselor...and why am i the fugging host? i keep signing in and out but the same thing shows up...i even talk to myself but nothing happens.

then another poor confused student comes in and is like question! i was like whoa. but excited to come in contact with another living thing anyways. i'm like i think the system thinks i'm the counselor or something. and we both are like errr for another 15 min till another student comes in and is like hi! who's the counselor!

i explain everything all over again and we sit...and wait. and wait....
then all of the sudden all these kids start entering at about 15 min to 4pm. we are all lost and confused and someone's all like hey. let's just try counseling eachother!!

we try. it was kinda fun but also a bit of a mess. and everyone still wanted the extra confirmation of our answers from an authority figure. eventually those peeps all left. then at literally 2min till closing time, another shitload of students enter and are like help pleeze?

oh last minute procrastinators, i salute you.

well they are all wtf too as i explain myself to them for the 23849325th time...and we pretty much chill till 4pm came and gone. one girl was even at one point like...i'm pretty sure i got back early just for this...i thought that was hilarious (esp since everyone else was like ...). at 4:15 i was like fugthis ima go finish packing and left. unfortunately i think everyone who entered that room was too uptight and panicky about their predicaments to make small talk. sigh ohwell. it was fun anyways...

they better fugging fix their computer problems. now.

oh. and fire is ravaging the area again. you can never see the sky anymore. at least the sun is always a pretty red-orange now from the smoke =D

[edit]
hm i just noticed that my college page updated itself from "new student" to "sophomore standing." never thought about this much before nor cared...and i'm probably really stupid for asking but...wtf does that mean? (btw...this means that technically i'm not a freshman again mwahahaha...kinda.)

and the city lights fade to black

2006-09-19T11:21:00.000-07:00

i woke up this morning at 7am again today with this strange urge to take an early morning walk to somewhere.

so that's what i did.

except the weird thing is, my legs somehow led me to school. and the even weirder thing is that i somehow stayed from a bit of 0 period all the way through the end of nutrition. um yeah. and the whole way i was walking down there, i had this really strange content feeling that made me smile in a probably very creepy way to all the parents dropping kids off. it wasn't my fault. i blame it on death cab. if you are unable of inferring any information whatsoever, i was listening to music at the time.

good thing is that now i feel clean and good to leave the op now. i've finally completed all my intended plans after this morning. see today, i went to high school, as i promised, visited friends...again (that i expected to see and didn't as well which was very nice), waved to johnson, talked to kinberg, and pretty much visited pawloski for the whole of 1st period.

this is in addition to my other fulfilled tasks...playing with the band at a football game and seeing pavia, visiting nelson 23489 times, saying hi to schultheis (who surprisingly remembered my name), seeing vaughn and langley (who just made fun of me again), visiting the good 'ol tennis team at practice and their first game (w00t they finally beat chaminade), going to an acadeca meeting and seeing mrs. d, and this is not part of the high school, but was required as well: visiting labnow at the middle school.

the one thing i ended up not doing was seeing the new french teacher. but this is because everyone who i've seen so far have scared me with their not so positive reports of the teacher. well. except adam...who then got pissy because he likes this teacher a lot and no one else does really. apparently she doesn't like american culture and makes fun of it all the time, has a heavy accent, and is strict and pissy...probably also a bit pretentious. yeah. i'm starting to see why adam would like her...

seeing the last kiss tonight. other movies i need to see but won't necessarily get to:
the science of space
half nelson
old joy
little miss sunshine (for the 2nd time...and maybe a 3rd..and 4th as well =D)

time for some f00d.

so lonely inside, so busy out there

2006-09-16T00:50:00.000-07:00

time for a post. cause i feel like it.
what have i been doing. oh not much really. just some more hanging out. here's a review:

sunday.
i'm sure i did something...probably hung out at jackie's till like 2 or 3am. maybe that was even the night we went up the mountain and laid on some sleeping bags...scaring ourselves by looking out for ufos or something. then i got hungry for fries and made everyone escort me to mcdonald's...where we ate. quite a bit.

monday.
...most likely the same as sunday. sub in 7 eleven for mcdonald's perhaps?

tuesday.
i remember i didn't go out this night cause i was tired and our ...ahem. prearrangements were foiled (dammit. i was so close). there's always winterbreak. or next summer even.

wednesday.
beach at night. it was pretty cool. they showed me a nice little secluded area to park and the little "hill" of sand and such. kim and i created some pretty intense art in the sand...yeah in the dark too. i probably also peed somewhere in the dark on the beach cause i really had to go. probably.

thursday.
a dinner/gettogether type thing to welcome tiff's cousin, tina, with some other ucla folks. dinner was at yomama's (it's actually called yomama sushi. yeah.). dessert at shave it (where they mix ice cream with shaved ice and stuff on top...it's insane). and then donnie darko at dorothy's house. it was cool. i realized that it was the first time i'd seen the director's cut of donnie darko...even though the movie was actually mine.

friday.
oh. that was like today...jade and i went on our little escapade to band part 2. i found a renewed hate for paul. we left early, i followed jade home and attempted to eat like her. which was horribly difficult (hello, chopped tofu, avocado, raw green peppers, and fish...practically no salt till i demanded some)...then she made fries for me cause i prolly looked pitiful. the younger gang arrived after the game and we chilled on jade's driveway again. and eventually in my car. again.

tomorrow(or today rather).
EATING FEST W00T. so excited.

ohmylife. it's so eventful.
you are probably jealous.

[edit]
jade would also like you to know that we also visited labnow at the middle school...and while we were walking back, we got so some discussion in which i answered no, that wouldn't be right!

well conveniently enough, there was also a sign right in front of us that said "wrong way." i spotted it, pointed at it, and said in a very dorky tone, no! i mean, that would be WRONG!

then jade very cleverly pointed out WAY WRONG in a very dorky manner as well (youknow, wrong way backwards?).

we proceeded to complete the rest of our journey laughing and snorting at our complete dorkiness.
the end.

when your worrying starts to hurt

2006-09-09T17:16:00.000-07:00

so yesterday...was pretty chill. jade and i somehow ended up in front of her house at night during the football game in my car just kinda being insane.

well so it started when we went out for a bit to the promenade and got bored, so i dropped her off at home.

of course i didn't leave her house but instead waited for the game to end, so i could hang out with the other peeps...yes. parked on jade's driveway.

then the exciting thing happened...admist the commotion of the distant crowd and announcer's booming mic, i suddenly heard .... THE BAND!! yes i could actually hear them. AND what was even better, they were playing the hey song (yes i could actually distinguish it) and i could hear their cute little HEY!'s every now and again.

i got really excited in this really embarrassing way and called jade outta her house again and made her listen too. =D afterwards, we were like so now what. it was then that i just decided to pop my trunk and we sat in the back like how peeps do at 4th of july celebrations, listening to the distant plethora of sounds and just chillin'.

the great thing was that we started playing with my trunk...which is awesome btw...pulling down the top window half and pretending we were in some star wars movie, and then shutting the bottom half at other times to make ourselves claustrophobic (told you my trunk is awesome). it was also great that the people walking past us thought we were high on drugs too...not one passing person could resist having to look back at us to get a clearer view. it was hot. jade's mom thought we were hilarious.

eventually, aloni, raquel, and ben were finally released from the football game and arrived around 11pm. we then all proceeded to chill some more...in the trunk of my car of course. people are always fascinated with my trunk. i swear you would be too.

eventually, jade leaves into her house (while we continued hanging out there) and then ben goes home too. then a bit later aloni, raquel, and i got bored and cold. so we were like hey! let's all squish into the trunk and try to close the bottom half!!

we fit. and it was quite cozy. of course then aloni asked that if he closed the trunk, if i would be able to open it again. of course he was pointing at the bottom half so i was like of course, you just have to pull the handle from the outsi-

but in the middle of me saying that, aloni does a very aloni-like thing and shuts the bottom AND top half of the trunk. thereby locking us in the trunk.

i did yell NOO but it was much too late...my hands didn't get there fast enough. so we were stuck. and i was yelling at aloni. after a moment, i was like well. raquel, (who was in the middle), you're gonna hafta climb over the seat BACKWARDS to squeeze out and get to the button in the driver's seat.

she goes and next thing you know there's a big THUMP. apparently the armrests had slid from under her back and she landed head first into the backseats. i panicked, but it was okay cause she just laughed a lot. oxygen was running out, so i don't blame all of us for laughing our heads off at our ridiculous predicament.

of course at this point aloni does another very aloni-like thing and starts practically yelling I WANNA DO IT TOO I WANNA...CAN I CLIMB OVER TOO. and i'm just like ALONI WTF SIT STILL PLEASE STOPTHATFDAK.

just to let you know, aloni later also almost ripped off the back windshield wiper, was close to breaking the top half of the trunk by attempting to close the bottom half onto the top half, and (earlier today at the park) set off the alarm of my car. he should just...not touch my car i feel.

anyways, in the middle of our struggle, i see a figure walking towards us...it is a clean jade, walking once again out of her house after taking a shower all wtf...it was probably a hilarious sight seeing my car all packed and chaotic, emitting screams...and i yelled to her while she laughed at us...HELP! and told her the directions to open the trunk.

she succeeded in popping it open again...but only after popping open the hood (which i realized later, had been open the whole morning earlier today while my mom and i went to drop my sis off to chinese school and then me to the doctor's). anyways, we released ourselves and then ended up all chillin' in my car again.

jade eventually left for good at 1am cause she had to wake up the next morning. and us remaining peeps chilled till around 2am..when my dad was like you should prolly come back cause you need blood drawn tomorrow. but it was so nice just hanging out that i would've chilled there till the next morning...and probably had jade find us still outside her house.

*****

earlier today, we chilled at beanscene and then went to the "walden pond" park, raced through trails near the creeks, experimented on loglike tree roots, frolicked in the sand at the playground, and tried sliding down a slide that was...tricksy, several times.

sigh.
oh, funtimes. i do not want school to start. ever.

i'm losing you and it's effortless

2006-09-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

so the past few nights or so have been filled with jolly good late-night times. a couple hanging out on driveways or lying around on blankets and sleepingbags in the center field of the park at 2 to 3:30am. some midnight escapades to the local 7 eleven and wendy's. quite a few crashing people's houses when they weren't around and watching movies and russell peters. and a late night of sweat shop activity followed by general laziness.

don't think i've been back home earlier than 2 or 3am every night i do go out actually. it's pretty awesome.

wtf...paul is being a jerk again. he is probably ungodly now. jeanine, you don't help either. fuggers.

also went to the doctor anticipating a meningitis shot. but then she was like hrm sooo..cassidy...haven't been here since you were 12 so...there might be quite a few immunizations(ohfugno) you need to get done eh?

so she started listing everything down on a pad...one...two..three(omg this is ...lots)...four...five(where the fug did these ones come from?)...and six!(i swear you made that one up). so they gave me three that day. i have to get my blood drawn and stuff on...saturday maybe. and couple more when they get some in stock or something. wtf.

that's it. oh. and i don't have a fever yet alex. HA know why? cause I DON'T GET SICK =P
oh. and pediatricians now do this "confidential survey" type thing with patients and they like talk to you about your problems to make sure you don't kill yourself or something. odd.

to let the walls around me burn

2006-08-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

so raquel, ben, aloni, and i were talking about band one day, and i told them that they must drive out this next pavia dude to keep up the tradition of a new band teacher every year. yeah you know how defense against the dark arts is the "cursed" position at hogwarts?...well let's just say band is its counterpart at op.

sooo then we got to listing out all band teachers we've had in the past.
i think the count for me was 8 in the past...7 years since 6th grade. lemme see if i can do this again without my fellow bandmates' help...

1. massey

...dang.

alright so i failed. i've asked ben and he's very kindly provided me with the memory that am obviously incapable of recalling. here is the new and (very)improved list:

1. massey
2. steuben (for some reason i only clearly remember a "mr. stupin")
3. macintyre
4. zavala
5. williams (now rosner)
6. young
7. walker
8. cissell
9. kelley

...hrm. okay. so i've had ...9 teachers..though i thought it was 8. even better. alright. so maybe some don't really count...observe:

1. massey - (6th grade) supposedly the best band teacher ever. carried the whole op band program on his back in fact. too bad he left us for a job in...like arkansas (yeah i know...what?). loved to make threats (his fav: hanging students by their toes) and throw his baton at kids that messed up (which was not so good for me cause i sat right in front of him, as he so kindly pointed out).

2. steuben/stupin - (7th) i still swear his name was stupin...perhaps this is what middle school peer brainwashing does to you. i just remember having discussions about this with friends and being very grateful my name was hsieh...better one that's hard to say than...a bit too easy to say.

3. macintyre - (8thalmost) if i remember correctly...he didn't like us much. nor cared...in fact, he studied for another job at the same time...and then left us cause he had some big report due and couldn't handle us kiddies anymore. had hair that only jerks would have. oh. and the flute section loved to steal his baton.

4. zavala - (8thkinda) took over for macintyre. big like indian/black dude with a ponytail. wore leather jackets and sunglasses. tried to intimidate us by telling us he worked with like delinquents in l.a. before or something like that. big man with stiff movements is generally what i thought of him.

5. williams - (9th-10th) awesomest band teacher since massey. understood kids and actually cared about band program so much so that she decided to go back to mcms to make sure kids got a proper start in band (dammit) despite our whining and begging for her to stay. longest lasting teacher since massey as well (2 years). improved band program again, patched things up. thought it was all too good to be true...which it was. knows that i like the smell of tide (don't ask). also only female band teacher we've had(cissell doesn't really count). is now mrs. rosner.

6. young - (11th-12thalmost) mostly just one thing: BAAHHH!! >:) lasted 1.75 yrs (whew almost thought he'd break the curse). dances in funny, jerky way. doesn't understand the concept of actually conducting at football games. tried to revive band but failed. has bad taste in design. does not understand why i could not fit wind ensemble into my schedule and why calculus is more important than band...even after half of the year passed by. won't shuddup about jazz and miles davis. favored his creation: ophs jazz band. also is oblivious to actually choosing songs to FIT FOR an occassion...insists on condemning all rock and styles other than classical and jazz as not music.

7. walker - (12thkinda) flute extraordinaire. famous in the music/movie industry. prof at usc. my former tennis-mate's father. expected me to go to usc, play tennis AND play the clarinet in their ubermarching band without dying first. first met him at a tennis match after thinking...why does my teammate's father look so much like mr. walker...shuddup i'm dense. will always probably just remember me as the clarinet-playing-tennis-captain. took over concert band with cissell near the end of my high school career.

8. cissell - (12thkinda) band peeps see her as an annoying blabbermouth. this is caused by the band's rivalry with the choir...which it absolutely does not compare to, and cissell's tendency to unknowingly torture band kids by making them stay two hours extra at band/choir performances through the scheduling of 238493 choir songs inbetween every one of the band's songs...and then inserting 30 minute speeches for every one of her songs. pride is not a problem until it starts affecting others. sad thing is, she actually tried very hard to help band kids in the end (we just didn't give a shit). helped walker teach/manage concert band.

9. kelley - (12thkinda) took over wind ensemble and jazz band. doesn't really count as my teacher, but i just like to think so anyways because i was forced into wind ensemble for a short period of time. supposedly a very cool teacher...but of course, like every other cool teacher, he was only here for a very short while.

...and the future 10. pavia. which i will not have, of course. rumor has it he's french (which reminds me..i must see the new french teacher as well). but i dunno. will surely go see him at least once. we have yet to see how it all goes...

hopefully not well. >:) you might call me mean but..

WE MUST KEEP THE TRADITION ALIVE AND STRONG!!
LONG LIVE THE CURSE

my head is a box, and that's the way i like it

2006-08-28T03:11:00.000-07:00

i really dunno why. but i haven't been this paranoid in a while.

the inability to release goosebumps...and considering it is this late, and i cannot sleep yet have an intense headache from fatigue...i kinda feel a mix between being constipated on the inside, unable to breathe properly, unusually cold yet still sweating, wanting to cry, vomit, and yell all at the same time. basically, my brain is confused.

yeah it's pretty sexy.

i can't bring myself to turn off the lights or music, i dread getting off the internet and ending my aim conversations, and i really really want to call people just to hear another human being's voice.

i also have this urge to wake up my entire family. but that would require opening my door...and i can't even bring myself to go towards it. plus...you never know if your family could...youknow....or like find them...omg STOP

alright. when you start doubting your own blood relation/imagining bad things involving them...you know you have a paranoia problem.

and it's not even a recent development or anything. i've been like this since when i was really, really small. it's probably innate or something. sometimes i think my imagination is a little too vivid.

what i need is like a friend or something. someone i trust. someone that won't sleep and keep me company...perhaps even a dog...actually. the daytime is also quite nice...except i also get paranoid sometimes in broad daylight. ...god why is my heart rate so fast. someone save me. o_o

dang. i will probably end up falling asleep on this laptop and wake up with the same music on replay for the 23849th time and the lights all burnt out in the morning.

my life is quite sad.

what you can't change is loneliness

2006-08-26T00:41:00.000-07:00

so i'm boycotting the agoura hills mann. because the peeps there are fugging asses.

so sharon and i go to see "beerfest." it is rated r. i forget they are trained to be total assholes. we try getting tickets. we are asked for id (which pisses me off). i pass, sharon doesn't. in a state of confusion we buy one for beerfest and one for..."how to eat fried worms." stupid.

we start going in. i give the tickets together hoping they don't read it (like at the promenade cause they're lazy =D). well ms. crabby patty does. and is like you know these are different movies right. i'm like yeah (i'm not fugging stupid.) and she's flustered and thus decides to pretend she is our mother and tells us to make sure not to go into beerfest. i roll my eyes and am like sure whatever.

she let's us go. but i'm not that stupid. poor sharon is shaken. i am ready to kill a small animal...thus rendering me almost superhuman with alertness... and i keep a casual watch on her.

luckily so too cause while i was buying my popcorn and complaining with sharon...i notice the ticket girl just getting off of a walky talky and looking away suspiciously right when i glanced in her direction. bitch.

almost immediately, i catch a blur disappearing behind the concessions stand but was snapped back to attention when the popcorn dude went that'll be 5.25. damn, i thought...but continued to talk to sharon like nothing was up.

after gettign popcorn i told sharon they were being bitches and so we pass the employees now stationed at "beerfest" and went to "how to eat fried worms." sharon was utterly embarrassed and guilty still.

i ...was utterly pissed.

yousee. i'm 18. i'm going to college. i've had about as much as i can already stand with people telling me what the fuck i can or cannot do. i'm ready to go out into the world...and... piss on anything that pisses me off just so i can make myself literally and graphically understood. or something like that (and only when i know the result won't be of too much consequence cause um. i'm still a wimp/geek at heart =P).

so in the theater (which only had one family with two small children in it), i start planning our next move. i figured that 10 min of previews for "beerfest" had gone by and our current movie would be just starting at about the same time. 5 more min and beerfest would actually start for real. time was running out.

by this time sharon was starting to get really angry too, which was perfect cause i sent her out to the bathroom to check if the coast was clear. during her trip out, i thought of calling her and telling her just to go straight into "beerfest" afterwards but apparently they cut out the service in there too. dickheads.

sharon arrives back and reports the coast is clear. we decide well fuck this we're getting out money back and going to the promenade where the people are cooler. we go out...luckily right as another movie got out...

on the spur of the moment our devil little angry asian girl sides came out, and we impulsively follow the flow and break off at the end...right into "beerfest" baby. by that time a bit of the movie had started but not much. sharon was guilty as hell again, and i was still plain pissed yet devilishly satisfied that we beat those suckas.

bouts of paranoia did come up a bit throughout the movie but for the most part my anger and recklessness overruled all. screw them was my mantra tonight.

unfortunately, the movie wasn't even good. initially when sharon asked me if i wanted to see it i was really skeptical...but boredom finally caved me in. i mean. it was ...what it looks and sounds like. another mindless for-idiots movie full of racist, sexist, slapstick, potty, druggy, drunk jokes that only racist, sexist, slapstick, potty, druggy, drunk boys in large groups would really enjoy. we found out why it was rated really, really r. this is what happens when you try to pass the time. like really, pass the time.

i really feel as if this summer, i have graduated into a fullfledged man. god, like seriously.

*****

on a different note, got home and my sis asked me for some advice and help. do not know why i was so willing to help and give up so much time to do so, but it required me to draw again. draw...animals. upon reflection, perhaps it was some inner crazyshiz passion that gripped me like in some cheesy movie, possessing my mind, making it slave to the renewed nostalgia of what i used to love to do.

damn i was so outta practice. but a bit of warming up, and i remembered why i loved it so long ago. such a long time of trying to stop it, and i thought i'd learned to live without it. but damn my sis couldn't stop or shut me up right then...i kept going and going and going. good thing was, it made her darn excited...two good things in one. and i didn't even have to try. hrm.

opened another fugging can of worms. again. always tend to do that. never learn... i'm so human. what is this thing called passion. i hate it. like extremes.

goddammit. it drives people craaaaazy.

so easy how we come undone

2006-08-24T11:08:00.000-07:00

today i had to once again face one of my many fears. talking to parents/people i do not know well. alright. so maybe it's not as much as a "fear" than perhaps just something i don't enjoy much cause of the nervousness it causes.

yes, i took my sis to her middle school registration and as a result, met people that i and/or my sis knew...thus forcing me into the act of striking up conversation and trying hard not to come off (too)rude for both my sis's middle-schooler-ohno-pleasepleasePLEASE- don't-make-me-look-bad sake, my parents' sake, and everybody else who is connected to me in some foreign way's sake...oh and, of course, my own. because i'm a good sister like that. but not. because you all know the real reason is due to my pitiful submission to a coercive set of rules and mannerisms embedded deep into this overarching, oppressive systematic force we call...SOCIETY.

i have no idea what i just said, but damn did it sound good. yup. i'm ready for college folks.

which reminds me. the other night we saw "accepted." not the best movie around but the vote between "snakes on a plane" and "accepted" for better movie was pretty much split so...i'll let you decide. however, there is one quote that i absolutely have to take note of just because. it is the following:

so remember... in college, you'll have the best four years of your life. and then you're f-BLEEP(blackout)

it pretty much rivals samuel l. jackson's immortal "snakes on a plane" quote i am sick and tired of these muthafuckin' snakes on this muthafuckin' plane! yes, amazing.

so before my sis's registration, i'd just gotten back from a little camp outing by the beach with the very cool jackie, shirley, alex, paul, elmer, and gabe. now you'd think (like us) that mosquitoes don't really have any business at the beach and are pretty much naturally restricted from the area by gusting winds that make it near fugging impossible to start a fire for maybe your fugging grill for a few fugly hotdogs rawrgh!...

where was i. ohyeah. so you'd think we'd have a fun beachy time. but NO. the frigging place was infested by man-eating moquitoes that ate your face off. elmer kindly informed me that mosquitoes are more attracted to peeps with higher acidity in their blood...esp those who eat lots of MEAT.

that was when i realized i was done for. upon arriving home i counted around 10 bites on my face and 10 more around various parts of my body.

besides that it was fun. it got dark fast. so we ate. and sat. and ate and sat. played pictionary. made eachother angrily insane with riddles. and decided to walk down the coast after dinner...except the tide rose...rendering some of us utterly wet and the rest of us cold anyways. so we had no choice but to begin our journey back...on the rocks, which was quite uncomfortable for those of us without shoes. heh

we get back eventually and go back to sitting in the dark. talking. attempting to play truth or truth (but failing multiple times). more talking. playing mind boggling games you would never play unless you were also bored and stuck in the dark with nothing else to do. and yet more riddles.

and then all of the sudden paul had to ruin the moment with his fugging scary stories. goddammit. he succeeded in making shirley and i scream in horror...like fullout scream...and i learned that night that i screamed like a man. like naturally, on impulse...instead of your everyday classic high-pitched, window-breaking female scream. it was more like a (veryfriggingloud)yell i'd say. um yeah.

so that shook shirley and i up for the rest of the night/morning...and shirley's fidgeting and loud yelps afterwards during paul's followup anedotes (or attempts to...don't think we let him continue talking after) did not help calm my upset nerves. i once again have a reason to fear the darkness. thanks paul.

so things cooled down eventually...and elmer wouldn't let us sleep until someone played snaps with him and until he'd woken up several other peeps at home with phonecalls at 2am. all in all, we all fall asleep by 3am.

and wake at 5:45am.

it was glorious. water dripping on our faces from tent condensation. infiltration by mosquitoes into our sleeping quarters. hot-cold-hot-cold syndrome. and general discomfort.

so we chill in the tent, listening to music till around 7 and then decide to get outta there before we come out looking like walking carcasses. the boys want to go get some grub, and so we start heading for ihop. of course then alex is indecisive and cheap so he convinces everyone to go crash jeanine's place instead. they invade her pantry for some sodas and her fridge for food.

due to intense lack of sleep they get tired after around 40 minutes and decide to go home for some hygiene and r.e.m. (no, not the band...or actually i guess you could too). i get home around 8:40am, thus ending our wonderful great adventure.

[edit]
just found this from some medical journal online:
some of the worst mosquito populations exist along coastal areas
damn we're smart.

cause the world got in your way

2006-08-21T23:33:00.000-07:00

okay. call me a geek or a plebe but systemrequirementslab is le awesomely awesome. originally found it while searching for if i needed a better graphics card to play the sims 2 (cause i'm bored and i wanna make pixelated images woohoo to pass the time)...now i'm addicted and can't stop testing my computer for other games i know i will never touch in my life just because i can (you'll know what i'm talking about when you try it).

...or maybe i'm just really easily amused.

it's okay. it's probably my greatest attribute...or something like that o_0

i'll become what you became to me

2006-08-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

i was desperately bored enough to actually go and find myself a blog meme to do. yup. that's my life for ya =D

10 FAVORITES

Favorite Color: GREEEEEEEEN o_0
Favorite Food: does just plain meat count?
Favorite Month: december
Favorite Song: tiny vessels - death cab for cutie
Favorite Movie: here are just some i like - lion king, spirited away, harold and kumar go to white castle
Favorite Sport: one of them must be
Favorite Season: winter
Favorite Day of the week: friday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: rite aid's chocolate chip baby
Favorite Time of Day: midnight probably

9 CURRENTS

Current Mood: could be better yaknow
Current Taste: um. sexy?
Current Clothes: pjs w00t
Current Desktop: calvin and hobbes =D
Current Toenail Color: what toenails are supposed to be colored, bitches
Current Time: 11:40pm
Current Surroundings: probably my room
Current Thoughts: "dammit! i ran outta cherries!"

8 FIRSTS

First Best Friend: what do you mean by "first." and what do you mean by "best." hah no i'm just being difficult. ricky was his name. he was fat. and short. and moved to NY after kindergarten.
First Kiss: probably one that my parents gave me as a tiny baby that i would have no memory at all of
First Screen Name: ydissac218
First Pet: two leetle feeshies, oreo and max
First Piercing: um. no?
First Crush: why is it called a crush anyways.
First CD: probably n'sync or some (awesomely awesome)shit like that

7 LASTS

Last Cigarette: what would have been a couple weeks ago if i did accept my dad's offer of trying one in taiwan.
Last Drink: water baby. cool and crisp =D
Last Car Ride: just a couple hours ago...monterey park dudes.
Last Kiss: probably one i gave to my dad on the cheek as he dropped me off to school in say...1st grade
Last Movie Seen: SNAKES ON A PLANE!! muthafuckas
Last Phone Call: ironically one to jeanine concerning the matter of a lost cell phone (cause i'm just responsible like that)
Last CD Played: give up - the postal service

6 HAVE YOU EVERS

Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: nada
Have You Ever Broken the Law: mebbe
Have You Ever Been Arrested: oh loads of times...not.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: you (probably)wish
Have You Ever Been on TV: i'm sure a sexy person like me has had to have been on tv at least 5839432 times.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: that's odd.

5 THINGS

Thing You're Wearing: eyebrows. actually no, i'm pretty sure they're real.
Thing You've Done Today: excreted!
Thing You Can Hear Right Now: YOUR BREATHING...ha. just kidding. but i do hear a fan.
Thing You Can't Live Without: friends. muzic. f00d. sleep. oh and that handy stuff called...oxen..ozygem...something like that.
Thing You Do When You're Bored: masticate =D

4 PLACES YOU'VE BEEN TODAY

1. mah r00m
2. ze dwelling of ze jeaninius
3. TOFUPOTBABYOMFGYEAH
4. online.

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO

1. jeanine
2. my sis (at least perhaps when she gets a bit older)
3. probably a random person who has no idea who i am and does not care and is probably going to die soon so really it wouldn't matter if i did tell that person anything in the first place.

2 CHOICES

1. Black or White: black (is emo)
2. Hot or Cold: cold! ..unless on the matter of people. then i'd prefer them hot =P

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
whatever it takes to make me feel ready to die. makes sense, no?

in boxes with yellow tags on everyone

2006-08-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

it's time for me to do what i want, not what you want.

everything looks perfect from far away

2006-08-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

alrighty, am finally back for good this time till end of summer vacation w00t!

orientation was really fun and all except for that one little part called that-day-where-you-have-to-scramble-around-madly-just-to-find-a- frigging-class-for-your-literally-damned-schedule =D or perhaps it was just me cause i may be a bit picky. i mean. there were lots of classes not "closed" or "w-listed" like...well...chicana/chicano studies...and chicana/chicano studies...and chinese history to 1000...and OHYEAH! chicana/ chicano studies.

it was cool too cause how we enrolled on the final day actually was by going to our counselors' rooms in groups, randomly drawing out numbers (which i was lucky and got #1), and then literally a type of "on your mark, get set go!" at 9am sharp, logging in, typing the codes in (one by one, as in needing to start from the beginning for each class) as fast as possible, and rushing out of your chair for the poor folks after you. all the while feeling the number of spots available in each class diminish in a horrifying manner.

you should've seen how slow all the computers were that morning. it was pretty intense. =D

amazingly enough, everyone in my group got in their first choice classes (probably cause our counselor is frigging awesome and made sure we were efficient and ready to go), including me...who's first choice classes were actually probably already fifth choice classes due to all the kids in the fugging orientation sessions before.

but whatever. besides the whole second day and third morning, orientation was a blast. yeah basically the first day was designed for all the fun. ohyeah. and the second day starting at 11:45pm to around 1am (or depending on the teams) the next day was fugging amazing as well. as jeanine so kindly made me realize (by informing me about singapore's "urban hike"), it was rather like amazing race throughout the campus and a bit of westwood. though our team made it more into a cross country race than amazing race.

and we lived in reiber vista, a plaza. zach once told me plazas were really nice. and they are. of course i found, later on by surprise, that i was one of the lucky persons who got a room of two instead of three. so it was pretty sweet.

oh and my roommate told me that i reminded her of a friend she had from the way i act, talk and laugh. also, she told me that that particular friend was "crazy-in-the-head." she also clarified later that her friend was actually crazy. as in literally bipolar. that took meds for it.

it took me awhile to finally figure out she wasn't being sarcastic or anything. oops.

waiting on a silver platter now

2006-08-11T01:14:00.000-07:00

it takes so much luck just to make it through life well.

hailing thrills for twenty dollar bills

2006-08-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

back from asia dudes.

so we were all boarded and ready to go on the airplane when a typhoon/hurricane decided to arrive. so the pilot told us to chill for a while and wait till the storm let off a bit. of course, this did not occur and thus, he decided to inform us an hour later that the plane was at maximum weight, and they would begin unloading some cargo.

it was awesome. the whole thing took about 2 hours...during which time i managed to watch all of thank you for smoking and had begun a bit of a british movie called things to do before you're 30. entertainment is really such a wonderful thing in this world.

managed to get through a long flight quite well despite paranoid thoughts of crashing or hijackings that left the palms of my hands soaking. except i think the stewardesses got slightly peeved when i asked for gingerale to go along with my breakfast...

anyways. so we touched down around 10pm...a bit later than expected arrival of 8 but i thought, hey. i'm alive =D

it also took another 2 hours to obtain our baggage, which had been delayed due to lax's ongoing construction and then a mix up with mexicana's and aeromexico's(or something like that) baggage.

i got to drive the car home cause i wouldn't shuddup about it. arrived home at 2am. slept at 4am...a bit earlier than the rest of the family(6am).

um. the end.

if i fall out of what i fell in

2006-08-07T08:23:00.000-07:00

got back from hualien national park(is it a nat. park?) yesterday. it is very pretty.

so we had a three hour train ride on the way over there. earlier, my other cousin, pei-i (i think that's how she spells it) bought a happy meal from mcdonald's and gave the toy to my sis. it was a little green afro-man-frog-looking-plushy named...keroro or something like that (it's some cartoon dude). my sis, of course, didn't want the annoying little thing, and so i, being of the mental age of...8, took it.

i got real bored on the train so i started amusing myself by bothering my sis with the little afroman (eg. making the thing "dance" in my sis's face, poke my sis with a pencil, throw my extremities in her direction.)

...i also repeatedly pretended to...ahem...fall asleep and drool all over her as well. cause...i was that bored.

then this old man with slicked hair came on and stood beside us...while i went on tending to my own business. i guess he got bored real fast too cause he started randomly talking to us (in mandarin of course...so my sis looked pretty funny all like ... the whole time) about the afroman thing and how there were other characters and "pretty" cell phone thingies and other toys that danced on their own and then asked me if i've ever seen any of them and stuffs. he also kept saying they were pretty like my sis and i....um yeah.

i thought he was going to keep on talking to me forever but probably seeing the bored me inside, he finally asked me: are you a middle schooler going onto high school?

sitting there embarrassed and amused like no other in my ucla t-shirt, i couldn't help but suddenly choke out a really loud (and rather unfortunately ugly) laugh and told him nono, i'm going to college!

the moment was priceless. for a moment you could see the man's face falter with a look of intense confusion, his previously gentle smile all gone awry...

then he attempted to recover, but only succeeded in another weak smile and asked so which college have you tested into?

with sheer joy, i realized that he had mistaken me for a native and was proud of my chinese speaking skills. so i basked in such glory for a moment and then replied with a really large grin, ohno, i'm from america! =D

overwhelmed with surprise, he gave me a stoned look and an ohhh!..., then finally turned, spotted who he suspected were my parents, and began making conversation with them...all to my great relief.

so. i am regressing. i knew i always have been a bit silly at times, but damn. mistaken for a (rather large)middle schooler...i guess that's pretty bad. my sis acts more my age than i do. (but that's just cause she's at that stage where she really cares about her image =P)

buthey! i can act mature if i really wanted to >:0
no really. i'm not kidding. i mean...i was also mistaken for a storekeeper again in some store here as well! yeah i'm actually really deep on the inside, folks *nods*

...oh oh oh!! butbut i also got a cute stuffed animal! it's a racoon...and i named my sis's cow "moopert!" like rupert but with a "moo" instead! gettit?? hahahahaha! ...ahem.

also, pei-i let me drive the rental car (cause i kept nagging) on some of the mountain and city roads in hualien!!! it was so fun! i feel so hardcore now. traffic laws in taiwan are...a bit screwy. i seriously don't know what the police are for. anything illegal is pretty much legal here when it comes to driving. and factoring in bikes, motorcycles, people, and such, it's like a mosaic of artful chaos.

okay okay, so maybe where i drove wasn't as bad as dead-city-centers but um. i feel that driving anywhere where the lines on the roads are optional...is still pretty hardcore. =D

yeahbaby.

what does it take to get a drink in this place

2006-08-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

alright. so far i've seen the following spellings for the word "middle" in mandarin: jong, jung, and...chung. according to the laws of hanyupinyin though, and my instincts, it should be "zhong" and it's really starting to bother me. okay. so "jong" i can understand..."jung" is cutting it a bit.

but "chung" is really just...it feels like someone's trying to fug with me! or something.

and don't tell me maybe it's cause they were different spellings for different words cause...i mean. i might not know all the characters in the world (or chinese language rather)...but this is like preschool vocab here. okay okay, maybe more like first grade chinese school if you wish to be all serious with me.

of course i must express these personal concerns to all =D

i don't need what you ain't got

2006-08-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

i <3 working house! the store has the awesomest things evahhh! though i do not support paying $2 for a plastic bag to carry your stuffs in.

why do we not have one in the u.s., and if we do, why do i not know about it?? >:0

also, ailin took me for a ride on her motorcycle tonight! and then let me ride it ALL BY MYSELF on some street near a park cause I'M A BIG GIRL NOW! yup *nods* it was soooooo fun XD

though i did hit a telephone pole kinda. but it wasn't my fault. god, i mean. can't expect me to remember that the thing has brakes or anything right?

brakes have never been my strong point anyways. i don't prefer them. they slow things down..or something. =P

...i want a motorcycle for my birthday!

the surface of a perforated sphere

2006-08-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

taiwan update.

yesterday: shitou "forest recreation area"

pretty much a vast expanse of jungle deep within some mountain ranges near...taichung..i think that's how people spell it...though i would have thought it would be spelled tai zhong...or

whatever. it was about an hour away from my dad's relative's place.

it was really pretty. it made you feel like you were in some chinese painting...or in some asian movie. so we hiked up into the mountains, enjoyed the beautiful scenery...

and ended up giving ourselves one hell of a workout.

okay. not really...it was no harder than the hike that i went on with ucla but since it was humid up there, you end up sweating in a different fashion...

one which makes you look like you've just done a gatorade commercial. observe:

IS IT IN YOU?

or perhaps it is just me and i have some sweating disorder. whocares. i like it when i sweat buckets. i makes me feel real good. i mean. this time...i sweated through ALL of my clothes. i even took a pic of my ass cause it was so glorious...

lucky for you, i'm not going to show you.
private requests only. please don't all come at once =P

today...we went shopping, saw another uncle...who has become strangely more taciturn over the years, and then went to the night markets. the place was a goldmine for everything cheap and interesting. so my sis and i ran off like looking like deer in headlights. kinda like this: o_o

my sis ran straight for the jewelry.

i, on the other hand, ran straight for...the stuffed animals.

she is 12. i am 18. there is probably something wrong with that situation. psha whatever. i...stay young. you will wish you are me...when you're like 30. yeah. so ha XP

hrm. and my sis, after i said something along the lines of...ew my feet stink...LIKE YOUR FACE!, asked me why do you always make fun of people's faces now??? is it like your new thing now or something? you're always like YOUR FACE! my face! your face!

i blame two certain persons that i had been stuck with for far too long of a time.

oh. and have i already mentioned that the food here is REALLY good. well it's okay. i can just say it again(to rub it in your face) just in case.

the food here is REALLY good. like REALLY

really,
really, reeeeeeaaally

...

really

(really good!)

okay i'm done.

what a wonderful caricature of intimacy

2006-07-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

i am NEVER again taking laxatives for the rest of my short life.

or at least overdosing on it.
ohgod. where's the bathroom...

excuse me.

trust in my self-righteous suicide

2006-07-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

GASPOMG

ohyeah. um i'm a bit miffed at ucla housing's indecisiveness and their apparent decision to kick me outta hedrick hall into hedrick summit. a plaza. where i will probably make no friends and be lonely. something about too many students or some shit like that. it's also even a bit farther from campus and a bit more expensive by a few hundred dollars.

so that wasn't what the GASPOMG was for though. this is what it was for:

*cue crazy drumroll*

they've changed my alltimefavorite drink from my childhood!!
it's absolutely horrible. it's now in this hugeass gatorade-like bottle instead of the asian-styled thick-skinned can i knew so well o_0

plus side... it practically tastes the same. there is more. AND the bottle is green. but still. it's just not the same as before. the memories of all my childhood visits to taiwan have been tainted! 0_0

k anyways. i must express my joy at asian country clothes. they fit my tastes more. of course thenagain most of the clothes are "unisex" and sizes go by "s," "m" and "l."

i'm also quite joyous at my current position in a country where many girls are even more indistinguishable from guys than the short-haired me of the past.

i also got my hair a bit trimmed even though i didn't really need it while accompanying my mom and sis to the hair place cause...asian store peeps can be...very persuasive.

my favorite part was the hairwashing. damn. they wash your hair three times, ask you where your head itches, scratch a bit extra for you, then massage your head. yeah. massage. then they ask you if you want a hot towel for your neck to lie on, and give you some q-tips for your ears.

and if that wasn't enough...when i sat back down...they gave me a back massage. damn. that was my favorite of my favorite part.

this might not be so exciting to you but understand that if society was up to me to recreate...i would ensure that monkeyish social grooming was embedded in every single culture.

oh. and my sis, my mom, and i all came out looking like anime characters. my sis loved it. i...saw my anime self bawl with my mouth taking up my entire face and large sweat and tear drops flying off of my head.

it's okay though. i can quickly undo it with a shower...that i should probably take now.

ohyeah. and today i saw "nipple pigment lightening cream" for the first time in my life. um. yup.

there's also too *twitch* much *twitch* f00d *twitch* here!!!!
and so my journey towards obesity continues.

hate is so heavy when you're weak

2006-07-28T17:32:00.000-07:00

alright. it's all good...i haven't really been called fat yet.

except by my mom but that doesn't really count =D
but heckya! my grandma didn't call me fat (yet)*sings*

yeah so just woke up from my first night at my grandma's house in taiwan and it's...just how i remembered it... the smell...the furniture...the massagetypestore below...and the wonderful cockroaches. and my grandma's just the same...stuffing a fugging 1000 dollars in my hand and telling me to hide it from my mom.

my cousins and other relatives are also just like i remember them. only difference now is that i am able to talk to them a bit more. which is good. oh. and my new secondcousinnephewtoddler is probably cuter than your secondcousinnephewtoddler. as you can see, i'm still confused as to what relation he is to me.

my cousin ailin picked up another stray puppy from the sewer and kept it. i hear it's huge now. she needs to find it a new home. i want it. perfect scenario..but not. what i want does not translate into what is going to be.

anyways. so my grandma's out getting some fan tuans and bao zis. ohdamn. such good food. and all located right behind my grandma's house. open-air markets really do have the best food. it's really a good thing i don't live here.

it's also fairly hot here. and i haven't even been out in daylight yet. yay.

sooo...i can feel my brain still lying dormant right now. it's hard to even form simple sentences. so i will go now. i will eat bao zi. i will be fat. i will be happy.

and then it's off to some SHOPPINGOMGWTFNOTEMPTATION!

...i want a little cute stuffed animal.

ruining this banquet for the mildy inspiring

2006-07-27T07:33:00.000-07:00

alright. so i'm in japan right now, it's 11:30pm and i...kinda wanna sleep. or have some wasabi ice cream.

oh, have you heard? wasabi ice cream is my new found love. i want to marry it.

see some people love...their pets, others porsches, and yet others gelato.

me? i <3...wasabi ice cream. okay i'll stop now.

also, we broke off from the tour to visit my aunt and cousin, tomo, after he got off from work. he looked pretty snazzy in his business attire. here is a picture of him with us:

he's tall (unlike most japanese) and skinny (like most japanese) and is probably cooler than your cousin. unless you are erika. in which case he'd be cooler than himself....erm and unless you are me. in which case i'd be saying he's cooler than erika...damn. how about. he's cooler than your cousin unless you are in my family.

thenagain you could always say that jeanine is practically my twin sister because everyone seems to think so. either that or that i am jeanine and she is me which gets really confusing and...uh..erm

i've lost track of my thought. whatever. you get the point...moving on.

it is also quite unfortunate that they have such good food here. i probably ate enough raw fish and other creatures to classify me as a bear. ohyeah! and the baskin robbins here had ice cream that had those rock candy thingies that pop in your mouth. hehe.

oh. yeah and as you can see, i survived the plane ride. it was actually not that bad. especially since they provided over 50 channels of movies (30+ of them foreign), 40+ channels of full blown up-to-date cds (including snow patrol's new cd), and 20+ games.

what else did i do. ohyes. ate black sulfur eggs but did NOT get to go into the nekkid hot springs because...well. i have perfect timing if you know what i mean (sorry or you're welcome to erika whichever side of the bet you were on =P).

k. ending. now.
(ohandi'mstillashoppingwhoredammitno!)

slide the nail under the top and bottom buttons of my blazer

2006-07-22T00:53:00.000-07:00

so in about 13 hours i will be boarding a flight that will take me halfway around the world in about...14 hours.

hrm. that doesn't seem like a fair deal to me.

OHWAIT! mybad this time it is to a closer destination. i'm sorry i meant to say 11 hours. ahh much better. but NOT.

now i remember when i was little i was much better with these flights. i could actually sit there and be content...as long as you provided me with some video games.

but now i guess i've grown a little larger...the seats have somehow become smaller...and the general public at large around me...more. well, how do i put this in nicer terms...more. suffocating.

and unfortunately...the little screen stuck to the back of the airline chair 5 inches away from my face now fails to entertain me much anymore now that i've lost some interest in moving pixelated pictures around on a screen. they mostly just succeed in being a nuisance when i'm trying to sleep in the awkward fetal-in-chair-with-head-smushed-into-seat-in-front-of-you position.

plus. now without the distraction of games...i tend to have become slightly more paranoid about plane crashes during the actual flight (dammit).

at least they always have gingerale on board. yay

oh and btw. i'm going off to japan. and then taiwan. if you didn't know that already.

anyways...i also have to say...i'm actually not so keen on seeing the rest of the family in taiwan and all. or not now at least. cause...being a part of a family somehow entitles members of that particular family to freely scrutinize/criticize(in good nature of course) other members of that family. especially when the one being criticized is younger. and more alienized by sayyy culture and distance and all that shit.

basically going back is always us being the outsiders and the ones being talked about because hey. everyone's human and that's just a human thing to do. now my relatives are great. they are wonderful people. we have no internal family drama and all. it's a pretty harmonious world.

until they realize that ohwow. there's a pig in the living room. ohwait. no. it is just cassidy who has ohfug! gotten fatter again! ha. ha. ha.

see it isn't really all that bad...only that it doesn't help my reputation with the parents. it's like hoho! daughter...told you you are getting too fat! time for diet! even your grandma thinks so! hee hee hee haa haa haa (and perhaps there is that fugging "playful" bop/poke on my belly in which case my private bubble is violated and it becomes very difficult to keep that fakeass smile on my fugging pissed off face...ohyes. and then i eat like 20 of those steamed pork buns in one sitting just to retaliate).

see now at least in the past...i got taller and wider every time they saw me. now i just get wider. rawrgh.

urgh fuggernuts. and ze parents have been even more onto me recently about my size. oh the dread. being compared to tiny asian people is just not fair. i live in america. the culture is BIGGER is BETTER. quantity over quality. even the frigging chicken are pretty much on steriods or something. i swear it was the hormones in the chicken. i'm not even asian anymore. i'm...i'm a new breed. called...bigasian.

hey. i've got my advantages too youknow. for one. i'd most likely die last in a famine. so HA! eat that! you..you. smallasians.

this is making me bitter. i'm starting to sound like a preschooler so.. i'm going to stop now.

and all you wanted was somebody who cared

2006-07-20T22:34:00.000-07:00

(uclaWW continued)

day the second
so i wake up from my glorious repeatedlyinterruptedbykillersprinklers sleep at the unearthly hour of 6am...two hours before our anticipated waking time, and groggily carry myself down the hill towards the bathroom by the pools.

during my journey i notice that there are already people up and active around and in the pool.

they were also fresh and clean.

i was surprised and looking like a hobo (and prolly smelling like one too) but attempted to cover it all up by walking as casually as i could around the whole frigging pool to the bathroom to clean myself a bit up. except. my casual walking was ruined by my lack of balance and inability to see clearly in the morning, thus rendering me to look even more like a fugly hobo (my oversized jacket with broken zipper probably didn't help either).

so eventually everybody is up and ready to go, and i find this hugeass spiderbite near my armpit. damn. we also drink this "orange juice" that i guarantee was urine mixed with cornstarch and a bit of extra orange food coloring.

our ride is long. i learn the joys of eating/spitting sunflower seeds. we stop and eat at primo's, some place in the middle of nowhere with really damn good burgers and milkshakes. we continue our journey. northern and southern californians compare slang. southern californians are induced into a crazed gotta-kill-a-small-animal-now state by all the "hella"s.

we get to the campsite. i am pleasantly surprised by the pretty sweet bathrooms provided on site. i am pretty unpleasantly surprised by the mass of mosquitoes. these were mutant mosquitoes. ones that traveled in packs like coyotes and attacked in mobs like frigging pirahnas.

we swish out the bug spray and deet-ify ourselves...poisoning our bloodstreams as well. we unload, set up a tent and some tarps to sleep on and the food. we begin cooking dinner. it was supposed to be "indian curry." it came out as canned chicken with slight yellowish tint.

we then have a massive shortage so i attempt to cook the second batch. i drown it in water and curry powder in an attempt to make it more...soupy. and salty. cause i like salt. now here's the surprising part...

it was a hit.

now that's when you really know people are starving. when they are impressed by my "curry." so i basked in the glory of gloriness till...well till it was time to go to the hot springs! w00t.

we pack into the van and begin our journey over to the middle of nowhere in the ...middle of nowhere. it's pitch dark and fortunately we find the dirt road off the main road. then we fortunately find the dirt road off the dirt road.

all of the sudden through a mist of dirt i see this brown blur loom outta the dark. i realize what this alien object was...

cow.

yeah cow. that's what i thought when i first realized. and it was fast approaching. so on impulse i'm like ohdamn. cow...cow?..cow!cowcowcowcowcow COW!!!! our other leader, who was driving (brennan) skids at the very last second, stopping a foot away, and then goes ohdamn i thought you were joking!! i look at him with an expression of utter disbelief. we pretty much find ourselves surrounded by a herd of cows.

then he fugging rolls down my window so the frigging cow can come kiss my face. i freak out (shit!! brennan wtf are you doing?!!!) and attempt to roll the window up while he laughs at my panic. luckily my window is up before that future steak could have licked my face off.

we arrive in the lot and find the path to the spring with our flashlights. then we start our half mile hike. we jump over some cow poop. we arrive. it is glorious. we chill in the scalding spring with the clear night sky above us. some see a shooting star. you can see the milky way and dozens of constellations. it was the shit.

so we finish and get back to the van...and i realize with this sick feeling that sometime admist the frenzy where we all had to change under our towels in pitch black back at the springs...i had left my pants there. so kyle (the rest insisted a boy come along or something) and i start going back. i'm feeling damn bad so i begin running. kyle follows suit.

i rediscover that running is much easier when adrenaline is running high. so we get there. the drunken men at the spring are like heyyyyy are these your pants??? i thank them and we run back.

i get back to the van and my legs feel like jello. it is frigging amazing. i am reminded of the glory of the after-a-short-mile-run feeling that hits your legs. and with the whole van silent and chillin' to the beat of the postal service on the ride back... and the absolutely breathtaking view of the largest, most orange moon reflecting off the surface of crowley lake... it was one of those rare times where everything is good in life. i felt so damn perfectly content i wish i could have stayed like that forever.

but no. our ride came to an end eventually. and we all realized how moldy and farty we smelled. then again we were so tired and sedated by the warmth of the spring that we pretty much just jumped into our sleeping bags and konked out.

or at least i did. =D

through every pane of weathered glass

2006-07-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

'ello folks.

so i'm back from my little adventure. and i must say it was pretty damn sweet.

so i'll actually attempt at documenting my little trip this time.
to start off...

title: ucla wilderness welcome for incoming freshman- kayaking/hiking in the eastern sierras
theme: HOOOORAY BEEEER!!! (no worries, there was no actual beer =P)

day 1
so i'm dropped off at the sunset recreation camp area...at the most hidden location in the whole frigging place (yeah everyone including the pizza dude got lost on the way), under the obstacle course that is cooler than you.

i'm about the 6th person (outta 11) to arrive. we grow bored and try to figure out this crossword in the newspaper. it was a great icebreaker activity(butnot). then we tire of the thing and begin placing bets on the names of the rest of the incoming group (which was an even better icebreaker mwahaha...and i lost every frigging time. it was a sad, sad time for me).

then we eat like animals and run off to westwood... to a place that sold really good cookie/ice cream sandwiches. someone like say...megan would have absolutely loved that place.

i, on the other hand, took three bites of my cookie sandwich and had a terrible urge to trade it in for a jumbo hot dog. but that's just me.

ohyeah. there's also this place called falafel king which made me laugh. um. that was random.

so we get back only to find that ucla locked us out of the recreation center, where we were supposed to stay. it was okay cause we broke in through the back gate and climbed up the hill back to our stuff.

of course then the bungalow and bathrooms were all locked so we still had nowhere to pee AND sleep that night. and so much for our plans to watch a movie.

now what do 13 homeless young adults do in the face of such a predicament as this?

we chill.

by the pools of course. a few jump in and swim around and are kicked out later by a guard person. the rest stick their feet in the water while one of our leaders (lina) calls for help...and yet a couple more jump the fence to beg entrance into the res hall nearby for some bathroom access(theyfailed).

ucla then informs us that we are to pee wherever the hell we want except for in the pools and to sleep somewhere outside.

so we do so. it's not bad except for ohhh maybe the fugging orange lights from the lamp posts that never turned off. and the frigging motorcycles passing by every 30 minutes or so. and the beingwokenupat2am by hugeasskillersprinklers that caged us in some pitiful little corner under the obstacle course.

the view of the city buildings in the distance behind the trees was pretty cool though.

so yeah.
it was a blast. urban camping.
i mean. if you think about it...not many can claim they've gone hardcore camping in l.a.

thenagain. who in their right mind would ever wanna do that?

forever is the daydream of a poet

2006-07-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

going to leave for kayaking in a few minutes and i feel like i've forgotten to pack something horribly important.

at the same time i feel as if i've grossly overpacked. rawrgh.

AND my digestive system hates me. with a passion.
ohwell. c'est la vie right?

ohyeah. and for those of you who care, my cell number changed (and if you're really creative you might just find(havealreadyfound) it out. i ask random peeps who don't know and have never known my number already...to not go snooping around for it just for fun because it's probably a sign that i actually don't want you to know it. oh wow. what a thought that is =P). and i'm going to have my own phone again soon. um. say...after i get back or something.

yeah. and it's GREEN. XD

such joy in my (spoiled)life. it's overwhelming.

w00t.

can music save your mortal soul

2006-07-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

list of my summer schedule. just cause i feel like it (and so i don't forget of course).

june19-july5: eurotrip06 baby
(plane left at around 1pm. got back around 10pm)

july12-16: "pre-orientation" or (more correctly)"welcome wilderness program" - kayaking/camping w00t!
(arrive 4-6pm. ends late afternoon)

july22-august8: japan/taiwan with the family
(plane at 2:30pm. back...late-ish i think)

august13-15: actual orientation
(starts 8am. ends afternoon to nightish?)

late september or something: move in to college.
september 28: fall classes begin (finally).

over and out.

it's not me you're dyin' for

2006-07-06T23:25:00.000-07:00

ohdamn. first day home has gone and past now and i've had neither any siestas OR tofupot.

my life is in ruins.

in fact. i actually woke up at 8:40 this morning, which is practically at dawn, all like w00t!! and felt like going out and WALKING. UP STAIRS. i even seriously considered going to the park to do something that required moving. then i went downstairs and was abnormally hungry and commenced in eating three breakfasts one right after another.

i also had a craving for bread, ham, and cheese.

then in the middle of grabbing for the captain crunch on top of the fridge i went...wtf. i don't even usually EAT breakfast. it was at that moment that i realized europe has screwed me over. i mean it's like i wake up early(for me) then can't go back to sleep, feel some intense need to walk all over the place, and then desire 328493 breakfasts that consist of bread and cheese.

i also walk three times faster than before. that is also wtf. i found this out when jeanine and i decided to go out for the rest of the day...walking. just to satisfy our legs' intense need for the routine.

ohyeah. going back to after breakfast, because i couldn't bring myself to go back to sleep i decided to watch match point instead. it was set in london. it made me miss europe a lot. oy.

and i didn't have tofupot. which makes me sad. BUT i did have subcontractor which is always good. "real good." (lalala)

and random thought i always get: why are our roads here all so...obese. it always just seems to imply that drivers in america are just too motorskillretarded to handle any lesser area of space at a time around here.

now another random thought. just thinking about it...not to be mean or anything. but it would be a haaaard life for an obese person to live in european cities. i guess that's why you hardly see any over there.

if they follow you, don't look back like dylan in the movies

2006-07-06T00:43:00.000-07:00

and so ends eurotrip2006

yes that's right. i am le back.
and le fugging tired.

i guess there's only one solution to that. intense SIESTA!!..and tofupot. =P

oh. and europe was amazingly amazing btw. =D