what a wonderful caricature of intimacy

i am NEVER again taking laxatives for the rest of my short life.

or at least overdosing on it.
ohgod. where's the bathroom...

excuse me.

trust in my self-righteous suicide

GASPOMG

ohyeah. um i'm a bit miffed at ucla housing's indecisiveness and their apparent decision to kick me outta hedrick hall into hedrick summit. a plaza. where i will probably make no friends and be lonely. something about too many students or some shit like that. it's also even a bit farther from campus and a bit more expensive by a few hundred dollars.


so that wasn't what the GASPOMG was for though. this is what it was for:

*cue crazy drumroll*

they've changed my alltimefavorite drink from my childhood!!
it's absolutely horrible. it's now in this hugeass gatorade-like bottle instead of the asian-styled thick-skinned can i knew so well o_0

plus side... it practically tastes the same. there is more. AND the bottle is green. but still. it's just not the same as before. the memories of all my childhood visits to taiwan have been tainted! 0_0


k anyways. i must express my joy at asian country clothes. they fit my tastes more. of course thenagain most of the clothes are "unisex" and sizes go by "s," "m" and "l."

i'm also quite joyous at my current position in a country where many girls are even more indistinguishable from guys than the short-haired me of the past.

i also got my hair a bit trimmed even though i didn't really need it while accompanying my mom and sis to the hair place cause...asian store peeps can be...very persuasive.

my favorite part was the hairwashing. damn. they wash your hair three times, ask you where your head itches, scratch a bit extra for you, then massage your head. yeah. massage. then they ask you if you want a hot towel for your neck to lie on, and give you some q-tips for your ears.

and if that wasn't enough...when i sat back down...they gave me a back massage. damn. that was my favorite of my favorite part.

this might not be so exciting to you but understand that if society was up to me to recreate...i would ensure that monkeyish social grooming was embedded in every single culture.

oh. and my sis, my mom, and i all came out looking like anime characters. my sis loved it. i...saw my anime self bawl with my mouth taking up my entire face and large sweat and tear drops flying off of my head.

it's okay though. i can quickly undo it with a shower...that i should probably take now.

ohyeah. and today i saw "nipple pigment lightening cream" for the first time in my life. um. yup.

there's also too *twitch* much *twitch* f00d *twitch* here!!!!
and so my journey towards obesity continues.

hate is so heavy when you're weak

alright. it's all good...i haven't really been called fat yet.

except by my mom but that doesn't really count =D
but heckya! my grandma didn't call me fat (yet)*sings*

yeah so just woke up from my first night at my grandma's house in taiwan and it's...just how i remembered it... the smell...the furniture...the massagetypestore below...and the wonderful cockroaches. and my grandma's just the same...stuffing a fugging 1000 dollars in my hand and telling me to hide it from my mom.

my cousins and other relatives are also just like i remember them. only difference now is that i am able to talk to them a bit more. which is good. oh. and my new secondcousinnephewtoddler is probably cuter than your secondcousinnephewtoddler. as you can see, i'm still confused as to what relation he is to me.

my cousin ailin picked up another stray puppy from the sewer and kept it. i hear it's huge now. she needs to find it a new home. i want it. perfect scenario..but not. what i want does not translate into what is going to be.

anyways. so my grandma's out getting some fan tuans and bao zis. ohdamn. such good food. and all located right behind my grandma's house. open-air markets really do have the best food. it's really a good thing i don't live here.

it's also fairly hot here. and i haven't even been out in daylight yet. yay.

sooo...i can feel my brain still lying dormant right now. it's hard to even form simple sentences. so i will go now. i will eat bao zi. i will be fat. i will be happy.

and then it's off to some SHOPPINGOMGWTFNOTEMPTATION!


...i want a little cute stuffed animal.

ruining this banquet for the mildy inspiring

alright. so i'm in japan right now, it's 11:30pm and i...kinda wanna sleep. or have some wasabi ice cream.

oh, have you heard? wasabi ice cream is my new found love. i want to marry it.

see some people love...their pets, others porsches, and yet others gelato.

me? i <3...wasabi ice cream. okay i'll stop now.

also, we broke off from the tour to visit my aunt and cousin, tomo, after he got off from work. he looked pretty snazzy in his business attire. here is a picture of him with us:



he's tall (unlike most japanese) and skinny (like most japanese) and is probably cooler than your cousin. unless you are erika. in which case he'd be cooler than himself....erm and unless you are me. in which case i'd be saying he's cooler than erika...damn. how about. he's cooler than your cousin unless you are in my family.

thenagain you could always say that jeanine is practically my twin sister because everyone seems to think so. either that or that i am jeanine and she is me which gets really confusing and...uh..erm

i've lost track of my thought. whatever. you get the point...moving on.

it is also quite unfortunate that they have such good food here. i probably ate enough raw fish and other creatures to classify me as a bear. ohyeah! and the baskin robbins here had ice cream that had those rock candy thingies that pop in your mouth. hehe.

oh. yeah and as you can see, i survived the plane ride. it was actually not that bad. especially since they provided over 50 channels of movies (30+ of them foreign), 40+ channels of full blown up-to-date cds (including snow patrol's new cd), and 20+ games.

what else did i do. ohyes. ate black sulfur eggs but did NOT get to go into the nekkid hot springs because...well. i have perfect timing if you know what i mean (sorry or you're welcome to erika whichever side of the bet you were on =P).

k. ending. now.
(ohandi'mstillashoppingwhoredammitno!)

slide the nail under the top and bottom buttons of my blazer

so in about 13 hours i will be boarding a flight that will take me halfway around the world in about...14 hours.

hrm. that doesn't seem like a fair deal to me.

OHWAIT! mybad this time it is to a closer destination. i'm sorry i meant to say 11 hours. ahh much better. but NOT.

now i remember when i was little i was much better with these flights. i could actually sit there and be content...as long as you provided me with some video games.

but now i guess i've grown a little larger...the seats have somehow become smaller...and the general public at large around me...more. well, how do i put this in nicer terms...more. suffocating.

and unfortunately...the little screen stuck to the back of the airline chair 5 inches away from my face now fails to entertain me much anymore now that i've lost some interest in moving pixelated pictures around on a screen. they mostly just succeed in being a nuisance when i'm trying to sleep in the awkward fetal-in-chair-with-head-smushed-into-seat-in-front-of-you position.

plus. now without the distraction of games...i tend to have become slightly more paranoid about plane crashes during the actual flight (dammit).

at least they always have gingerale on board. yay

oh and btw. i'm going off to japan. and then taiwan. if you didn't know that already.

anyways...i also have to say...i'm actually not so keen on seeing the rest of the family in taiwan and all. or not now at least. cause...being a part of a family somehow entitles members of that particular family to freely scrutinize/criticize(in good nature of course) other members of that family. especially when the one being criticized is younger. and more alienized by sayyy culture and distance and all that shit.

basically going back is always us being the outsiders and the ones being talked about because hey. everyone's human and that's just a human thing to do. now my relatives are great. they are wonderful people. we have no internal family drama and all. it's a pretty harmonious world.

until they realize that ohwow. there's a pig in the living room. ohwait. no. it is just cassidy who has ohfug! gotten fatter again! ha. ha. ha.

see it isn't really all that bad...only that it doesn't help my reputation with the parents. it's like hoho! daughter...told you you are getting too fat! time for diet! even your grandma thinks so! hee hee hee haa haa haa (and perhaps there is that fugging "playful" bop/poke on my belly in which case my private bubble is violated and it becomes very difficult to keep that fakeass smile on my fugging pissed off face...ohyes. and then i eat like 20 of those steamed pork buns in one sitting just to retaliate).

see now at least in the past...i got taller and wider every time they saw me. now i just get wider. rawrgh.

urgh fuggernuts. and ze parents have been even more onto me recently about my size. oh the dread. being compared to tiny asian people is just not fair. i live in america. the culture is BIGGER is BETTER. quantity over quality. even the frigging chicken are pretty much on steriods or something. i swear it was the hormones in the chicken. i'm not even asian anymore. i'm...i'm a new breed. called...bigasian.

hey. i've got my advantages too youknow. for one. i'd most likely die last in a famine. so HA! eat that! you..you. smallasians.

this is making me bitter. i'm starting to sound like a preschooler so.. i'm going to stop now.

and all you wanted was somebody who cared

(uclaWW continued)

day the second
so i wake up from my glorious repeatedlyinterruptedbykillersprinklers sleep at the unearthly hour of 6am...two hours before our anticipated waking time, and groggily carry myself down the hill towards the bathroom by the pools.

during my journey i notice that there are already people up and active around and in the pool.

they were also fresh and clean.

i was surprised and looking like a hobo (and prolly smelling like one too) but attempted to cover it all up by walking as casually as i could around the whole frigging pool to the bathroom to clean myself a bit up. except. my casual walking was ruined by my lack of balance and inability to see clearly in the morning, thus rendering me to look even more like a fugly hobo (my oversized jacket with broken zipper probably didn't help either).

so eventually everybody is up and ready to go, and i find this hugeass spiderbite near my armpit. damn. we also drink this "orange juice" that i guarantee was urine mixed with cornstarch and a bit of extra orange food coloring.

our ride is long. i learn the joys of eating/spitting sunflower seeds. we stop and eat at primo's, some place in the middle of nowhere with really damn good burgers and milkshakes. we continue our journey. northern and southern californians compare slang. southern californians are induced into a crazed gotta-kill-a-small-animal-now state by all the "hella"s.

we get to the campsite. i am pleasantly surprised by the pretty sweet bathrooms provided on site. i am pretty unpleasantly surprised by the mass of mosquitoes. these were mutant mosquitoes. ones that traveled in packs like coyotes and attacked in mobs like frigging pirahnas.

we swish out the bug spray and deet-ify ourselves...poisoning our bloodstreams as well. we unload, set up a tent and some tarps to sleep on and the food. we begin cooking dinner. it was supposed to be "indian curry." it came out as canned chicken with slight yellowish tint.

we then have a massive shortage so i attempt to cook the second batch. i drown it in water and curry powder in an attempt to make it more...soupy. and salty. cause i like salt. now here's the surprising part...

it was a hit.

now that's when you really know people are starving. when they are impressed by my "curry." so i basked in the glory of gloriness till...well till it was time to go to the hot springs! w00t.

we pack into the van and begin our journey over to the middle of nowhere in the ...middle of nowhere. it's pitch dark and fortunately we find the dirt road off the main road. then we fortunately find the dirt road off the dirt road.

all of the sudden through a mist of dirt i see this brown blur loom outta the dark. i realize what this alien object was...

cow.

yeah cow. that's what i thought when i first realized. and it was fast approaching. so on impulse i'm like ohdamn. cow...cow?..cow!cowcowcowcowcow COW!!!! our other leader, who was driving (brennan) skids at the very last second, stopping a foot away, and then goes ohdamn i thought you were joking!! i look at him with an expression of utter disbelief. we pretty much find ourselves surrounded by a herd of cows.

then he fugging rolls down my window so the frigging cow can come kiss my face. i freak out (shit!! brennan wtf are you doing?!!!) and attempt to roll the window up while he laughs at my panic. luckily my window is up before that future steak could have licked my face off.

we arrive in the lot and find the path to the spring with our flashlights. then we start our half mile hike. we jump over some cow poop. we arrive. it is glorious. we chill in the scalding spring with the clear night sky above us. some see a shooting star. you can see the milky way and dozens of constellations. it was the shit.

so we finish and get back to the van...and i realize with this sick feeling that sometime admist the frenzy where we all had to change under our towels in pitch black back at the springs...i had left my pants there. so kyle (the rest insisted a boy come along or something) and i start going back. i'm feeling damn bad so i begin running. kyle follows suit.

i rediscover that running is much easier when adrenaline is running high. so we get there. the drunken men at the spring are like heyyyyy are these your pants??? i thank them and we run back.

i get back to the van and my legs feel like jello. it is frigging amazing. i am reminded of the glory of the after-a-short-mile-run feeling that hits your legs. and with the whole van silent and chillin' to the beat of the postal service on the ride back... and the absolutely breathtaking view of the largest, most orange moon reflecting off the surface of crowley lake... it was one of those rare times where everything is good in life. i felt so damn perfectly content i wish i could have stayed like that forever.

but no. our ride came to an end eventually. and we all realized how moldy and farty we smelled. then again we were so tired and sedated by the warmth of the spring that we pretty much just jumped into our sleeping bags and konked out.

or at least i did. =D

through every pane of weathered glass

'ello folks.

so i'm back from my little adventure. and i must say it was pretty damn sweet.

so i'll actually attempt at documenting my little trip this time.
to start off...

title: ucla wilderness welcome for incoming freshman- kayaking/hiking in the eastern sierras
theme: HOOOORAY BEEEER!!! (no worries, there was no actual beer =P)

day 1
so i'm dropped off at the sunset recreation camp area...at the most hidden location in the whole frigging place (yeah everyone including the pizza dude got lost on the way), under the obstacle course that is cooler than you.

i'm about the 6th person (outta 11) to arrive. we grow bored and try to figure out this crossword in the newspaper. it was a great icebreaker activity(butnot). then we tire of the thing and begin placing bets on the names of the rest of the incoming group (which was an even better icebreaker mwahaha...and i lost every frigging time. it was a sad, sad time for me).

then we eat like animals and run off to westwood... to a place that sold really good cookie/ice cream sandwiches. someone like say...megan would have absolutely loved that place.

i, on the other hand, took three bites of my cookie sandwich and had a terrible urge to trade it in for a jumbo hot dog. but that's just me.

ohyeah. there's also this place called falafel king which made me laugh. um. that was random.

so we get back only to find that ucla locked us out of the recreation center, where we were supposed to stay. it was okay cause we broke in through the back gate and climbed up the hill back to our stuff.

of course then the bungalow and bathrooms were all locked so we still had nowhere to pee AND sleep that night. and so much for our plans to watch a movie.

now what do 13 homeless young adults do in the face of such a predicament as this?

we chill.

by the pools of course. a few jump in and swim around and are kicked out later by a guard person. the rest stick their feet in the water while one of our leaders (lina) calls for help...and yet a couple more jump the fence to beg entrance into the res hall nearby for some bathroom access(theyfailed).

ucla then informs us that we are to pee wherever the hell we want except for in the pools and to sleep somewhere outside.

so we do so. it's not bad except for ohhh maybe the fugging orange lights from the lamp posts that never turned off. and the frigging motorcycles passing by every 30 minutes or so. and the beingwokenupat2am by hugeasskillersprinklers that caged us in some pitiful little corner under the obstacle course.

the view of the city buildings in the distance behind the trees was pretty cool though.

so yeah.
it was a blast. urban camping.
i mean. if you think about it...not many can claim they've gone hardcore camping in l.a.

thenagain. who in their right mind would ever wanna do that?

forever is the daydream of a poet

going to leave for kayaking in a few minutes and i feel like i've forgotten to pack something horribly important.

at the same time i feel as if i've grossly overpacked. rawrgh.

AND my digestive system hates me. with a passion.
ohwell. c'est la vie right?

ohyeah. and for those of you who care, my cell number changed (and if you're really creative you might just find(havealreadyfound) it out. i ask random peeps who don't know and have never known my number already...to not go snooping around for it just for fun because it's probably a sign that i actually don't want you to know it. oh wow. what a thought that is =P). and i'm going to have my own phone again soon. um. say...after i get back or something.

yeah. and it's GREEN. XD

such joy in my (spoiled)life. it's overwhelming.

w00t.

can music save your mortal soul

list of my summer schedule. just cause i feel like it (and so i don't forget of course).

june19-july5: eurotrip06 baby
(plane left at around 1pm. got back around 10pm)

july12-16: "pre-orientation" or (more correctly)"welcome wilderness program" - kayaking/camping w00t!
(arrive 4-6pm. ends late afternoon)

july22-august8: japan/taiwan with the family
(plane at 2:30pm. back...late-ish i think)

august13-15: actual orientation
(starts 8am. ends afternoon to nightish?)

late september or something: move in to college.
september 28: fall classes begin (finally).

over and out.

it's not me you're dyin' for

ohdamn. first day home has gone and past now and i've had neither any siestas OR tofupot.

my life is in ruins.

in fact. i actually woke up at 8:40 this morning, which is practically at dawn, all like w00t!! and felt like going out and WALKING. UP STAIRS. i even seriously considered going to the park to do something that required moving. then i went downstairs and was abnormally hungry and commenced in eating three breakfasts one right after another.

i also had a craving for bread, ham, and cheese.

then in the middle of grabbing for the captain crunch on top of the fridge i went...wtf. i don't even usually EAT breakfast. it was at that moment that i realized europe has screwed me over. i mean it's like i wake up early(for me) then can't go back to sleep, feel some intense need to walk all over the place, and then desire 328493 breakfasts that consist of bread and cheese.

i also walk three times faster than before. that is also wtf. i found this out when jeanine and i decided to go out for the rest of the day...walking. just to satisfy our legs' intense need for the routine.

ohyeah. going back to after breakfast, because i couldn't bring myself to go back to sleep i decided to watch match point instead. it was set in london. it made me miss europe a lot. oy.

and i didn't have tofupot. which makes me sad. BUT i did have subcontractor which is always good. "real good." (lalala)

and random thought i always get: why are our roads here all so...obese. it always just seems to imply that drivers in america are just too motorskillretarded to handle any lesser area of space at a time around here.

now another random thought. just thinking about it...not to be mean or anything. but it would be a haaaard life for an obese person to live in european cities. i guess that's why you hardly see any over there.

if they follow you, don't look back like dylan in the movies

and so ends eurotrip2006

yes that's right. i am le back.
and le fugging tired.

i guess there's only one solution to that. intense SIESTA!!..and tofupot. =P


oh. and europe was amazingly amazing btw. =D